shopping

Cull De Sac

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard

First off, yes, I know the title looks like it’s spelled wrong. It’s a pun, or a play on words. You’ll get it in a little bit. Seems there a bit of a kerfluffle around now about cul de sacs, streets that have one entrance and then end in the opposite side with a circle in which to turn around. According to an urban planning professor, they’re bad. Bad for kids, bad for parents, bad in general.

Blah, blah, blah. That’s from me. (notice how I take such reasoned discourse when someone espouses an opinion that’s different from my own? I am the epitome of polite debate, yeah?) Still, despite the withering nature of my own attack, I feel the professor has a bit more to say. Shall we?

. . . if you live on a typical cul de sac, there is probably no way for them to walk to anything fun — the movies, the mall. So either we are stuck chauffeuring them (that’s why cul de sacs are so hard on moms), or they have to drive themselves, sometimes for miles, even to get a Slurpee. And the least safe place for teens to be is behind the wheel of a car.

Now, think of the way cul de sac after cul de sac empties into one, big access road. Usually those roads are wide and highway-like. Cars speed down them so fast, woe to any weirdo who wanted to walk to the grocery. But of course, that’s usually a moot point, because in the newer developments, there aren’t any sidewalks anyway. Result?

Flab!

Flabby kids and parents. Unlike our grandparents, we have no way of walking anywhere. And by the way, walking used to be a great way to meet the neighbors, too. Now everyone’s sealed inside their house or a car (and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference).

Those are actually the thoughts of Lenore Skenazy, the lady to whose blog I linked. She’s paraphrasing the urban planning professor. Don’t you just love the complete and direct sourcing I give to you all? It’s impeccable.

But back to the problem at hand. And that problem is that they’re wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And I’m not just saying that because we live in a cul de sac. Although it helps. I’ve talked to a lot of our neighbors here about this and we all agree that these dudes and dudettes don’t know what they’re talking about. Our cul de sac lets out onto a smallish, but still busy street. Our little dudes get all the street-crossing problems they can handle, considering cars hardly ever actually stop at the stop sign.

Hop on a bike and they can ride along sidewalks to a small shopping center that has everything from a grocery store and a pizza joint to a hair cutting salon and a UPS store. I really think it’s the best of both worlds. We got a semi-isolated place for our little dudes to roam around in and we also get the ability to teach them about crossing streets and finding their own entertainment on a bike. That way they won’t get so fat there’ll be a natural-selection cull down the road. (See? There’s the pun. Not much, but it was all I had.)

I say, enjoy the cul de sacs for what they are. And, if you want to work on the little dudes and dudettes, just kick them out and lock the door for a while. They’ll get the hint.

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Talking To Myself

Posted on December 13, 2009 at 12:01 am

by Richard

I realized the other day that I looked like a crazy person. Well, more than I normally do anyway. Okay, fine. It was a distinct difference from my normal behavior and I use normal in the loosest sort of way. Are we done now? Can we get on with this? Great.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Right. Crazy person.

See, I was walking through the grocery store being very normal, but I was also talking to my wife, known to many as She Who Must Be Heard, on my bluetooth earpiece. Now, I keep my bluetooth in my right ear for reasons that escape me, but it’s always what I’ve done.

So I walked down the aisle (grocery, not wedding) and I passed this mom and her youngish little dude, maybe four or five, on my left. I kept talking. The little dude looked up at me and responded, but I only noticed it a little. I kept talking and walking, but I had to stop for some canned beans and the mom stopped for something else nearby.

I kept talking while I was shopping. The little dude tugged on his mom’s coat and asked, “Mommy, why is that bald man talking to himself?” Sure, it’s an old realization for most, but I’m slow sometimes. I had to look like an idiot, one of those people wandering the streets listening to the voices that tell them to run naked in the airports. (A voice I learned to ignore long ago. Once was enough.)

And the problem is, I hate being one of those people wandering through a public space and filling it up with my jabbering to the air. I can’t tell you the number of times I walked by a person, heard that person say hi or something similar, respond to that person and then see them look at me like I was an idiot while they continue talking on their hands-free phone.

So I propose we put a ban on bluetooth devices except when you’re in the car. It’s the only way to. . . Hold on. I need to take this call.

“Hello?”

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Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!

Posted on December 1, 2009 at 12:01 am

by Richard

Counting today, there are twenty-four shopping days until Christmas. I don’t know about you, but that sort of knowledge scares the pants right off me. Which, I understand, could scare quite a few other people. Relax. It was just a metaphor.

As hard as it is to believe, we’ve already got our Christmas lights out and I received my first Christmas present. The lights are out this early because my middle little dude, Zippy the Monkey Boy, wanted to help me put them out this year, as well as wanted to get them out long enough for him to really enjoy them. Mission accomplished.

The present, though, that’s a little different.

Here’s what I got.

31o6XvTDOeL._SS500_It’s an ornament in the shape of Robby the Robot, one of the great inventions of all time from a seminal SF movie called Forbidden Planet. It’s not something I would have ever thought to buy for myself, so that pretty much makes it the perfect gift. You might also recognize this as (basically) the robot from the TV show Lost in Space. Anyway, I got it as a birthday present so I could have something of my own to hang on the Christmas tree. I mean, you can’t go wrong when you’ve got a robot hanging on your Christmas tree, yeah?

So, it’s time to start looking. I mean, it’s really time. You’ve got to factor in shipping and all. Time to get moving.

The clock is ticking.

Tick, tick, boom!

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