Tag Archives: Loving

Things To Do In Charlotte: Sex & Sensability

If you’re the type of dude who never tires of learning more about sex, have I got an event for you.

Sponsored by Mintview OB/GYN, Sex & Sensability is an outstanding event designed to demystify sex by providing you with the tips and tools you need become creative, loving and successful in bed.

Or the kitchen. Or the mud room. Or wherever. That’s part of the point.

The event is going to take place on March 27, from 6-9 pm in the Visulite Theater, 1615 Elizabeth Ave., Charlotte. Tickets are only $10 per person and, brother, that is money well spent. Not only do you get a dynamite presentation and Q&A session, but you also score some appetizers and a goodie bag.

I’ll let you dudes in on a little secret. See, I happen to know one of the presenters pretty well.

Okay, slightly more than pretty well. I’ve been sleeping with her for the past two decades. Yes, it’s my wife, known to others as She Who Must Be Listened To.

I worked with her to prepare the slideshow/presentation that forms one of the spines of this spine-tingling evening and I can tell you from experience: This is a talk, a presentation that you want to attend.

Don’t be afraid to be a man at a talk presented by an OB/GYN office. This presentation is for both men and women, even if it’s slightly more weighted to the distaff side of the aisle. Which makes it even better for you to be there.

It’s only a couple of hours, but it could change how you approach sex for the rest of your life.

A tremendous lecture and Q&A session about increasing your happiness in your sex life.

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Sunday Serenade: I Am Superman

I’m back, dudes. I’m back.

I know you haven’t noticed anything, but I’ve not been able to post anything from the regular Dude Fort for the past week or so. I’ve had to actually resort to posting via e-mail. It was driving me nuts because I couldn’t figure it out.

Although, eventually, of course, I did. Which is why I’m going on and on about being back. Boy, I can really run a subject into the ground pretty quickly, can’t I?

Anyway.

Let’s talk music. The family and I are headed to the movies to see Man of Steel tonight because it’s Father’s Day and I’m a father and that’s what I want to do.

I like Father’s Day. Mostly because of this right here. Other than my birthday, it’s just about the only other day during the year that I can be almost assured that we’re going to do what I want to do, eat where I want to eat. And that’s a nice thing, especially considering how I adore Mexican food, while the rest of my immediate family — at best — tolerates it.

As I sit here hammering away at the keyboards, it’s raining like you wouldn’t believe. Well, you probably would believe. I mean, there’s no giant boats floating past with different animals at each window, or anything. It’s just a heavy rain is what I mean.

But it brings to mind my own dad. It’s the inclement weather. See, growing up, I didn’t always see a lot of my dad. He was a doctor and that kept him pretty busy. Unless there was some sort of sporting event. He made the time. Not only was he a spectator, before I hit high school and began playing on school teams, my dad more often than not was at least one of my coaches.

He wasn’t one of those — literally — fair-weather coaches, content to put their name on the trophy and leave the hard work up to someone else. Nope, Dad was out there working with us every day we practiced. If it was pouring down rain on a game day? He was waiting with us, hoping it would clear just long enough to get on the field. Heck, I remember one football game — in Dallas, Texas, mind — where it snowed the night before the game, leaving behind a nice little six-inch cover. We played anyway. And there he was, on the sidelines, cheering us on and telling us what to do. So not much different than any other day, really.

We haven’t always gotten along all that well, my dad and me. Divorce is a difficult time, not only for parents, but the relationship between Man-of-Steel-One-Sheet-Image-610x732parent and child. Some people would give up and just let the relationship whither and die. Not Dad. He kept coaching, only this time he stepped back and only subtly provided lessons that I could follow or not. He helped lay out the path back toward loving parent and loving child, but did it in such a way that it didn’t feel forced.

Which can only be a good thing further on down the line. And, so far, I’d have to say it is.

Good thing I’ve been paying attention all these years. He’s been a good coach in the full-contact sport of Dadding. I learned what to do and what not to do. Often at the very same time.

Thanks for the lessons, Dad.

You’ve been super.

Well, not this kind of super, but I think you get my meaning.

You’ll notice there was no actual serenade. Mostly that’s because I, apparently, still am having issues with the blogging platform. I tried to embed the fan-made video for R.E.M.’s song, I Am Superman, but it didn’t work.

So here’s a link to it. Go watch. Enjoy.

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Your Brain Is Still On Love

by Richard

The love drug is more than just a slang name for the already slangy Spanish Fly. (Dude, does that date me.) Love acts just like any other drug in that it can cause your brain chemistry to change, which, in turn, forces your emotions to change and alters your behavior.

The only difference is that you can’t get love in a pill. Yet.

So, we’re talking about love and all the stuff it can do to you. This conversation got started when I read a nice opinion piece by Diane Ackerman in the New York Times the other day. Some good stuff.

As imaging studies by the U.C.L.A. neuroscientist Naomi Eisenberger show, the same areas of the brain that register physical pain are active when someone feels socially rejected. That’s why being spurned by a lover hurts all over the body, but in no place you can point to. Or rather, you’d need to point to the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex in the brain, the front of a collar wrapped around the corpus callosum, the bundle of nerve fibers zinging messages between the hemispheres that register both rejection and physical assault.

Whether they speak Armenian or Mandarin, people around the world use the same images of physical pain to describe a broken heart, which they perceive as crushing and crippling. It’s not just a metaphor for an emotional punch. Social pain can trigger the same sort of distress as a stomachache or a broken bone.

And that’s just social anxiety. Imagine the feeling magnified many-fold when it’s rejection by the person you love. Of course, there’s also the reverse, in that the feeling of joy you experience when you’re loved and in love is something amazing and wonderful. It also can act as a painkiller.

James Coan, a neuroscientist at the University of Virginia, conducted experiments in 2006 in which he gave an electric shock to the ankles of women in happy, committed relationships. Tests registered their anxiety before, and pain level during, the shocks.

Then they were shocked again, this time holding their loving partner’s hand. The same level of electricity produced a significantly lower neural response throughout the brain. In troubled relationships, this protective effect didn’t occur. If you’re in a healthy relationship, holding your partner’s hand is enough to subdue your blood pressure, ease your response to stress, improve your health and soften physical pain. We alter one another’s physiology and neural functions.

To me, that’s the most amazing thing about love: that a simple emotion can actually make physical changes in our bodies. A feeling can change the mechanism by which the feeling itself is generated. That’s pretty cool stuff, dudes.

You know? Wait. I lied. That isn’t the most amazing thing. The most amazing thing is that I am in loved and am loved.


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