Tag Archives: New Year

Amateur Night

Amateur Night has come round again, dudes.

Be careful out there on the streets because there are far too many people, who incorrectly think they have a handle on their emotions, their ability and their driving skills, who really, really don’t.

Alcohol isn’t to blame for all of that misperception of ability, but it certainly doesn’t help.

And, to make matters even more non-salubrious, New Year’s Evil is full of people out drinking — a lot — who don’t often drink all that much. And, being the kind of people we mostly are, even when we’re stumbling drunk, we’ll never admit it. Which means these amateurs will head out and keep on drinking. Because they’re obviously not even afflected — notevena liddlebt.

If you see where I’m going here.

Of course, not all that sure that the professional drinkers out tonight are any sort of person to emulate, either. People who drink a lot and do it often, might understand they’re impaired, but statistics show that they still get behind the wheel or drunk dial their exes at 3:27 am for sparkling, slobbering conversation with an answering service.

So that’s not all that good.

Listen. I know we’re all headed out, looking for a good time. But understand it’s okay if your good time doesn’t end with you face down in a suburban roadside swale, blowing bubbles with your nose in the stagnant rainwater.

It’s okay to go out, not drink all that much (if at all) and then wake up on Jan. 1 without a blinding hangover. Really, it is.

In fact, it might make you feel slightly more optimistic about the coming new year if you can do a bit more than moan pitifully and weakly wave toward the curtains in the vain hope that you’ll spontaneously develop telekinetic powers and will close the drapes tighter.

Remember, there’s a lot of unsafe amateur drinkers (and even more unsafe professional drinkers) out there tonight: Avoid them. Come home safely and start out the new year the right way: Alive and happy.

#NewYear #HappyNewYear

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Stand Up, Sit Down, Live, Live, Live

Just to get your new year off right, I thought I’d send you dudes crashing to the floor.

Sort of. See, the thing of it is this: I just know that once you dudes and dudettes read this little story, you’re going to be sitting on the floor within the hour. Not that it’s that shocking that you’ll fall there, but you’re going to want to sit down just to see.

If a middle-aged or older man or woman can sit and rise from the floor using just one hand – or even better without the help of a hand – they are not only in the higher quartile of musculo-skeletal fitness but their survival prognosis is probably better than that of those unable to do so.

The test was a simple assessment of the subjects’ ability to sit and then rise unaided from the floor. The assessment was performed in 2002 adults of both sexes and with ages ranging from 51 to 80 years. The subjects were followed-up from the date of the baseline test until the date of death or 31 October 2011, a median follow-up of 6.3 years.

Before starting the test, they were told: “Without worrying about the speed of movement, try to sit and then to rise from the floor, using the minimum support that you believe is needed.”

As it turns out, the people who were able to stand and sit without using any help or using their hands had a much higher level of survival than did those who needed assistance.

Yeah, as soon as I read that, I sat down and then stood up rather quickly. Without help or using my hands, I must add. Feeling pretty good about my survival chances. So good, in fact, that I’m contemplating jumping out of an airplane.

Although I’m not sure this test actually considers that sort of thing.

Over the study period 159 subjects died, a mortality rate of 7.9%. The majority of these deaths occurred in people with low test scores – indeed, only two of the deaths were in subjects who stood and sat unaided.

Sounds good to me.


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Reflection? In A Mirror, Maybe

Welcome, dudes, welcome one and all to the new year!

Welcome to 2013!

Provided you use the Gregorian calendar, and date from the same year zero as do the majority of the people in this country. And provided you don’t use the Chinese calendar, or the Jewish calendar. Or. . .

You know what? I’m just going to stick with the Gregorian. Your actual year might vary.

Still, with the turn of the year, the minds of many a dude and dudette turn to reflecting on the year that’s past and looking forward to the new year that’s just arrived. This is what leads to the abomination known as New Year’s Resolutions.

I’ve never liked New Year’s Resolutions, as I’m sure I’ve said many times before.

Instead, I like to be a little contrary (imagine that) and simply focus on what will make this day, right here, better than was the day before. Sure it seems like splitting hairs, but with my head of no-hair, that’s not something I do lightly.

Self improvement isn’t something that needs to be done only on one day. My oldest young dude, Sarcasmo, away in Idaho learning to be a better human being, is getting a wonderful chance to see into the depths of his being. He gets a chance to really look into what makes him, well, him, and to see if there’s anything he can to do make himself better.

Frankly, I think that’s something we could all stand to do a bit more often.

It’s been brought to my attention that I might, possibly, sort of, maybe kind of interrupt people when they’re talking. I don’t mean to be rude, but I can pretty much figure out where they’re going with their sentences and I want them to hurry up and get there. People (and, yes, dear, I am talking about you) have told me again and again that it’s a big pain in the butt.

Yeah. Sorry. That is the thing I’ve been working on for the last little while. Not because of the new year, but because I really am trying to be a better dude and part of that is trying to be less annoying to those around me.

If you’re still the type to make New Year’s Resolutions, why not make one to reevaluate yourself every couple of months, instead of only at the end of the year?

It couldn’t hurt.

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