Tag Archives: Pear

Howard Stern Dethroned: Hail The New Kings Of All Media

I kept waiting for the make-up guy to start fussing over my head. I mean, I’d spent most of the morning shaving and buffing my hairless top so it would be nice and shiny. That way, the make-up guy would have something to do, since I, of course, and so astonishingly good looking that I would need no other enhancements.

I’m a giver that way. Always thinking of others.

Then I woke up and realized I was late to get to the studio so I could be interviewed on the local WCNC-TV’s Charlotte Today show with Barry. We managed to mention the name of the book, A Dude’s Guide to Babies, several times, watched as the hosts held up the book to the camera several more and generally had a good time.

And the make-up guy never showed. So watch out for the shine. It can be rather intimidating at first.

It went really, really well. Hosts Colleen Odegaard and Ramona Holloway welcomed us with warmth and enthusiasm, and the backstage crew did everything they could to put us at our ease. “Uncle Dude” Bob and Kelly, especially, were fantastic. We were given a nice space to sit down in the pre-interview room, just long enough for us to start laying the blame on each other in case it all went pear shaped. It didn’t

Barry and I knocked the interview out of the proverbial park and over the river running through it.

We were able to answer the questions with a minimum of fussing and stumbling and actually sounded relatively coherent. And that’s not just me saying that. We also have confirmation from relatively neutral sources who’ve seen the interview.

Speaking of which. . .

See? We didn’t do too badly.

Now we just need some people to show up when we’re at Park Road Books on April 7 at 2 pm to push copies of our book onto an unsuspecting public.

Join us, won’t you.

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Dude Review: The Lost Hero

by Richard

The ancient gods of Western civilization have withdrawn from the world following the epic events detailed in the Camp Half-Blood books, starring Percy Jackson (son of Poseidon), by author Rick Riordan.

Of course, just because the gods say they’ve withdrawn from their interactions with mortals, well, that doesn’t make it true. Knowing those gods as we do, through myth, legend and a great series of books, we can be pretty sure there’s still some godly meddling going on.

And there is.

In The Lost Hero, the first book of a new series called The Heroes of Olympus, we’re introduced to a whole bunch of new main characters, most notably Jason, a half-blood demi-god with little to no memory of his past, a strange tattoo on his arm, and a metaphorical target plastered on his back.

For now, let’s all get down on our knees and thank those self-same gods that Rick Riordan is back with another book set in the same universe as the magnificently wonderful Percy Jackson and the Olympians books. This truly is a cause for celebration. To me, the Percy Jackson books are what Harry Potter would have liked to have been if he had any ambition at all. They’re full of fantastically complex characters, fast plotting, tight action scenes and genuine emotional heft. These are books that all young dudes would love to read or have read to them.

Both my oldest (Sarcasmo) and youngest (Hyper Lad) young dudes loved these books. Zippy the Monkey Boy, who’s of the opinion that a book without pictures is a waste of paper, preferred to read the graphic novel version and leave it at that. His loss.

Anyway. Back to the book.

Riordan takes a bit of a chance with this book, consigning as he does, Percy Jackson to, if not limbo, then at least the literary equivalent thereof. That is, Percy Jackson does NOT star in these books. He’s talked about and missed, but he’s not actually on stage. The main player here is Jason, who’s memory begins on the back of a school bus on his way to a class trip with two people who may or may not be his girlfriend and best friend.

The action here is fast and furious, starting early and pausing only to let the reader catch his breath before barreling headlong into another adventure.

Jason, you see, isn’t like the other children of the gods who inhabit Camp Half Blood. In fact, his appearance at the summer camp for the children of the gods causes quite a bit of consternation among the staff there, and not a little bit of fear. But what is it about Jason’s very existence and attendance at the camp that’s causing this level of panic?

That, dudes, is the question. And it’s got a great answer. (Of course I had it figured out, but, then again, this is written with the younger dudes in mind. The fact that I and most other older dudes can enjoy it is just a happy bit of synchronicity.)

The Lost Hero is a fantastic read. If you’ve got a young dude or dudette who is even the tiniest bit interested in Greek and Roman mythology, likes fantastic adventure and well-developed characters, then you must get this book. Without question, this rates five (5) dudes out of five.

Buy it. Read it. Enjoy it. Then suffer along with me until the next book in the series comes out.

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To Santa-Size Or Not To Santa-Size. That Is The Question.

by Richard

Hey! Shakespeare. Who’da thunk there’d be a Shakespeare reference here? Not me, that’s for sure. Anyway, we’re back with five more tips on helping you dudes stay healthy during the holiday season. Obviously, not eating a lot of junk would be step one, but I think we can go into a bit more detail than that.

6. Drop and give me 20, maggot! You’re going to eat this holiday season, no question about it. However, what your body does with it will make a big different in whether you come out of this shaped like a pear or a six pack. Here’s the deal. If you exercise early in the morning, that helps your body store the food you eat as muscle, rather than as fat. I know getting up early and going to the gym or hitting the streets is tough, but — hey — sometimes dudes gotta be tough. Here’s a good exercise regime, not just for the holidays, but all the time. Catch 20-60 minutes of cardio training (running or cycling) at least three times a week, throw the steel for 20-60 minutes three times a week and then add in a long, slow cardio workout at least once or twice a week. Basically an hour a day to stave off death, keep you healthy and stop your belly from ballooning out. Not a bad deal, yeah?

7. Pre-eat. When you go to a holiday party, don’t go hungry. Take a few minutes before you go pre-heat the car to pre-eat for the party. Have a fiber- or protein-based snack. It’ll fill you up and help you stay away from the dessert table.

8. Down the hatch. Okay, when you go to a Christmas or holiday party, more than likely, you’re going to drink. After all, if there weren’t alcohol at the office party, how would we know Phil wears Underoos? Or at least he does when he’s sitting on the copy machine. Anyway. If you’re going to drink, stay away from the pre-mixed drinks like mudslide mixes or margaritas. Those things are sugar bombs waiting to explode in your fat cells. Now this next bit might seem counter-intuitive, but try to drink something stronger with a bitter flavor. That way, you’ll be sipping the drink and taking longer to consume it, rather than quaffing it down and looking for another.

9. No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy. That said, before you arrive at a holiday party, make sure you have a plan for what you’re going to eat. I don’t mean you have to write down — in detail — what you’re going to eat, but know in general what to go for and what to stay away from. Hit the vegetable and dip tray, but stay away from the bread and cheese fondue. If you’re looking for a sweet, try strawberries dipped in dark chocolate rather than the cookies.

10. Hit the hay. Here’s a great idea. Leave the holiday party a little earlier than you normally would. This will give you time to take a short walk after you get home. That little bit of exercise will help you — again — store the food as muscle, rather than fat. Also, it’s nice to take a walk with your sweetie. Finally, if you did drink a bit too much, drink a lot of water before bed along with some dissolved mineral tablets. That will give your body the electrolytes it needs to avoid feeling hung over the next day.

No matter what, though, make sure you enjoy yourself and do it safely. If you don’t look out for you, who will?

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