Tag Archives: thinking

I Cannot Tell A Lie*

Kids lie. A lot. About anything. About everything.

And we’re only now just catching on to it.

It used to be a truism in legal circles that when you put a kid on the stand, you were getting the truth as the kid saw it because kids don’t lie.

Which, ha, no. Not true. Apparently no lawyers ever interacted with kids all that much. Or no parents ever became lawyers, mostly because they already had to deal with an annoying individual who constantly split hairs on meaning and radically, deliberately misinterpreted the most obvious of instructions. Also known as a little dude.

And, it turns out, kids with Attention Deficit Disorder are more prone to lying than most neurotypical kids.

All children lie occasionally. But because of impulsivity and low self-

Despite the overwhelming evidence sitting right before you, most kids will assume you're a complete and total idiot and will believe them, not what you saw.
From Mister G Kids blog.

esteem — and their tendency to make mistakes that they think need covering up — kids with ADHD are especially prone to stretching the truth. 

Imagine that. A kid who is like to act without thinking, which mostly likely will lead to things getting out of his or her control, and someone who, because no one has ever thought all that well of their intelligence or behavior, believes the worst of himself or herself.

The impulsivity makes them act. The low self-esteem makes them do anything to avoid being called onto the carpet and told what failures they are again and again.

A definite recipe for lying. So we know going in that AD(H)D kids are more prone to lying. So what should we, as parents, do about it. I know smacking the lie out of a kid won’t work. Not from personal experience, thankfully, but from talking to others and doing some research on the topic. (Hey, it’s not like I’m winging this from my butt all the time.)**

Because these sorts of kids tell lies from their own insecurities, it seems obvious that we shouldn’t punish them for it. At least not when they’re young or not at first.

Instead, make sure your child understands what will happen if she gets caught in a lie. The downside of telling a lie — even a relatively benign one — may be obvious to grownups, but kids need to be reminded that lying usually causes more problems than it eliminates.

Insecure kids want to make themselves look better, be perceived as better kids. Impulsive kids are more likely to blurt out an answer — any answer — when they’re in a tough spot.

Teach your child to silently count to three before speaking, and to use that time to formulate a truthful answer.

One important point I’ve always thought worked well was to reward honesty. Don’t make it blatant like, “I’m giving you a quarter because you told the truth.” Because then they’ll run around shouting exactly what they think of as truth at the top of their lungs and expecting to be rewarded for telling Mr. Johnson his toupee looks dumb. But, every once in a while, put a hand on her shoulder and tell her how proud you are to see her telling the truth, even when it’s hard.

There is one good thing about kids lying. For the most part, they’re terrible liars. They consider, “Godzilla broke in while chasing a tiger,” to be a perfectly acceptable answer to “What happened to the lamp?”

When you catch your child in a lie, offer him a truth check. That is, give him one chance — consequence free — to tell the truth. If he does, no harm, no foul. If not, then bring the natural consequences.

Hey, no one ever said parenting was easy.

The good news is that, until someone comes up with a lie detector that can cook waffles***, we’re still pretty much indispensable,

Footnotes & Errata

* Hah! No. I most certainly can tell a lie. Not that I’ve ever lied to you. No, of course not. I would never lie to you.
** 98.4 percent most definitely doesn’t count as all.
*** There’s no app for that.

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Second Chances For First Impressions Rarely Go Well

What does it take for a dude to change his opinion of someone else?

By that, I mean, if you start out liking someone, getting a good vibe off of them, is it easy to readjust your thinking of that person to consider him to be a jerk?

Is it possible to go from thinking someone’s a jerk to thinking they’re an all-right dude?

Or will the lingering stigma of the first impression still hang around no matter how much she’s proved to be one and not the other?

I asked because I’m in the midst of such a reevaluation right about now. See, there’s this person, I’ll call him Ken and he’s somebody who provides me with a service.

No, not that kind of service. Sheesh, dudes. Get your minds up out of the gutter. I’m only being a bit obtuse because he might be reading this. And he might not even be a he. Or a she.

Moving on.

Anyway, I started out thinking Ken was a pretty all right dude, quick on his mental feet, friendly and a good guy to be around.

But then he went and mispronounced something. Badly. Repeatedly. And now I can’t help thinking he’s an idiot.

Now, before you get all up in arms about me being so very shallow and far too nitpicky, let me explain a bit.

See, I have what might charitably be called a huge vocabulary. I have a large working vocabulary, in that I can extemporaneously call up bit words, use them correctly and actually be able to define them. I have an even larger vocabulary of words that, once I hear or see them, I know what they are even if I couldn’t come up with them on my own.

Now, most of those words I learned through reading that I did on my own time. I didn’t have anyone there to talk to about the stuff I was reading, mostly because none of the kids my age were reading anywhere near what I was reading. Not that I’m trying to brag. I’m not.

Anyway, when I would run across a new word, I’d try to understand it by context and would then sound out the word. I’ve never been all that good at sentence diagramming and those pronunciation guides in dictionaries are gibberish to me. So I’ll find that I will be pronouncing a word one way for years, but realize that I’ve been doing it wrong and never knew it.

With that said, I understand that people can mispronounce words all that time and that doesn’t mean they’re an idiot. But it’s the caliber of the word here that’s causing me difficulties.

See, the word Ken mispronounced was calves. You know, the muscles on the back of your leg, between the knee and the heel. Yeah, those calves.

Ken pronounced that word as kal-vz. That is, the hard k sound, short a and hard l sound, followed by a blend of the v and z sound. In reality, the words is pronounced kavz, with the l sound completely silent.

This wasn’t a one-time thing as he repeated the mistake several times over the course of an hour or so.

I know it’s relatively minor, but I just can’t let it go. Calves is such a basic word and I find my second impression fighting with my first impression.

Oddly enough, in the opposite of what usually happens, I think my second impression (the reevaluation) is winning out over the first impression.

Now that I’ve opened myself up for ridicule, what do you dudes say? Can the second impression win out over the first and, in this case, should it?

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Educated In The U.S.A.

I grew up and went to school in Texas.

My young dudes have grown up and gone to school in North Carolina. My wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Getting A Bit Fed Up With This, grew up and went to school in Florida.

If the rankings of these respective states is to be believed, and I do, then it’s an astonishing miracle-like happening that any of the young dudes in our family can tie their shoelaces without drooling all over their shoes and forgetting what they’re supposed to be doing halfway through.

Education, in North Carolina, Texas and Florida is, to put it bluntly, being run on the cheap. Don’t believe me?

Here, check out this compelling infographic.

Produced By Best Education Degrees

Florida is the highest ranked of the three and it’s up there in the heady heights of 39th place, which is crappy at the very best.

I realize that not everything comes down to how much money gets spent on education, but it doesn’t help when our state government won’t put out the money to make a better school system. If we paid teachers more money, we could more easily retain the best teachers, those who would actually motivate students to learn and achieve more.

The results speak for themselves, I’m thinking. Money can’t buy you success, but it can sure make it easier for you to get there.

Talk to your state and local representatives today, dudes. Get on their case until they start spending enough to give our kids a real, first-class education.

For those of you interested in the provenance of the data, go ahead and click on the more button just down there.

Continue reading Educated In The U.S.A.

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