It’s not too late, dudes. I’m sure you can rush right out after work and stop by a gas station quikie mart on your way home and get a perfectly acceptable and romantic Valentine’s Day gift for your wife. I’m sure of it.
Okay. No. I’m not. You’re doomed. Fess up and take it like a man.
Whatever you do, don’t use the excuse that Valentine’s Day is just some made-up holiday designed to sell a lot of cards and chocolate and flowers and all that and that you really show your love every single day because she’s so wonderful and you shouldn’t be held to some artificial standard invented by marketing executives when you love her so much your love can’t be contained to only one day so you thought you’d keep spreading it out because you love her so very much.
It doesn’t work.
Trust me. I know.
Don’t ask me how I know, but I do know. The Bruise Of ’08 could tell you such a story. But won’t.
No, all this is true. It really is a silly marketing ploy, but, unfortunately, it’s one that works. People have become conditioned to believe that we need to show our love for our significant others (or significantly important this month ones) on Feb. 14. This is the day we need to adjust our definitions of romance to exclude things like TV trays, take-out bags, anything that comes in sets of six, or ties (when intended to be worn around the neck).
Remember when I said you were doomed. You’re not. Not really. Even a single flower, given with enough sincerity and meaningfulness, can stir even the coldest heart. Once you learn to fake those, you’re in.
Happy Valentine’s Day, dudes!