Halloween is coming!
It’s inevitable. In a bit more than a fortnight, goblins and ghosties and ghoulies will roam the streets of almost every city in America and parts unknown. Candy will be demanded and given.
Tricks will be played. Treats enjoyed.
And I will be stuck at home.
For most of the last two decades, I’ve been able to hit the streets with one, two or three of the young dudes as an excuse. That is, they dressed up and headed out to Trick or Treat and, for safety’s sake, they needed an adult to go with them. Not that I wanted to go, you understand. But for the good of the kids.
And, if I had to go out, I probably needed to wear a costume of some kind so I would fit in. Surely you don’t think I would be wearing a costume because I like wearing costumes? Don’t be silly.
This year, though, I just don’t see it happening.
Sarcasmo and Zippy the College Boy are both too old to require a chaperone and, even more difficult to swing, they’re both far out of town on Halloween. For the last few years, I’d been pinning my Halloween Hopes on Hyper Lad and, for the most part, it’s been working.
That comes grinding to an inglorious halt this year, I’m afraid.
I’ve talked to him again and again about Halloween, asked what he wants to have for a costume, if he needs any help coming up with something to wear, or help creating something for the costume. All I got was a condescendingly incredulous stare that spoke volumes, mostly on the topic of “Just How Young Do You Think I Am?”
It was a horrible read, that volume.
Which means that I’ll be at home. Even worse, I had thought I’d be able to stretch one more year out of the costume chaperone thing so I didn’t actually plan anything else. I mean, I enjoyed years of post-costume Halloween fun before I started going to dress-up parties by dressing up our house and trying to scare the costumes off of any kid that dared to walk onto our yard.
I’ve got some good ideas, dudes, but I’m not sure if there’s enough time to pull it all together.
Although, I think I might just have an idea here. I’m thinking the Old Living Statue trick. Get a comfortable chair, dress up a bit, with some make up and maybe gloves, sit down in said chair and then put the candy bowl in my lap.
When someone walks up to the bowl, don’t move, don’t breathe, don’t blink. Get lots of questions and people trying to guess if I’m a doll (aren’t I, just?) or a person. Then, when they’re least expecting it. . .
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Is there anything better than scarring and scaring a young child? I don’t think so.
Who cares if Hyper Lad thinks he’s too old to go out Trick or Treating with his dad? I don’t. I’ve got other fun stuff to do.
But I need to get a move on. The clock is ticking.
And the race is on.