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Groundhog Day*

Posted on February 2, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard

Hard to believe that for 124 years, people have actually hung out at a place called Gobbler’s Knob on this date to watch a large, furry rodent come out of his burrow. Yep, it’s Groundhog Day and the folks in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania,  are all set to freak out.

I mean, come on. What else is there to do in Punxsutawney? I think it says a lot when the highlight of a town’s year is seeing whether or not a rodent will espy his own shadow. Kind of sad, actually.

Especially considering the good folks of Punxsutawney have made up an entire mythology for the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. Supposedly, there’s only been one groundhog hanging around since 1886. The folks say he takes a sip of the elixir of life every summer at the Groundhog Picnic and that gives him an extra seven years of life. Of course, were that true, right now he’d have 744 more years of life. If this continues, we could have a functional immortal on our hands. Trust me, I did the math. (I know. How sad is that?)

Seriously, let’s all storm the good people of Punxsutawney and demand they give up the elixir of life. I’ll be glad to hold the groundhog hostage. Well, I will as long as I don’t have to actually touch the thing.

Anyway. According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow today, it will mean six more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t see his shadow, it’s supposed to mean an early spring.

Personally, I’d rather rely on long-range forecasting based on computer models and backed up by satellite eyes. I know. It’s so unrealistic to suppose weather can be forecasted by something other than a fuzzy piece of walking roadkill.

Ah, well. I guess that’s life in the big Gobbler’s Knob.

*no, not the movie. Although that is one of this dude’s all-time favorite movies.

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Questions, Questions

Posted on January 24, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard and Barry

Say you’re still looking for a pediatrician, how should you go about it. Simple, really. Just start asking questions and keep going until people make you stop. Again, from the book. It’s so good. Why not find an agent and send him or her our way?

You’re going to be spending a lot of time with the office staff, so you need to make sure there’s no one there who really rubs you the wrong way. Because, if there is, of course that’s the person with whom you ‘re going to be dealing with the most.

Here’s a list of 10 questions you need to get answered before choosing a doctor. This list is not comprehensive and you should feel free to add any of your own.

  1. Do you accept our insurance?
  2. What days do you work and is your office open on weekends?
  3. What are your hours?
  4. Can we meet your partners?
  5. If we call with an emergency, who will we talk to, a doctor or a nurse?
  6. To what hospitals do you admit patients?
  7. If we have to take our baby to the emergency room, will we see you or another doctor?
  8. How long have your been in practice?
  9. Are you board certified? (If they are, they have passed an exam from the American Academy of Pediatricians and they should be well-versed in the latest treatments)
  10. What is your appointment policy? Can we just walk in if our child is sick?

As we said, you shouldn’t go by just these questions. Again, ask your friends and neighbors what they were concerned about when they chose a pediatrician.

It’s always best to start searching for a pediatrician early on in the second trimester. That way you have plenty of time to look around and you might need plenty of time. After all, you’re looking for a doctor what will take care of your child for the next eighteen years, so you’ve got every right to be picky.

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Me First And The Gimmie Gimmies*

Posted on January 18, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard

When dads sit down around the campfire after a long day of herding little dudes and cleaning up after them, there’s a cautionary tale that gets told to the shivers of the listeners. It goes something like this.

There was a family with three little dudes and or dudettes. It doesn’t matter. The family was planning a vacation to somewhere warm, sandy and delightful. As they were doing the final pack up, they heard the news. At the resort, a bird who’s species is on the verge of extinction had flown into the engine of a fully loaded jet as it was coming in for a landing. The jet went down in a ball of flame, killing all on board as well as wiping out the resort and causing a fire that devastated the tiny island.

“Oh, how horrible,” said the mom.

“That’s just terrible,” said the dad as he began to unpack their suitcases.

The middle little dude looked on, aghast. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Wait,” he said. “Why are you unpacking? That doesn’t affect me, does it? Well, find something else.”

And the group around the campfire shivers, knowing the little dude just didn’t get it. All he worried about was whether or not he was going to get something. The dads hoped they were raising their little dudes to be better than that. They picked up their plates of beans and started a fart contest. Whatddya want? They’re dudes.

The problem is that little dude’s reaction wasn’t all that unusual. There’s little dudes all over the world that only care about something if it affects them, or how they want to do stuff. I may, just may, know this from personal experience. Maybe.

I’m not sure why this happens. I’m not sure how a little dude becomes so focused on himself that he sees the entire world through the lens of how it will affect him. I think, though, there are some ways to work with the non-functional-brained little dudes.

One way is the bait and switch. Offer the little dude something he or she really wants, or says he or she does, and then make it contingent on doing something nice for someone more than once. Or tell them they can’t have it. And then give it to them only after they’ve made an unprompted gesture of niceness toward another member of the family.

I think we need to make sure kids like these widen their perspective more than a little bit. Let themselves see the outside world has more to offer and needs more from the people living in it than what happens to them.

*not the band, although they’re awesome.

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