Tag Archives: Stupid

A Thing Of Many Splendors

It’s not too late to talk about love, right?

I mean, sure, Valentine’s Day was a couple of weeks ago, but that doesn’t mean that love, itself, is out of date.

At least, that’s what I’m going with because I’ve got a good idea here and I’m going to roll with it, no matter what day it is. Because that’s how we roll here. So let’s roll. Rock and roll. Rock up the mountain and roll on down the hill?

Moving on.

Love, to return to my original point, is a thing. This thing that is love, you could say that it is splendiferous. That it has many splendiferousnessids. Or many splendors does this thing has.

Or something like that. I really think I’m close to an aphorism there. Just need to keep working on it. I’m close. Darn close.

Moving on. Again. Still.

Love sprang to my mind the other day when I was driving along the road from Charlotte to Wilmington as part of the never-ending treadmill of college and home.

There I was, just driving along and minding my own business when I almost ran off the road. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I mean, sure I grew up in the South, but I’ve always been the sort of liberal individual who doesn’t like guns and tries to avoid looking at them or thinking about them because they only get me in a bad mood.

Mostly I don’t ready the many, many billboards advertising gun shops or shooting galleries or gun shows. This one, though, I just couldn’t miss.

While this picture was taken in, I believe, Georgia, the sign I saw was Yes, it really does say that if you buy her a diamond, you will get a free hunting rifle, for those sorts of people for whom this would be attractive, I'm guessing this would be attractive to them.almost exactly the same, but in North Carolina.

Yes, it really does say that if you “Buy her a diamond,” you will “get a free hunting rifle.”

“Well, BillyBobRayBoy, I weren’t gonna propose to ArleneSue, but, hell, son, I needed me a new huntin’ rifle since I lost the old one running from them rabid ducks. . . You ‘member, right? Anyway, figured I might as well put a pull the trigger twice, nowutimean?”

Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly how that conversation went. Or I might be stereotyping. But, either way, it’s a darn funny thing to see as you’re driving along the highway.

So. To love. And, no, I’m not going to end this by talking about how I “love” making fun of people who like things that are demonstrably stupid beyond measure different from what I like. Although, yes, it certainly looks like that.

Despite the somewhat cruel conversation I imagined up above, I’ll bet the purchase really was made with love in the heart. I’m certain the people who went and purchased a ring and a hunting rifle, did so for the ring.

Showing love for an amazing woman had to be paramount. The ability to blow the brains out of anything at 100 meters was just gravy.

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They Look Just Like Little Ants

Heights don’t scare me.

That being said, I just about barfed up every meal I ever even contemplated the very idea of possibly maybe eating at some distant, yet undefined time, in the future when I took a good, long look at a lot of these pictures.

Hanging from a cliff face and camping there? Nuts to that, dudes.
Gordon Wiltsie/National Geographic / Getty Images

Heights don’t scare me, but dude. . . These people are crazy! And I mean that in the most sincerely cracked-in-the-head run-away-screaming-for-your-own-good nicest way.

I mean, seriously. Look at that picture. Those dudes are hanging from the sheer face of a cliff hundreds of feet in the air and they’ve decided — not to do the smart thing and get off the cliff as soon as humanly possible without giving into sudden gravatic-assisted acceleration and deceleration — to drive a couple of pitons into the rock face and hang a couple of tents from these slim ropes and CAMP THERE!

I don’t think I’m giving in to hyperbolic hyperventilation when I tell you I had a hard time just lo0king at this photograph, much less contemplating actually spending time in one of them.

No freakin’ way, dudes!

This photo and the several others you can find on the article posted at the BoredDaddy.com website were gathered together under the heading of photos that will make your stomach drop. Although, looking at them, I get the feeling you’d count yourself lucky if your stomach was the only thing what dropped.

They're so suicidal they have to create a flimsy ledge and then sleep there? People, just get a gun. It's quicker.
Corey Rich / Getty Images

The thing about it is this: As bad as that picture is, and it’s pretty freakin’ bad, there are other photos that are even worse.

Take, for example, this lovely little photographic composition right here. Well, left here since it’s on the left, but I think you get what I’m talking about.

This is called portaledge camping and it was shot in Yosemite National Park. If you can take your horrified eyes off this appalling visage for a minute, I’d like you to think about the word with which these crazypeople have named their pastime.

They call it portaledge camping. Break it down. Porta and ledge. As in portapotty. As in portajohn. (Do you think I might be hitting a bit of a trend with the analogies?) That’s right, porta as in portable. Ledge as in what isn’t there.

It implies impermanence and a transitory nature.

Which is exactly the opposite of what you want when you’re using it to keep yourself from falling several hundred yards, ending in a quite sudden stop (except for the possible dead man bounce) on the very hard ground below.

And then they decide to SLEEP on it! With NOTHING to keep themselves from rolling off it!!!!!!!!

Need I remind you dudes and dudettes that these folks (who, along with Sheldon, seriously need an appalling amount of further testing to determine the veracity of sanity claims) are choosing to do this sort of thing?

Okay, sure. There are a couple of pictures in the photostory on BoredDaddy.com that look like fun (sleeping in tree tents in Germany, for instance), the vast majority of the pictures are enough to cause severe upward creep in the cold or scared detectors below waist level.

Still, it’s probably something you should go check out. Even if only to make you happy in the thought that these people probably won’t live long enough to breed the stupid more deeply into the gene pool.

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Smoking: Like A Million Punches In The Face

Let’s face it, dudes. Smoking is stupid.

Not only will using it as recommended lead to cancer and possible heart attacks, but it’s going to make you look like complete crap while marching you down that stinky pathway to your grave.

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the indisputable visual evidence, shall we?

Tell me, which twin was the smoker?

twin smokers

 

Not so difficult to figure that one out, yeah?

Actual researchers decided that it was time people realized that smoking doesn’t just make your insides ugly as sin, but also gets to work on your outsides (where other people can see you) as well. So, from 2007 to 2010, they recruited 79 pairs of identical twins in which one twin smoked and the other twin didn’t.

A professional photographer took pictures of each participant and then judges graded each face on the number and deepness of wrinkles and several other standardized measures.

As noted in one of the most recent issues of Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery, the results were rather alarming.

Smoking twins compared with their nonsmoking counterparts had worse scores for upper eyelid skin redundancy [i.e. lax eyelid tissue, the result of gravity, loss of tissue elasticity, and weakening of the connective], lower lid bags, malar bags [aka “cheek bags”], nasolabial folds [the “smile-lines” that run from your nose to your mouth], upper lip wrinkles, lower lip vermillion wrinkles, and jowls. Lower lid hyperpigmentation [thought to contribute to dark under-eye circles] in the smoking group fell just short of statistical significance. Transverse forehead wrinkles, glabellar wrinkles [the vertical lines that form between the eyebrows, where the nose meets the forehead], crow’s feet, and lower lip lines accentuated by puckering did not have a statistically significant differences in scores. Among twins with greater than 5 years’ difference in smoking duration, twins who had smoked longer had worse scores for lower lid bags, malar bags, and lower lip vermillion wrinkles.

As should be obvious just from looking around, some people look much younger than their age. *ahem* And there are some who look — sometimes significantly — older than their actual age.

There are a number of factors that contribute to this premature visual aging. These factors include exposure to excessive sunlight, drinking, weight loss after age 40, weight gain before age 40, and, as should be stunningly obvious by now, smoking.

It’s sometimes hard to convince young dudes and dudettes that smoking can be bad for them. They can deal with the stink of smoke clinging to their clothing and hair (I guess) as long as they think smoking looks cool. This, however, this right here makes a devastating impact on the whole “looking cool” idea.

Forget the fact that smoking will rot your lungs and make you unable to climb three stories without stopping for a rest. Think about this: Smoking makes you look like 17 miles of bad road.

Not a bad way to start off another round of the don’t-smoke conversation with your young dudes and dudettes.

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