Tag Archives: Moron

Answering The Unasked Questions

Death sucks.

Yes, I realize that I am courting the obvious there, but I thought we needed to restate where we stand on the issue. Sure there are some occasions, some deaths, where the cessation of breathing is cause for celebration and I would not try to argue that.

For the most part, though, people who die don’t want to die.

Again, blindingly obvious, but stick with me. I do have a purpose to this.

See, we as civilians only have to deal with death on a fairly irregular basis. It’s not like we see it every day as part of our job. Because we, as civilians, are not doctors.

Shara Yurkiewicz is a fourth-year medical student at Harvard Medical School where she’s learning what it takes to become a physician. She’s taking classes about anatomy, about chemistry, about diagnosis of disease and all of that.

However, it’s what she’s going to learn outside of the classroom that will determine how good of a doctor she becomes. My wife, known to many as She Who Must Be Our Best Chance, also is a doctor. She’s an OB/GYN and she’s one of the best doctors I’ve ever met. Not only is she a dedicated physician, who continues her medical education every day, but she’s also got a tremendous stirrup-side manner. She connects with her patients as people, as sometimes friends.

And patients appreciate that. She didn’t learn that in a classroom, but it’s a big part of why she’s such a great doctor. Shara Yurkiewicz has plenty of time to work on her bedside manner, but, right now, she’s still learning some powerful lessons.

Thankfully, she shares a lot of those lessons with readers of her Scientific American blog “This May Hurt A Bit,” which follows her trials and tribulations as a medical student.

In a recent column, Ms. Yrukiewicz transcribes a conversation she Diversity can be accomplished with tiny, little steps and it's not all that hard, now, is it?had with a patient following his hip-fracture repair. It offers we civilians a gripping view inside the real-world learning medical students must go through to become effective doctors.

She thanks the patient for allowing her, a medical student, to watch as the surgeons worked to fix his hip. It’s a relatively bland conversation and I began to wonder why it was in her blog. Until we neared the middle and things — through no one’s fault — began to go downhill.

Very badly downhill.

I watched as they kept your eyes shut and handled your body just as gently as they had a few hours ago.

I listened to the final zip of the body bag. I don’t know who had the time to switch off the radio, but I’m glad they did.

I listened as the nurse asked God to rest your soul.

I watched you leave in a different kind of bed, to a different place. I’m not sure where.

You can learn a lot from watching. Thank you for letting me watch.

We fixed your hip, sir.

The operation was a success, but the patient died. It’s not an oxymoron, but a notice that physicians must understand the different values for success.

To become a good doctor, medical students need to understand that patients are not simply a presentation of diseases and symptoms. They are people, with lives and loves and desires all their own.

What Ms. Yrukiewicz doesn’t mention in her post is the next most important lesson a good doctor must learn: How to learn everything you can about what happened so it doesn’t happen again and then move on to the next patient, fully confident that the surgery will be a success and the patient will survive.

Her blog provides an interesting look into the world of student physicians. I’d recommend you dudes and dudettes go and give it a read. It’s always interesting to learn what the person on the other side of the white lab coat is thinking.


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What Am I Thinking Now?

Men are not morons. Women are not ineffable*.

Yet every single day, we’re all of us in America and — possibly — elsewhere bombarded with cliché after cliché that says otherwise. We hear that men can’t think their way out of a wet paper bag. We hear that women will forever be unknowable to a dude, that he will never actually understand why she does what she does.

It’s demonstrably not true and, yet, we let this prevarication continue ad infinitum.

Why? Why do we allow this? I think it’s because we’ve all run into someone who won’t bust the cliché. Some dude who really is a moron. Some woman who really does operate on a plane above the rest of us. Then we shrug and tell ourselves that the old cliché must be true and here’s the proof.

Really, though, I think those instances are not proof of the majority, but instances of a rarity.

The confusion and condescension occur not because of what we are, but what we say.

The problem is that we dudes won’t talk openly to you dudettes. And you dudettes won’t talk openly about your motivations to we men.

We all are expected to be mind readers. The problem is that telepathy doesn’t actually exist. We can’t read minds.

If men would explain that they, for instance, forgot their anniversary not because they were a moron, but because they were worried about whether they would miss out on the good office chairs and what that meant for their careers. They’d still be in trouble, mind you, but not because they were idiots.

The first woman who steps up and explains exactly why it’s important to her that when she goes to pick out furniture, she not only wants the man in her life to accompany her, but she wants him to want to go as well and if he doesn’t. . . Well, it’s going to be a long day. Explain that thinking and you’d be a national hero to at least slightly less than half the population of this country.

And, dudes, believe it or not, it’s even worse on the romance front.

Zig when she wants you to zag and you’re a moron. She’s angry because you just don’t understand her.

Again, it’s all down to communication. Actually talk out loud and tell your partner what you really want. Don’t hint. Don’t expect him or her to know it and be angry if she/he doesn’t? It can be as simple as that: Ask for what you want. You might not get it, but it’s better to understand desire and taste, than it is to wonder what went wrong.

Open lines of communication allow significant others to actually see what the other person wants, try to fit it in with what they want, and see if there is any way that the two (or however many) of you can get at least part of what you want.

Step out of the stereotype. Talk to each other and you’ll be amazed how good life can be.

Or you’ll find out you can’t stand one another, but then you at least you know it’s time to move on and start over, and that can’t be a bad thing.

 

*look it up.

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Why Are They?

Why are men such morons?

Every little while, I’ll go digging deep into the metadata here at A Dude’s Guide . . . to Everything and what I find is sometimes a big of an experience.

For instance, take that question a couple of sentences above here. No, really. Take it. This kind of thing just annoys the heck out of me.

I mean, let’s look at the assumptions behind this, all right, dudes? First off, since the Questioner was asking about men being morons, that would imply that being a moron is something only men do? After all, Q didn’t ask about people being morons. This interrogative simply assumes that men are, in fact, morons and is asking the reason for this totally believable state of affairs.

Yes, I’ll readily admit that some men are morons. Huge, drooling, mouth-breathing morons. No question. However, that state of being isn’t reserved simply for those sporting a Y chromosome. I’ve run into plenty of the ladies who wouldn’t know what to do with an original thought if it snuck up on them and slapped them in the face with a semi-conscious cod.

Morons cross the gender barrier with a great deal of ease.

But you don’t see anyone asking why women are morons, now do you? Instead, the most common question you hear asked about women is something along the lines of “What do women want? I’ll never understand them.”

Basically, both questions are looking to pierce the same heart of darkness: they don’t understand the motivations that drive the opposite sex. However, in both cases, in both questions, the dudes are to blame Either men are morons because of the way they act, or they are morons because they can’t figure out what women want.

Seems as if the deck is a bit stacked there, yeah?

And, really, neither gender is all that hard to figure out.

Women want what they want, when they want it because they want it. Unless they don’t want it.

See? Dead easy.

Men aren’t morons. Really, we’re not. We are simple beings at heart. The vast majority of us seek physical comfort, a group to which we can belong, and a chance to run riot every once in a while, as long as we’re not causing permanent damage.

Again, dead easy.

If anyone sat down and thought about this seriously for about five minutes, it would all be solved and we could go home early, maybe score some steaks for the grill and sit in our chairs watching football. Or something.

The problem isn’t in what men and women are. The problem is what we say.

Which is a perfect time to say I’m outta here for the day. We’ll reconvene tomorrow and I’ll finish my thought. Provided I can actually come up with something semi-intelligent sounding between now and then to fill in the space.

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