politics

Independence Day

Posted on July 4, 2009 at 12:01 am

The aliens have arrived. We’ve found a signal in the static. It’s a countdown. I’m sure it’s nothing, though. They’d never have a saucer hovering over the White House if they meant us harm. Right?

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Oops.

Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not talking about the movie, Independence Day, but rather about the holiday of the same name.

Yes, I love July 4th and not just because it’s a good day to blow stuff up. Well, a particularly good day to blow stuff up. I mean, let’s face it: every day is a good day to blow stuff up.

Quick question: Do they have July 4th in England? Not-so-quick answer: Yes, of course. It comes right between July 3rd and July 5th. They just don’t celebrate American independence day on July 4th. Heh. Trick question.

Anyway, I do love Independence Day. I’m not one of those “‘Murica, love it or leave it” types, but I do love this country. Despite all the flaws, it’s a great place to be. Let me paraphrase an old saying: America is the worst country in the world, excpet for all the others. Yes, our country’s face is full of warts, but it’s a nice face anyway. Especially now that we’re not actively torturing people. Sorry. Politics just slipped out.

Moving on. I love this country so much I’m willing to sacrafice any kind of important content so I can go out, cook on the grill, blow stuff up with the little dudes and eat Fresca Floats, which really are better than they sound.

You need to get out there as well. Go. Have fun.

– Richard

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Our Long National Nightmare Is Finally Over

Posted on January 4, 2009 at 11:55 pm

No, I’m not talking politics. I’m talking the Christmas clean up. Finally, finally, finally, we’ve managed to get everything boxed away and put back up in the attic. For the first time since about three weeks before Halloween, our house is back to the way it should have been.

And by that I mean it’s only slightly less messy than your average pig sty. Yea for normalcy.

Our Christmas problem, you see, (falling only slightly behind a doofus who can’t decide on the proper size for a tree stand) is that we might love Christmas a bit too much. I mean, we have so many tree decorations and house decorations and outdoor decorations that we have to rotate them. We don’t have enough room in and around the house to display all the Christmas goodies we’ve got at the same time.

I think there might be something slightly wrong there, but I’m not going to be the one to bring it up.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to put everything away with only the help of my three little dudes. This year, I had help from my wife, known to many as She Who Likes Things Just So. Instead of my normal organizational method (known as just shove it into a box and pray), this year I was able to put stuff up in order. And I do mean order. The animal decorations went in one box. The Gator decorations went in another. The Florida Gator ornaments went into a different box. And then we had to get another box for all the Santas we have. It took us all day, but we finally finished. At the end, it was just the two of us, our three little dudes having run away to hide. As they skittered off, I could hear them murrmuring about finding the right box to put their clothes in and wether or not their mom and I could fit in a different box. I figured it was time to let them have a break after that one.

I talk to my little dudes often about making sure they don’t have too much stuff. How they need to do periodic clean-outs to make sure they’re not drowning in stuff they no longer want or use. I’m thinking it might be time for us to do that with the overflowing Christmas attic. However, when I brought it up to my wife, known to me just then as She Who Says Don’t Even Think About It, I realize that I’m just a silly dude and I shouldn’t even bring it up.

Who says I never learn?

– Richard

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Presented Without Comment

Posted on October 23, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Okay, not really. I mean, come on. When I’ve got something like this, well, I’ve just got to comment on it. Go ahead, click on the word “this” in the last sentence. I mean, seriously, take the time, read the story and then get back to me. I’ll wait.

Back already? That was quick. So, there I was, innocently cruising the new sites, trying to avoid politics, but still find something interesting, when I stumbled across that story. After I stopped laughing at the headline, I thought — to myself — I need to share this. Of course, I turned to my wife, known to me as She Who — no, never mind. That joke was just too easy. Also? She’d probably kill me and I’ve got things to do next week.

My wife (Must. Resist. Joke.) couldn’t believe it, so I had to read the whole thing to her. It took about a half hour because I couldn’t stop laughing. If you haven’t clicked through already to read the article, please do. Otherwise, I’ll seem like a completely insensitive cad. And just let me state that the reason I found this whole thing funny, despite a pretty serious topic, was the stereotypical reactions of both males and females to the act described. I’m not saying breast cancer is funny. My mom survived it, so I know it’s not a fun thing. Anyway, back to making me seem like an insensitive cad. The line that made me lose it was the following:

“The University researchers stressed that, though breast cancer is relatively uncommon, any steps taken to reduce the risk would be a wise decision.”

I finished reading the article, finally got control of myself and turned to look at my wife. (stay strong. stay strong.)

“Well?” she asked.

“I can protect you,” I said. “Right now, even. Because I’m just that kind of a nice dude.”

She threw a pillow at me.

– Richard

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