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It Was A Dark And Stormy Night

There’s good writing. And there’s bad writing. And there’s horrible, barely legible scribblings drawn in blood, mud and crayon on the walls. Then there’s the winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. The contest, named after Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton and his famous opening line of “It was a dark and stormy night,” celebrates the worst possible opening lines of imaginary novels.

Every year, the editors select winners — if you can really call them that — who worst exemplify the excesses and cliches we all want so much to mock. This year’s overall winner was Garrison Spik from Washington, D.C., who blew the doors off with this wonderful entry:

“Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped “Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.”

A thing of beauty, no? Well, all right, no.

Go check out the rest of the list of horribleness.

— Richard

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