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Cull De Sac

Posted on January 28, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard

First off, yes, I know the title looks like it’s spelled wrong. It’s a pun, or a play on words. You’ll get it in a little bit. Seems there a bit of a kerfluffle around now about cul de sacs, streets that have one entrance and then end in the opposite side with a circle in which to turn around. According to an urban planning professor, they’re bad. Bad for kids, bad for parents, bad in general.

Blah, blah, blah. That’s from me. (notice how I take such reasoned discourse when someone espouses an opinion that’s different from my own? I am the epitome of polite debate, yeah?) Still, despite the withering nature of my own attack, I feel the professor has a bit more to say. Shall we?

. . . if you live on a typical cul de sac, there is probably no way for them to walk to anything fun — the movies, the mall. So either we are stuck chauffeuring them (that’s why cul de sacs are so hard on moms), or they have to drive themselves, sometimes for miles, even to get a Slurpee. And the least safe place for teens to be is behind the wheel of a car.

Now, think of the way cul de sac after cul de sac empties into one, big access road. Usually those roads are wide and highway-like. Cars speed down them so fast, woe to any weirdo who wanted to walk to the grocery. But of course, that’s usually a moot point, because in the newer developments, there aren’t any sidewalks anyway. Result?

Flab!

Flabby kids and parents. Unlike our grandparents, we have no way of walking anywhere. And by the way, walking used to be a great way to meet the neighbors, too. Now everyone’s sealed inside their house or a car (and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference).

Those are actually the thoughts of Lenore Skenazy, the lady to whose blog I linked. She’s paraphrasing the urban planning professor. Don’t you just love the complete and direct sourcing I give to you all? It’s impeccable.

But back to the problem at hand. And that problem is that they’re wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And I’m not just saying that because we live in a cul de sac. Although it helps. I’ve talked to a lot of our neighbors here about this and we all agree that these dudes and dudettes don’t know what they’re talking about. Our cul de sac lets out onto a smallish, but still busy street. Our little dudes get all the street-crossing problems they can handle, considering cars hardly ever actually stop at the stop sign.

Hop on a bike and they can ride along sidewalks to a small shopping center that has everything from a grocery store and a pizza joint to a hair cutting salon and a UPS store. I really think it’s the best of both worlds. We got a semi-isolated place for our little dudes to roam around in and we also get the ability to teach them about crossing streets and finding their own entertainment on a bike. That way they won’t get so fat there’ll be a natural-selection cull down the road. (See? There’s the pun. Not much, but it was all I had.)

I say, enjoy the cul de sacs for what they are. And, if you want to work on the little dudes and dudettes, just kick them out and lock the door for a while. They’ll get the hint.

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Dog Training

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard

Now that we have a dog, I’m able to do a little compare and contrast and I’ve come to a conclusion. To wit: It is much easier to train a dog than it is to train a little dude. Much, much easier.

In the probably less than five months that we’ve had our Labrador/pit bull mix, Buzz, we’ve been able to teach him not to poop on the floor, how to roll over, sit, not to beg at the table, how to tell which hand has the treat and how to choose that hand.

In the sixteen years we’ve had the little dudes, we’ve managed to teach them how not to poop on the floor. Most times.

Buzz has his own little area and he doesn’t mess in it.

I’m afraid to walk into the bedrooms of m three little dudes for fear the mess will have gained sentience and will attack just on general principles.

Buzz has his own bowl and will eat from it, making sure not to spill on the floor. If he does, he’ll clean it up. (With his tongue, but still the principle stands.)

After a meal with my little dudes, I’m tempted to rent the place out as a rest stop to a horde of migrating cockroaches moving south to escape the growing threat of the arctic boot heel.

Buzz actually likes to get in the shower. True story: we’ve got a shower without a door or curtain (on purpose, I assure you) and, whenever one of us is in the shower, Buzz will wander into the shower, get wet and happily start licking up the water on the ground.

Sometimes the funk surrounding the older little dudes, George of the Jungle and Zippy the Monkey Boy, is so fierce it’s almost a dose of concentrated evil. Eeeeeevvviiilllllll!

The point of all this. Not much. I’m just sitting here watching the dog lie quiet on the floor while Zippy chases Speed Racer around the kitchen and living room and dining room screaming something about death and dismemberment.

You know, there’s something to be said for a household of pets and no kids.

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Nap Time

Posted on December 17, 2009 at 12:01 am

by Richard

If there’s one thing I really, really miss about having a baby dude, it’s the ability to take naps and not feel guilty about it. See, when I was staying home to be the full-time dad for our youngest little dude, Speed Racer, I developed a system. At first I tried to use his nap times as a time for me to get things done. But I noticed that I was getting crankier and crankier as the weeks dragged on. I then found the key to lasting happiness as a stay-at-home dude. Whenever Speed Racer took a nap, I took a nap.

It didn’t always work, but, when it did, I was the happiest dude on the planet.

So what does this dredging up of memories almost 10 years old have to do with Christmas stress buster tip number four? Simple, really. If you want to avoid Christmas stress, you need to get as much sleep as possible. I’m completely serious about this.

Lack of sleep can make you tired and cranky and more prone to mistakes, both in the professional arena and the personal arena. It can also cause an increased production of cortisol, one of the body’s main stress hormones. When those levels rise, it doesn’t make doctors all smiley and happy.

Now, I’m not advocating a complete abrogation of your responsibilities so you can skeeve off to the supply closet and catch some winks. Nor am I saying to park your little dudes in front of the television while you close your eyes for a show or two (although, if pressed, I’d have to admit that I have done something similar once or twice.). However, if you do get the opportunity to get a nap, I think you ought to take it. You will feel better after a short half-hour nap.

No, what I’m talking about is getting more sleep at night. On the whole, adults in this country are getting less and less sleep than ever before. Most folks need the standard eight hours of sleep a night, but many of us only give ourselves six to seven. And, when it’s stress time, we often get less sleep than that. We put off sleep to finish wrapping the presents. We put off sleep to clean the house or wash the clothes.

Dude, get a grip. Wiping up all the dust on the dining room table isn’t worth losing sleep over (no pun intended). Get done what you can. Parcel out what you can. Delegate if possible. You all need your sleep.

Plus, when you’re asleep, you can dream of a world where you have enough time to get everything done. Then you can wake up and laugh and laugh.

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