Tag Archives: Swamps

Freaky Friday: You Smell Ugly*

by Richard

Humans (thankfully for those of us who live in a household full of teenaged boys) have a really lousy sense of smell. I mean, sharks can smell a drop of blood a mile away. Bloodhounds can track a days-old trail through swamps and over rivers. We can’t even tell who cut the cheese in a crowded room. Or whatever.

Turns out, that might be a bit of a blessing.

Especially if you’re not Brad Pitt. And, other than the Pitt-ster himself, who is?

What I’m talking about this is, of course, science! According to some relatively recent research, smelling bad makes you look ugly. Sort of.

“We report an experiment designed to investigate whether olfactory cues can influence people’s judgments of facial attractiveness. Sixteen female participants judged the attractiveness of a series of male faces presented briefly on a computer monitor using a 9-point visual rating scale. While viewing each face, the participants were simultaneously presented with either clean air or else with 1 of 4 odorants (the odor was varied on a trial-by-trial basis) from a custom-built olfactometer. We included 2 pleasant odors (geranium and a male fragrance) and 2 unpleasant odors (rubber and body odor) as confirmed by pilot testing.”

Firstly, rubber smells bad? News to me, I guess.

More importantly, though, what the researchers found was that, in the presence of the unpalatable odors, participants found the pictures of the various men to be significantly less attractive.

“The results showed that the participants rated the male faces as being significantly less attractive in the presence of an unpleasant odor than when the faces were presented together with a pleasant odor or with clean air (these conditions did not differ significantly). These results demonstrate the cross-modal influence that unpleasant odors can have on people’s judgments of facial attractiveness. Interestingly, this pattern of results was unaffected by whether the odors were body relevant (the body odor and the male fragrance) or not (the rubber and geranium odors).”

This has a lot of implications, especially for the aforementioned teenaged boys.

Sarcasmo is a young dude who is aggressively anti-popular. What I mean by that is that, rather than take a chance at rejection, he makes sure to indulge in activities or behavior that will make sure folks don’t think he’s trying to be popular. That way, if someone doesn’t like him, it’s not him they don’t like, but, rather, the behaviors in which he’s consciously engaging.

Which is my long-winded way of saying we have to make sure he wears deodorant. When we forget to remind him. . . Well, let’s just say even we, as parents, don’t want to hug the young dude.

Anyway, I think this might prove to be an actual incentive for him to wear the deodorant more often. And maybe even a touch of cologne. Smell better and folks think you’re better looking. A pretty easy bit of advice to follow.

The only question now is if it will actually penetrate that teenage force field of “I know everything and you’re an idiot” surrounding the young dude.

*Notice the difference if I’d put a comma between smell and ugly. Were it there, I’d be calling you (well, not you) ugly. No comma and I’m saying it’s an ugly smell. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t be reading grammar books for fun.

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Day Four: Death March Without Cocktails

I’m sitting in a hotel room in Charleston, South Carolina, right now. Sarcasmo is stretched out on the bed across from me, peeking desperately at my computer screen as he tries to see what I’m writing about him.

Actually, it’s pretty complimentary. We just got back from a walk around historic Charleston. It’s nice. Really nice. Still, not sure I want the little dude to go here for college. And I’m not just talking about the expense. Although, seriously? This place is going to be amazingly expensive.

It’s just that I don’t know how well he’ll do when he’s this close to the beach. Too much temptation.

Speaking of temptation, so far I’ve not been in the least tempted to beat the little dude and then dump his unconscious body somewhere in the swamps along I-26. Seriously.

We’ve actually been getting along, which speaks well for both of our patience. Considering we’re known as clones, it’s a miracle we don’t scrape against each other more often than we do.

The only concern I’ve had so far today has been the concern that I was about to die horribly.

See, even though Sarcasmo is 16, he does not want to get his driver license. His mom and I do, if only for the help he’ll be in schleping his brothers around town. Which means we have to force him to drive and I thought this road trip would be a good opportunity to do that.

Today I let him drive on the freeway. When I could finally pry my fingers from around the hanging strap in the car, unclench my left hand from around the chair arm and scrape the terrified look off my face, I noticed that we were still alive. I’m counting that as a win.

More tomorrow. Or maybe something more fun.

— Richard

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