Remember way back when Dennis Miller used to be funny? Yeah, I know. Hard to reach back that far. Still, he was at his funniest when he was at his angriest, when he was on a rant.

I’m not that funny, but I’m about to go on a rant. And I do mean to go [...]]]> by Richard

Remember way back when Dennis Miller used to be funny? Yeah, I know. Hard to reach back that far. Still, he was at his funniest when he was at his angriest, when he was on a rant.

I’m not that funny, but I’m about to go on a rant. And I do mean to go off on it.

Back on Valentine’s Day, we got a comment entered in an post that was so old we had to blow the spiderwebs off it so we could actually read what we wrote. Which means, usually, we got spammed by some kind of robot. And not the fun kind. This robot-installed spam was hawking academic papers that you could buy.

Yeah, that’s right. The place, which I will not dignify with a link, is a cheating factory.

There’s an argument that buying papers off the internet isn’t cheating. That those papers only serve as a guideline to the — ha! — students who buy them. A way for them to help focus their thoughts.

Yeah, right. And I’m the Queen of Iceland. Admittedly, I do look good in a nice mauve prom dress and a tiara, but Iceland doesn’t actually have a queen. I think you get my point.

The purpose of an essay is not to punish the students. Well, most of the time. Seriously, it’s so that the professor can make sure the students have actually grasped the point of a section of knowledge and are able to synthesize ideas, resolve contradictions and form coherent opinions about that knowledge. These are all important skills. And buying papers off the internet doesn’t help achieve that goal.

I know I’m speaking as a very old person here. There’s no student who likes writing an essay. I know I didn’t when I was that age. But, now that I’m old, I can appreciate what it’s trying to accomplish. It’s a worthwhile goal. That and it’s fun to watch little dudes suffer like that.

I still remember the two all-nighters in a row I pulled in trying to write a coherent paper about Kurt Vonnegut’s Jailbird. That thing, like most of Vonnegut’s books, is a mass of twisting narrative that can confound the most agile mind. Of which mine was not. Still, I managed to get the paper done on time and turn it in. I got a “B” and counted myself lucky. I later found out I got that high a grade because the professor felt sorry for me when he saw how I looked when I turned it in. I know, how could he tell the difference? Har, har.

Still, even though it’s hard, people need to learn how to write coherent bits of narrative. You will be judged on how well you write. No one’s going to demand that anyone write as well as Christopher Moore or anything, but you have to be able to get your ideas across in print, or pixel as the case may be.

I just do not like these kinds of services. I think they cheat the professor and the student. And that’s not good.

Okay. I’m done. End of rant. Go about your business.

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Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. — Lewis Carroll

No. I’m not going to list them. I just love that quote. Plus, I love the contradictions that sort of thinking can lead to in most people. Most especially little dudes.

A couple of months ago, Speed Racer announced to the [...]]]> by Richard

Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. — Lewis Carroll

No. I’m not going to list them. I just love that quote. Plus, I love the contradictions that sort of thinking can lead to in most people. Most especially little dudes.

A couple of months ago, Speed Racer announced to the family that he no longer believed in Santa Claus. At the tender age of 10 years. It just about broke my heart. I thought all that kind of stuff, belief in the friendly phantoms of childhood, was behind us.

Turns out  I was wrong.

In the last week, Speed Racer’s lost two molars, both on his right side, one upper and one lower. They make for a nice gap, being one on top of another. His smile still makes everyone around him giggle, but now for different reasons.

Anyway. When he lost the second tooth, we figured it was time to put them into the hands of the Tooth Fairy. Now, when we started talking about that, I figured he was just going along with the joke. But first, I wanted to say we use a tooth pillow to store the teeth for the tooth fairy. It’s shaped, of course, like a tooth.

When it was time to put the pillow to use, we couldn’t find it. Speed Racer started getting frantic. I suggested he use a small zip loc bag to hold the teeth until they could be exchanged for the moolah.

“But, Dad,” he asked, “how will the Tooth Fairy find them if they’re not in the tooth pillow?”

And he sounded completely serious. Now, maybe because he knows how hard we defended the idea and reality of Santa Claus, he was just going along to get along, but I don’t think so. He really sounded worried.

I think it’s interesting that Santa has been thrown under the bus, but the Tooth Fairy is still hanging in there.

Maybe there’s still a little childhood left in there to be eked out of him. Wouldn’t that be nice? Certainly wouldn’t be like pulling teeth. (Oh, come on. You knew that one was coming.)

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I just discovered a grocery store called Trader Joe’s. I know I’m really late to the party, but when I get in a grocery store rut, I tend to stay in the rut for a long time. Hence calling it a rut instead of a quick digression. Like that. Anyway.

My wife, known to me [...]]]> by Richard

I just discovered a grocery store called Trader Joe’s. I know I’m really late to the party, but when I get in a grocery store rut, I tend to stay in the rut for a long time. Hence calling it a rut instead of a quick digression. Like that. Anyway.

My wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Adored, has been on me to go to Trader Joe’s for a while. Apparently, food snobs hippies people with discerning tastes have been raving about the place for a while. I finally went the other day.

Well, it’s no Skaggs Alpha-Beta (inside joke for old people who used to live in Dallas [hi, high-school friends]), but it is, um, interesting. Yeah, that’s a good way to describe it.

Mostly, I think the store is trying to get stuff grown by small vendors, no large farming concerns or big companies. They offer meat without all the good stuff like growth hormones or genetic alterations. You know, stuff that makes life worth living.

I’d been handed a cookbook of things I could make by shopping exclusively at Trader Joe’s. I’d picked out a meaty salad and thought I’d get moving on it. The place is sort of small and very short on canned goods, unless they’re organic or some other froopy stuff like that. Still it does have a good selection of cheap wine, some interesting beers and foods that I haven’t seen anywhere else.

Also? Every hippie in the Charlotte area was out shopping at Trader Joe’s. I haven’t seen that many pony tails on men since, well, since in a long time. (Hi, sis!) It took a while to get through the store, but turns out it was worth it.

I made a quick, easy salad with some nice chicken and black beans in it. Good stuff. So, if you’re into (sort of) healthy food, you might want to check out Trader Joe’s. You probably won’t regret it. (I know, I have the most forceful recommendations don’t I?)

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