Tag Archives: Puppy

Digestive Dangers Dog Dogs

There’s a reason human food is called that.

You’re supposed to feed human food to, well, humans. Same thing with dog food. Although, I did grow up with a girl who enjoyed nothing more than snacking on a dog biscuit, but I think that was more along the lines of a cry for attention than an actual appreciation for the crispy taste.

A recent article in the Huffington Post went on about twelve human foods that can harm dogs. And I’m not talking about dropping a huge wheel of Cheddar cheese on your dog’s head. Don’t do that, either. No, these are foods that are dangerous if digested.

In yesterday’s post, I went over the first part of the article, which included foods like chocolate, milk, cheese (see?), avocado, macadamia nuts, grapes and raisins, garlic and onions.

This go round, I start with something I’ve been doing to Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, with a distressing regularity.

The humans in our family love apples. Their favorite is the Honey Crisp varietal, which is pretty expensive. Because of the cost, I’ve encouraged the young dudes not to share their cut-up apples with the dog, no matter how much he begs. However, they and I have a tendency to give in to those puppy-dog eyes and drop the dog the apple’s core.

Turns out, that’s not such a smart thing to do. Apparently, apple cores (as well as the cores of plums, peaches, pears and apricots) contain cyanogenic glycocides, which you might know better as cyanide. Yeah, the poison. It’s not enough to drop you in your tracks if you eat just one, but it can build up and dogs weigh less than a human, so it builds up quicker.

Another no-no is feeding the dog active bread yeast or dough. If a dog ate active yeast dough, it can ferment in his stomach producing toxic alcohol or could expand in the digestive system, producing dangerous levels of gas and rupture the stomach or intestine.

One of the reasons we’re told not to give a dog chocolate is that chocolate contains caffeine, which is bad for them. (Us, too, but no way am I giving up my Diet Coke.) So it should go without saying that you shouldn’t actually let your dog drink the leftover half-caff, skinny latte. Or any coffee. Or Coke. Or Monster or other energy drink.

Caffeine overstresses the dog’s nervous system, leading to vomiting, hyperactivity, heart palpitations and even death.Bacon, yes, bacon, is bad for dogs. The poor dears.

Finally, most surprisingly, and most horribly, the food we’re not supposed to share with our doggie friends is. . . wait for it. . . not yet. . . bacon.

Yes, bacon.

I’ll pause here while we contemplate the appalling wasteland of the future without bacon. All right, enough. It’s not like we’re being told no more bacon, just don’t give it to Spyke.

Bacon, like most foods high in fat, can cause a dog’s pancreas to become inflamed (called pancreatitis) and stop working. Once that happens, the dog’s digestion gets all wacky and derails nutrient absorption.

All in all, that’s a pretty heavy and extensive list of human foods that are explicitly not for dogs.

Just to be safe, and prevent a lot of table-side begging, maybe we should just not feed Spot any human food at all.

Well, other than broccoli. Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, loves his broccoli and those greens are good for everybody.

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Marketing Plan*

Okay, dudes, so here’s the deal.

Our book, A Dude’s Guide to Babies, is out and selling relatively well on Amazon.com. That’s good. (Go write a review!) What you might not know is that the book also is available in your local bookstores.

If it’s not, then you should definitely go talk to the manager and ask for a copy of the book. Even if you don’t want to buy it, say you do and have them order it. We’re sure someone will buy that puppy.

Anyway, because I am a complete nervous wreck, dying for every little bit of confidence and approval that I can force to come my way, I was in the local Barnes & Noble book store on Monday. Just to see if the book was on the shelves.

This is what I saw.IMG_2039

So, aw heck yeah! That was a nice little rush when I saw that.

But, I thought, it seems almost as if it’s fading into the background there. I mean, people will actually have to know it’s there and will need to search for the thing, even when they know in what general area it resides.

That just won’t do.

I mean, there was an entire section just a couple of shelves away to the left that was dedicated to Family & Childcare. It had several new books, and even a few about being a dad. Only there wasn’t anything there about being a dude. That needed to be rectified at once.



And so I made a few moves here and there. Moved a few things over to the side and such.

You know, as you do. And, very shortly, that display was looking just as good as it should, with A Dude’s Guide to Babies sitting front and center in the right place, for everyone to see as they’re moving past.

I mean, that’s a pretty darn nice cover, y’know?

Here’s where I would, if I were in any way sincere about this little bit, ask you to do your part and go out there to the bookstores all across America and start turning these books so they face out into the aisle.

* However, let me make this perfectly clear, I am NOT asking you to do this. It’s just a joke. A JOKE, DUDES! I’m just kidding. I really, really am kidding. 

I’ve been told by a trusted authority that seriously suggesting something like this could be a very bad move on my part. Something about book ninjas and vendetta and stuff like that. Not really sure what he was talking about, but, he seemed sincere so I’m going to go with him.

It was only a joke, folks. Only a joke.


This blog post will self-destruct if you should be caught by law-enforcement or store security. Which you shouldn’t since I clearly stated that it was only a joke and you should not do this. Besides, I’ve never heard of you. In fact, why are you reading this? Who are you, crazy person?

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Hiding Away From The World

by Richard

Don’t try to tell me napping isn’t the most important part of the day.

Seriously, dudes, just ask any infant. They’ll tell you a good pre-nap snooze, right before the big afternoon nap, really is essential for those wanting to get ahead. Or even get a bottle.

Napping is important. All the more important for big dudes such as ourselves who have to work all day. But, and I tell you this not from experience, but from a . . . friend, a guy I know who knows another dude, it’s really hard to nap on top of your desk without anyone in power finding and freaking out.

That’s, you know, what I heard.

Still, sometimes there just isn’t any alternative. Say, maybe at lunchtime. When you need that little bit of shuteye that will get you through the afternoon with more energy than a salt-stunned slug.

Which is why I love this little doo-dad.

The Ostrich Pillow is a (and I’m paraphrasing the dude who paraphrased the creators) micro-environment. Basically a soft, warm, possibly fuzzy, tube in which you insert your hands and head.

You get to hide away from the world’s problems and catch a lovely nap right on your desk.

Best of all, if you take one of those sleep of the dead naps, your drool won’t be spilling out over the desktop and getting papers disgustingly wet.

Nobody needs to see your nap drool.

Of course, should that be the case, you’re probably going to need to wash this puppy a bit more often than a non-drooler.

I’m seriously in love with this thing. Well, in love with the idea of it.

At one job, I’m in school and the thought of napping when there’s students around . . . Well, that’s just frightening. I need to be on top-level defense around those wildings. And, in the other job, you know, the one that allows me to do this sort of writing, well, there’s no one around to tell me I can’t stretch out on the floor and get a few zzzzzzs.

Not, I hasten to add, that I would ever do anything like that. Or at least admit to it somewhere my darling wife, known to many as She Who Must Be Keeping Us All Honest And Working Hard, or, more abbreviated, The Imperative, could read about it.

Nope. No naps at home for me. No, siree.

Still, I wouldn’t mind trying out one of these Ostrich Pillows. Purely for research purposes, you understand.


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