Tag Archives: Sasquatch

How Bigfoot Fits Into His Genes

Bigfoot still is a mystery, dudes. I know. It’s a bit shocking.

Especially considering all the hoo-ha a couple of months ago when a researcher claimed she had a some viable Bigfoot cells and was on the cusp of being able to sequence the entire Bigfoot genome.

You might recall, reputable scientists did just that a number of years ago, under the aegis of the Human Genome Project. We know where every single AGCT goes in our randy little genes. That knowledge should enable us, in the years to come, to delicately craft designer medications that will work best for you, or for that guy over there. Or maybe that dudette in the front row.

Handy thing, knowing yer entire genome.

Imagine my excitement when I learned that Dr. Melba Ketchum, a Texas-based forensic scientist and the face in front of the genome-sequencing effort, announced to a disbelieving world that she was getting ready to map the elusive possibly-primate’s genetic sequence.

Of course, the disbelieving LAME-stream science community poo-pooed the idea. So Ketchum and the others in her group, took their paper describing the Bigfoot genome and got it published in a scientific journal: the online De Novo . In case you don’t keep up with the scientific literature and find you don’t know the name of this journal, that’s because, prior to this paper being published, it didn’t actually exist. And the only paper that the De Novo ever printed was Ketchum’s paper on Bigfoot.

That’s right. Ketchum and her group purchased an existing journal, renamed it De Novo and then published their paper. A paper which: conclusively proves that the Sasquatch exist as an extant hominin and are a direct maternal descendant of modern humans.”

According to Ketchum and her group, the DNA shows a distinct speciation effect, showing that Bigfoot is not human, but a mix of human and something else.

So, yeah. That’s that. Case closed. Bigfoot exists and is the product of relatively recent intermingling between humans and some other primate. By relatively recently, of course, we’re talking tens of thousands of years. Geologic time, you see. Unfortunately for Ketchum and the rest of her group, there’s a whole bunch of scientists who don’t see it the same way she does, including John Timmer, the science editor for Ars Technica.

Timmer and other biologists looked at the samples and saw contamination of the sample, bad science and decomposition of the supposed DNA sample. In other words, it wouldn’t work. Period.

My initial analysis suggested that the “genome sequence” was an artifact, the product of a combination of contamination, degradation, and poor assembly methods. And every other biologist I showed it to reached the same conclusion. Ketchum couldn’t disagree more. “We’ve done everything in our power to make sure the paper was absolutely above-board and well done,” she told Ars. “I don’t know what else we could have done short of spending another few years working on the genome. But all we wanted to do was prove they existed, and I think we did that.”

Timmer has a fantastic article that goes through Ketchum’s research, talking with the good doctor herself, step by step and points out where things got a little wonky.

This is a great example of public science journalism. He’s not out there to make fun of Ketchum. He’s not some sort of rabid disbeliever out to debunk the “TRUTH” (notice the all-caps. Yeah, it’s that kind of truth.). He’s a scientist, a journalist and a curious man.

Go check it out. It makes for a fascinating read.

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Is It Nessie? On Ice?

by Richard

Rumors of giant monsters are nothing new. Pick out any people on any continent and there’ll be rumors of some vast, horrible creature living out in the middle of nowhere.

There’s the Yeti in Nepal. Nessie in the Loch Ness. Sasquatch in North America. (Insert joke about bloated, do-nothing US Congress here. Assume it’ll be really, really funny)

Apparently, there’s another monster to add to the family invite list during reunion time. Okay, this one has been around for a while, first sighting in 1345, but it’s a new one to this dude and that’s what counts. I mean, nothing counts until it’s noticed by an American, right?

Anyway. The monster is called Lagarfljótsormurinn. It’s found in Iceland and is a river/lake monster.

The story goes that a woman put a special worm on a gold ring to make it grow. Why a worm on a gold ring would make the ring grow, they don’t say. I think it’s something phallic, but that’s probably just me. I’ll leave it up to your imagination. Anyway, the woman came back and found, to her horror, the gold was just the same, but the worm had grown large and turgid. (nothing to see here. Move along.)

Terrified, the woman firmly grasped the worm in her two strong hands, struggling with it as she raised it up and down, up and down, until finally shoving it into the deep, wet depths of a lake. Along with the gold ring. Nope. No subtext there in that legend.

So the Lagarfljótsormurinn has been living in Iceland for a while, but sort of on the QT. Now, though, it’s cover has been blown thanks to the ubiquitous nature of video cameras on cell phones. There’s video proof(ish) of the monster’s existence!

A local, and by local I mean Icelandic, newspaper has some great video of the supposed lake monster. Go check it out. The site is in Icelandic so you might want to translate it. Of course, the translation is, like most computer-assisted translations, wildly original in its use of word and meaning, but it does (sort of) get the point across.

It might be nothing, but, then again. It might be something. And you’ll be able to say you saw a river worm grown large and turgid. Or maybe not.


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