Hey, dude!s. Barry here with another exciting adventure from the land of parenting a tween-age boy. Fear them, dudes. Fear them.
After dinner the other night, I realized that while my mind is that of a young dude, my body most certainly is not. My youngest son and I sat down at the dinner table to have an after-dinner-pre-before-bed snack. Well, he calls it a snack. I call it a second dinner. The sad thing is, when I look at it, my waist size increased by two inches. He doesn’t put on an ounce of fat. Youth.
Anyhow, here was our conversation.
Son: Dad, I want you to know i am in a relationship.
Me: With who?
Son: Well, she’s a little older than I am.
Me: Do I know her?
Son: Maybe. . .
Quickly, so as not to appear like a total doofus, I started going through the names of some of the girls going to his school. I know most of the parents, so I was doing all right with matching them together. But I wasn’t having much luck picturing my son getting a crush on any of them. And, if he did, I had a feeling I was going to be having some appallingly awkward conversations with a father sooner rather than later.
Me: Ok, who?
Son: She’s pretty well known… and liked.
Me: Oh! Does she have another boyfriend?
Son: I’m not sure. But it doesn’t matter since we got engaged today!
Me, in a high, squeaky voice: Really?
Now about then I was getting more than a little nervous, since I am far, far too young to be a granddad.
Me: Well, who is the lucky lady?
Son: Guess. She’s famous.
Me: TV? Movies?
By then I was feeling a bit easier. I had a feeling this was going to be a lot less traumatic — for me — than I had been worrying about. I thought, when did he go to the Hunger Games set? They filmed it here last year.
Son, with a sly smile: Meghan Fox.
Me, with more relief in my voice than I wanted: Oh. Good choice. You have my permission to marry her. But, I have one question: does she know you’re only 13?
Son: Nope, but she will soon.
All of which goes to show you, kids don’t even pause at considering the impossible. They don’t know enough to know what they want to do can’t be done. I wouldn’t be surprised if that kind of attitude carries him far one day. I just have to hope it’s a bit less far than the bushes outside Meghan Fox’s condo some night.