Tag Archives: Stomach

Digestive Dangers Dog Dogs

There’s a reason human food is called that.

You’re supposed to feed human food to, well, humans. Same thing with dog food. Although, I did grow up with a girl who enjoyed nothing more than snacking on a dog biscuit, but I think that was more along the lines of a cry for attention than an actual appreciation for the crispy taste.

A recent article in the Huffington Post went on about twelve human foods that can harm dogs. And I’m not talking about dropping a huge wheel of Cheddar cheese on your dog’s head. Don’t do that, either. No, these are foods that are dangerous if digested.

In yesterday’s post, I went over the first part of the article, which included foods like chocolate, milk, cheese (see?), avocado, macadamia nuts, grapes and raisins, garlic and onions.

This go round, I start with something I’ve been doing to Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, with a distressing regularity.

The humans in our family love apples. Their favorite is the Honey Crisp varietal, which is pretty expensive. Because of the cost, I’ve encouraged the young dudes not to share their cut-up apples with the dog, no matter how much he begs. However, they and I have a tendency to give in to those puppy-dog eyes and drop the dog the apple’s core.

Turns out, that’s not such a smart thing to do. Apparently, apple cores (as well as the cores of plums, peaches, pears and apricots) contain cyanogenic glycocides, which you might know better as cyanide. Yeah, the poison. It’s not enough to drop you in your tracks if you eat just one, but it can build up and dogs weigh less than a human, so it builds up quicker.

Another no-no is feeding the dog active bread yeast or dough. If a dog ate active yeast dough, it can ferment in his stomach producing toxic alcohol or could expand in the digestive system, producing dangerous levels of gas and rupture the stomach or intestine.

One of the reasons we’re told not to give a dog chocolate is that chocolate contains caffeine, which is bad for them. (Us, too, but no way am I giving up my Diet Coke.) So it should go without saying that you shouldn’t actually let your dog drink the leftover half-caff, skinny latte. Or any coffee. Or Coke. Or Monster or other energy drink.

Caffeine overstresses the dog’s nervous system, leading to vomiting, hyperactivity, heart palpitations and even death.Bacon, yes, bacon, is bad for dogs. The poor dears.

Finally, most surprisingly, and most horribly, the food we’re not supposed to share with our doggie friends is. . . wait for it. . . not yet. . . bacon.

Yes, bacon.

I’ll pause here while we contemplate the appalling wasteland of the future without bacon. All right, enough. It’s not like we’re being told no more bacon, just don’t give it to Spyke.

Bacon, like most foods high in fat, can cause a dog’s pancreas to become inflamed (called pancreatitis) and stop working. Once that happens, the dog’s digestion gets all wacky and derails nutrient absorption.

All in all, that’s a pretty heavy and extensive list of human foods that are explicitly not for dogs.

Just to be safe, and prevent a lot of table-side begging, maybe we should just not feed Spot any human food at all.

Well, other than broccoli. Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, loves his broccoli and those greens are good for everybody.

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Playing God

The snake convulsively curled and uncurled around the mass of pulped organs that used to be its stomach.

It wasn’t a big snake, maybe a foot and a half long at most, which probably explains why it lost so badly when it went up against a car tire while trying to cross the road.

I found the snake at the end of the nose used by Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, as he sniffed his way through his latest walk.

The snake didn’t look good at all. Most of its middle was smushed along one side, as if the car had only crushed one side of it as its massively heavy weight rolled over the small reptile.

My heart broke for the snake.

Yes, really.

I’ve always had these strangely timed bouts of empathy. Which goes a long way toward explaining the Incident Of The Flounder On The Floorboards.

See, I’d gone river fishing in St. Augustine with my Dad and a dude I’ve known since grade school, who I’ll call. . . um. . . John.

Anyway, we were pretty successful and managed to pull in a couple of pretty good eating fish. The prize of which collection had to be the A flounder is a fish with a bit of a mutation concerning its eyes. Because it is a bottom dweller, the flounder faces danger only coming from above so it evolved to have both of its eyes on the same side of its head so it can look up all the time.nice flounder I pulled off the bottom of the river and into our boat.

To keep the fish alive, we slid a twine into their mouths and then out their gills, effectively leashing them to the side of the boat, while still allowing them to breathe enough to survive. Eventually, we’d caught enough fish and headed on home. We put the string of fish on the floorboards in the car and headed out.

And I kept looking down at the Flounder and it kept staring up at me. With both eyes at the same time. Flounder are creepy that way. My heart broke for the flounder. So I took a wet towel and dropped it over the flounder, not to hide its face from me, but to give it enough water to keep it alive for a bit longer.

To keep it alive. I was trying to keep alive this fish that we were about to gut, then cut off its head and then fillet it before cooking it and eating it. No, I didn’t think it through all the way, that’s for sure.

All of which flashed through my brain when I stepped up next to the snake. There was no way the reptile was going to make it, especially considering that the midsection of its body was, essentially, glued to the cement by its own body gunk.

The only thing it could do was to die slowly, in agony, writhing on the hot cement of the roadway.

Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, was bored. Since I wasn’t going to let him eat the snake, he had wandered off to sniff some bushes and maybe scent a few himself.

I stayed with the snake, lending it some of my shade, and thought about the flounder. Buzz tugged at the leash harder and harder, impatient to get going.

I picked up my foot, ready to turn and leave, when the flounder’s face flashed through my brain again. Good? Bad? Indifferent? Right? Wrong?

Did it matter in the face of a short lifetime’s worth of unending agony? My heart broke for the snake.


I slammed my foot down onto the road, crushing the snake’s skull.

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They Look Just Like Little Ants

Heights don’t scare me.

That being said, I just about barfed up every meal I ever even contemplated the very idea of possibly maybe eating at some distant, yet undefined time, in the future when I took a good, long look at a lot of these pictures.

Hanging from a cliff face and camping there? Nuts to that, dudes.
Gordon Wiltsie/National Geographic / Getty Images

Heights don’t scare me, but dude. . . These people are crazy! And I mean that in the most sincerely cracked-in-the-head run-away-screaming-for-your-own-good nicest way.

I mean, seriously. Look at that picture. Those dudes are hanging from the sheer face of a cliff hundreds of feet in the air and they’ve decided — not to do the smart thing and get off the cliff as soon as humanly possible without giving into sudden gravatic-assisted acceleration and deceleration — to drive a couple of pitons into the rock face and hang a couple of tents from these slim ropes and CAMP THERE!

I don’t think I’m giving in to hyperbolic hyperventilation when I tell you I had a hard time just lo0king at this photograph, much less contemplating actually spending time in one of them.

No freakin’ way, dudes!

This photo and the several others you can find on the article posted at the BoredDaddy.com website were gathered together under the heading of photos that will make your stomach drop. Although, looking at them, I get the feeling you’d count yourself lucky if your stomach was the only thing what dropped.

They're so suicidal they have to create a flimsy ledge and then sleep there? People, just get a gun. It's quicker.
Corey Rich / Getty Images

The thing about it is this: As bad as that picture is, and it’s pretty freakin’ bad, there are other photos that are even worse.

Take, for example, this lovely little photographic composition right here. Well, left here since it’s on the left, but I think you get what I’m talking about.

This is called portaledge camping and it was shot in Yosemite National Park. If you can take your horrified eyes off this appalling visage for a minute, I’d like you to think about the word with which these crazypeople have named their pastime.

They call it portaledge camping. Break it down. Porta and ledge. As in portapotty. As in portajohn. (Do you think I might be hitting a bit of a trend with the analogies?) That’s right, porta as in portable. Ledge as in what isn’t there.

It implies impermanence and a transitory nature.

Which is exactly the opposite of what you want when you’re using it to keep yourself from falling several hundred yards, ending in a quite sudden stop (except for the possible dead man bounce) on the very hard ground below.

And then they decide to SLEEP on it! With NOTHING to keep themselves from rolling off it!!!!!!!!

Need I remind you dudes and dudettes that these folks (who, along with Sheldon, seriously need an appalling amount of further testing to determine the veracity of sanity claims) are choosing to do this sort of thing?

Okay, sure. There are a couple of pictures in the photostory on BoredDaddy.com that look like fun (sleeping in tree tents in Germany, for instance), the vast majority of the pictures are enough to cause severe upward creep in the cold or scared detectors below waist level.

Still, it’s probably something you should go check out. Even if only to make you happy in the thought that these people probably won’t live long enough to breed the stupid more deeply into the gene pool.

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