Tag Archives: Mel Brooks

St. Patrick’s Day. What? Where You Seriously Considering Something Else?

by Richard

Possibly the best/worst St. Patrick’s Day of my life occurred in college at the University of Florida. Are any of you dudes surprised about that? No, I didn’t think so.

It was also the only day I deliberately, consciously blew off a whole day of class.

And, of course, it all had to do with the green beer.

There was a bar near my fraternity house. The bar was called Riprocks and it was (in)famous for its four-for-one night in which you could purchase one drink and get three more just like it for free. Hey, it was the ’80s. Lay off. We didn’t know any better.

Anyway, this particular St. Patrick’s Day, Riprocks advertised that they would open up at 10 am and be serving green beer all day long at ridiculously low prices and also selling chicken wings (possibly also dyed green. The details escape me.) for cheap. And I got it into my head that I, and a couple of other friends, should go over there and spend the entire St. Patrick’s Day sitting in their outside cafe, drinking green beer and eating chicken wings, even though it was a school day.

And, oddly, that’s just what we did. The thing I remember most is that, at some point during the evening, the sun had gone down and I was running a race against one of the fastest people in my fraternity. I, who was then at my largest, was running a race against the fastest kid I knew, in the middle of the main street in town, at night, after a day of consuming green beer and chicken wings.

Yeah, the fact that I survived college is a bit of a miracle to me as well.

These days, though, things are much different. There’ll be no beer, green or otherwise, although there will be a green Florida Gator shirt because, well, some things don’t changes. And, instead of haunting a bar, I’ll be taking my three young dudes and my wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Appeased With A Musical At Least Once Every Three Months to see a musical.

Of course, the musical is based on Mel Brooks’ movie, Young Frankenstein, because appeasement only goes so far. Still, I think we’re all looking forward to seeing a monster in green instead of a green monster in our glass.

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In The Land Of The Armless, The One-Armed Man Is King

by Richard

To quote Mel Brooks, “It’s good to be the king.” Or at least it would be if I really were in the land of the armless. Unfortunately, I’m in the normal land here where most everybody has two arms, two hands and can actually get stuff done.

Yep, you guessed right. It’s time for a whine-fest.

It’s been almost two weeks since I had my shoulder operated on and I’m already getting very, very, very tired of walking around with one arm in a sling, strapped to my body. My right arm is basically useless. I’ve been told I can’t even hold things with my right hand because I don’t want to strain the newly repaired muscles and tendons in my shoulder.

I never realized how much I actually do during the day until I couldn’t do any of those things.

I have to get help from my young dudes to tie my shoes. Zipping up is a monumental task. Putting on deodorant requires a few acts of contortions that would strain the credulity of India rubber men at the freak show. I can’t even wash dishes.

See, the thing is I know I have ADD. I can’t sit and do just one thing. If I’m watching TV, I’ll also need to read a book at the same time because I can’t just watch. During most evenings, I will be doing stuff in the kitchen while also keeping an eye on the TV or something similar. Now I can’t.

TV, by itself, is just so boring.

Sitting at the keyboard to write is a chore now. I have to type so very slowly. By the time my fingers have hunted-and-pecked their way to being even with my brain, my brain has moved on and forgotten what I was writing about in the. . .

Still, I can’t get too annoyed. I know I will get the use of my right arm back. Eventually. I’m a lot luckier than a lot of people who are learning to adjust to life with only one arm.

Still. . .

Still. . .

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