Tag Archives: Rat

Operation Mighty Hunter II: The Aftermathening

by Richard

Thanks to my cunning plan, lightning-like reflexes, eagle eyes, steely determination and the good luck of sitting down and doing nothing while a mouse ran by and then stopped to cower where I could reach him, I had managed to overwhelm the enemy.

With extreme-ish prejudice, I semi-terminated the mouse leader, exiling him to the great outdoors, home to many wonderful sights to see, like swooping owls, slithering snakes and ravenous raccoons, all ready and willing to show a mouse a good time. Well, a good time for them. The mouse? Not so much.

Still, dudes, I had to conclude that Operation Mighty Hunter II was an unqualified success. What I didn’t know was that, although I had struck a mortal blow to the leadership and the morale of the Rodentia enemy, Mickey still had some fight left in him.

Through painstaking intelligence gathering techniques too classified to go into here, I managed to piece the following together to explain the horrific events that took place on the morning after the conclusion of Operation Mighty Hunter II.

During the night, numerous members of Mickey’s warrior elite met and screamed at each other, all knowing their cause was lost. All determined to strike one final blow against the massively noble warrior who had taken out their leader. In other words, dudes, me. They wanted to take out me.

Finally, the biggest and meanest of Mickey’s fierce fighters, staggered free from the SqueakerDome where many mice entered, but only one mouse left. He knew what he had to do.

Working swiftly, Mickey cobbled together an explosive suicide vest made from C4 and gelnite as well as some seriously destructive bits of cardboard he happened to have around. Strapping the explosives around his chest, Mickey went to stand sentinel in the laundry room closet, confident in the knowledge that he would drop to my head, cling to my hair and manage to detonate his explosives, thus wiping out the greatest warrior Mickey had ever known. And the mouse.

Fortunately, mice aren’t known for their prowess with explosives. Or suicide vests. Or, really, long-term memory. Apparently, they forgot that I didn’t have any hair on my head.

I went into the closet to get food for the lazy, good-for-nothing cat who couldn’t close the deal on Operation Mighty Hunter I and Buzz, the garbage disposal that walks like a dog.

From high above in the closet, Mickey dropped squeaking his ultrasonic battle cry. Fortunately for me, I was so very sleepy, I didn’t notice when Mickey hit my bald head and then started sliding free. I just casually brushed it away.

Mickey fell to the floor. Well, almost. He hit in the middle of Buzz’s water bowl, the sides too steep for him to climb out. With the vest weighing him down, Mickey didn’t stand a chance.

Later that morning, I went back to the laundry room to find Mickey floating, face up in the water dish, his corpse poisoning the water hole in one final act of defiance, the vest nowhere to be found.

That’s the part that worries me, you see. That there might be another Mickey, maybe even a female, who desires revenge, who we could call Minnie, just for the heck of it, waiting. Waiting and planning.

And remembering the ancient Rodentia proverb: Revenge is a dish best served. . . with cheese!

Share on Facebook

Dude Review: The Lost Hero

by Richard

The ancient gods of Western civilization have withdrawn from the world following the epic events detailed in the Camp Half-Blood books, starring Percy Jackson (son of Poseidon), by author Rick Riordan.

Of course, just because the gods say they’ve withdrawn from their interactions with mortals, well, that doesn’t make it true. Knowing those gods as we do, through myth, legend and a great series of books, we can be pretty sure there’s still some godly meddling going on.

And there is.

In The Lost Hero, the first book of a new series called The Heroes of Olympus, we’re introduced to a whole bunch of new main characters, most notably Jason, a half-blood demi-god with little to no memory of his past, a strange tattoo on his arm, and a metaphorical target plastered on his back.

For now, let’s all get down on our knees and thank those self-same gods that Rick Riordan is back with another book set in the same universe as the magnificently wonderful Percy Jackson and the Olympians books. This truly is a cause for celebration. To me, the Percy Jackson books are what Harry Potter would have liked to have been if he had any ambition at all. They’re full of fantastically complex characters, fast plotting, tight action scenes and genuine emotional heft. These are books that all young dudes would love to read or have read to them.

Both my oldest (Sarcasmo) and youngest (Hyper Lad) young dudes loved these books. Zippy the Monkey Boy, who’s of the opinion that a book without pictures is a waste of paper, preferred to read the graphic novel version and leave it at that. His loss.

Anyway. Back to the book.

Riordan takes a bit of a chance with this book, consigning as he does, Percy Jackson to, if not limbo, then at least the literary equivalent thereof. That is, Percy Jackson does NOT star in these books. He’s talked about and missed, but he’s not actually on stage. The main player here is Jason, who’s memory begins on the back of a school bus on his way to a class trip with two people who may or may not be his girlfriend and best friend.

The action here is fast and furious, starting early and pausing only to let the reader catch his breath before barreling headlong into another adventure.

Jason, you see, isn’t like the other children of the gods who inhabit Camp Half Blood. In fact, his appearance at the summer camp for the children of the gods causes quite a bit of consternation among the staff there, and not a little bit of fear. But what is it about Jason’s very existence and attendance at the camp that’s causing this level of panic?

That, dudes, is the question. And it’s got a great answer. (Of course I had it figured out, but, then again, this is written with the younger dudes in mind. The fact that I and most other older dudes can enjoy it is just a happy bit of synchronicity.)

The Lost Hero is a fantastic read. If you’ve got a young dude or dudette who is even the tiniest bit interested in Greek and Roman mythology, likes fantastic adventure and well-developed characters, then you must get this book. Without question, this rates five (5) dudes out of five.

Buy it. Read it. Enjoy it. Then suffer along with me until the next book in the series comes out.

Share on Facebook

Tweet Your Face Off

by Richard

Just in case you’re stopping by here and you thought — to yourself — “Dude, I’d love to read more about this kind of stuff, but, really who has the time? What with all the secret trips to the moon and defending humanity from extradimensional incursions of thought beasts from beyond the stars? And stuff?”

Well, maybe not that. Maybe that’s just me.

I do, however, have a solution for you dudes.

You can check us out, not only here at your beloved repository of all things father-y and snarky, but you can also find us on the Twitter and the Facebook. You know, the stuff all the kids are talking about.

On the Twitter, you can find my feed by looking for rjones64 (Yes, I know, highly original and very descriptive. What can I say? I got on early and didn’t think I’d have to keep that moniker for all that long. I was convinced the Twitter was going down the tubes in a matter of months. So much for my fearless prognosticating.). You can tell it’s me by the picture. Yeah, that’s me doing my best impression of an Easter Island head. What? I’ve got issues.

On the Facebook, you can find our page for A Dude’s Guide just by searching us out by name. The name of the site — A Dude’s Guide — that is. Or just, you know, by clicking that link there. Go there and like us. Who knows? There might be something in it for you.*

And, as always, if you’re enjoying the writing here, but you’d like to read more from me where I’m just totally making things up, — as opposed to the strict truthiness here — you can always head over to my fiction-based website.

Finally, if you’re at all interested in giving me money (and, really, who wouldn’t want to do that? [Other than most people on the planet. But I’ve always said you were special]), you can find my business website for Web Words, an internet-based content-generation consulting service, just by clicking on the link there.

Who says we don’t offer far too many ways to waste time on the internet, just for your pleasure? No, really. Who says that?

*probably not

Share on Facebook