Tag Archives: Poop

Things I Never Thought I’d Do Or Recognize Being Done: Part 71 Of Well, A Lot

No. 71: My neighbor was washing her toilet in the front yard.

No, the shocking thing wasn’t that she was able to lift her entire toilet out of her home, carry it outside and still have it in good enough shape that she bothered to wash it out with a hose. The shocking thing was that I immediately recognized what she was doing even as I was far away, but walking toward her.

Because it wasn’t a giant, ceramic throne. It was a tiny, red plastic piece that looked just about the right size for a two-year-old butt.

Yeah, that kind of toilet, dudes.

Her youngest, a boy, is about at the end of his potty training and she wanted to make sure the toilet and receptacle inside didn’t come to define the house smell.

I immediately recognized what she was doing because I had done it so many times my self. Normally, you will wash out the training toilet inside.


However, there are occasions or young dudes who are a bit more. . . enthusiastic . . . about using the training toilet. And these little dudes tend to leave a more. . . indelible . . . mark once they’ve passed.*

On those occasions, you’re going to need a bit more than a gentle rinse in a, hopefully clean, toilet bowl while wearing disposable rubber gloves. You’re going to need a power washing.

Even from down the street while you’re wrestling with a Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, it’s impossible to miss that bright-red shape. Once you’ve dealt with it yourself, of course.

Being a stay-at-home dad, I came face to face with that sort of incident much more often than I ever thought I would. The thing that also surprised me was that she was doing said power washing in the front yard. I had thought I was the only one who ever did that.

Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, and I stopped to chat for a little while. Well, more of a commiseration than a chat, but you get the idea.

Funny thing: While she was embarrassed to be cleaning the training toilet in the front yard, her boy, the proximate cause of said cleaning? He was running around, smiling and happy as can be. He couldn’t wait to show me what he’d done. Or at least describe it in detail.

No. 72: Listen with great interest as a young boy describes a massive poop. And then congratulate him.

Parenthood changes you, dudes. It really does.

Footnotes & Errata

*That wasn’t intended as a punne, or play on words, but come on. That was pretty good, dudes.

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by Richard

So can we call this an oops baby?

Zookeepers at the US National Zoo had basically given up on Mei Xiang, the giant panda, ever getting pregnant. Just wasn’t going to happen.

Still, they figured, why not give it the ol’ artificial insemination try? Just for grins and giggles? Turns out, the long shot wasn’t so long.

Earlier this year, she gave birth to a newborn panda cub, which is a pink, hairless blob about the size of a stick of butter. We’re hoping the little dude/dudette lives past 100 days, since that’s when the zookeepers will consider it to have past most of the early danger and will give it a name.

So why all this fuss here, in the Dude’s Guide, about a baby panda? Other than the fact that it’s a good thing that the biodiversity of the planet continues to get a little help?

Mostly because there’s a webcam you can use to peek at the new momma and her hairless pink blob that will soon someday become cute. Much, much cuter.

Seriously, dudes, you need to click here and go watch this. Okay, sure. Mostly it’s static pictures of a sleeping panda or a panda-less screen. But, sometimes you get to see the big cutie pies. And, yeah, they’re adorable.

My oldest young dude, Sarcasmo, spent a couple of weeks in China two summers ago and, as part of his service mission there, did unpaid grunt work at the panda preserve. He got to work in the enclosure with them, clean out the poop (for which he had to wear almost surgical-like scrub suits) (don’t know if that was for his protection or theirs).

One thing Sarcasmo said was that he and the rest of his group were warned repeatedly that they had to be on the lookout to make sure they didn’t get mauled. Move slowly and don’t antagonize the beasts. No matter how cute they are, and they are cute, they also can be deadly.

But look how cute. . .

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Ook, Ook To The Monkey Boy

by Richard

Look out, world. Today is the day Zippy the Monkey Boy turns 18.

It’s the day he’s been looking forward to for a long, long time. He likes to think that, just because the law considers him an adult now, that he’ll be treated like an adult here at Casa de Dude.

His mom and I don’t like to disillusion him* about stuff like this, but he’s really not going to be treated as if he’s a house guest. Okay, we’ll probably not cut up his food and wipe his mouth for him, but he’s still a kid in our hearts.

At least until he’s the one who pays for dinner when we go out, but that’s a separate thing entirely.

Today, we come to praise Zippy the Monkey Boy, not to bury him.

With a name like Zippy the Monkey Boy, you’d think he was the one who was always running around, knocking things over and flinging poop all over the walls. He was. But that wasn’t why he got the name. He got the name because he took to climbing like greased-up pigs take to sliding.

He never did learn to crawl. Instead, he kept low crawling until he could stand up and walk. He wanted the extra height, you see.

Once he got up on two feet, it was only a matter of time until he started seeing the fences and stuff we’d put up around the play area, not as a thing blocking his way so he’d better turn around, but as another toy, something we put there so he could have fun climbing and dropping.

That was what we listened to when he was a baby. That thump. We’d hear it and know he’d found his way over another obstacle and we should be expecting his arrival any moment. Diapers were a wonderful thing for Zippy the Monkey Boy. Great cushion. Of course, if it were already a full diaper before he climbed and dropped, we got to clean a lot of flung stuff after.

He’s kept it up. One of my favorite pictures of him shows him high up in a tree, screaming out his triumph for having climbed that high. He was 15 when we took that picture. He likes to climb is what I’m saying.

His other most distinguishing feature through the years has been his love of animals. This is a little dude that has wanted to be a zoologist since he knew someone could actually tell people he was going to study animals all his life and people would be okay with it. Now he’s going off to one of the best marine science schools in the country so he can make the study of sharks his life work. If nothing else, it shows he’s able to find a goal and stick with it.

Zippy the Monkey Boy is getting ready to head off to Wilmington to try his act out down there, along the beaches, among the co-eds and out on his (metaphorical) own. Sure I’m worried.

But only a little. I have the feeling Zippy the Monkey Boy is going to keep on climbing, always reaching for something just out of his reach and finding a way to get it and then seeing the next thing just a little higher up.

It’s been an adventurous 18 years. I can’t wait to see what the next 18 bring.

Ook, Ook, Zip.

*no, that’s a lie. We love disillusioning him. It’s such fun.

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