Tag Archives: Good Guys

The Good Guys Always Wear Black. . . Underwear

The book’s release must be getting near* because here comes Barry yet again. This time, Barry has a thrilling story about why you should always wear black underwear. Although I’m not sure Barry’s really thought it through on this one. Still, let’s hear him out.

All right, dudes, let’s give it up for. . . Barry!

I am a dude of rather. . . substantial means. And by substantial I mean large. And by large I mean, well, large. In any number of ways. *wink* But the way I’m talking about is related to the pounds I’ve packed on since I purchased a really nice Brooks Brothers suit.

I put the suit on and, while the fit was a little off, I looked even more awesome than normal so I decided to go with it. Which, looking back, might have been a mistake.

One thing I know was a mistake was going out to eat dinner with some friends and eating a cheeseburger. I knew I was living dangerously, living life on the edge, as it were, but I didn’t care. See, I have lactose intolerance.

For those of you dudes lucky enough know to know what that is, I’ll make it relatively simple. I can’t eat dairy (drink milk, eat cheese, or ice cream or anything made from milk). That is, I can, but there’s some severe intestinal problems should I do it. And by intestinal problems, I mean, um, well, let’s just say you can smell the problems and you’d understand.

So, there I was: post-cheeseburger, dressed in a nice, but slightly tight suit and I was getting into the car to drive to work. It was at that time that my lactose intolerance acted up and I had to let it, ah. . . express itself? Yes, express itself. That’s what it did. It was rather loud and I found myself grateful that there was no one else in the car or withint a ten-foot radius.

Feeling slightly better, I headed off to work. I had like five meetings that day; in and out, up and down, before the cheeseburger began to demand that it wanted out. And it wanted out NOW.

Once comfortably ensconced on the porcelain throne, I relaxed and sort of glanced down toward my feet. Unfortunately, what I saw was the floor of the bathroom. Nothing exceptional, until I realized I was looking at the floor through my pants.

What I had thought was just a fart was, in fact, me ripping the nethers out of my pants. There was a hole so big that. . .

pants photo

You know what?

I’m not even going to describe it.

Here, take a look. This is the hole in the back of my pants that I walked around wearing all that day. Yes, really. This pair of pants. Isn’t it lovely?

That one, right there. See the white in the middle of the pants? Yeah, that’s the bedsheet you can see through the whole hole.

And I never once noticed until it was far, far too late.

My point here is to serve as a bit of a warning for all you dudes with your little dudes and suchlike, to make sure your suits fit? No. Um, not eat cheeseburgers if you’re lactose intolerant. Okay, good tip, but not the one.

Oh, wait. I’ve got it: always try and match the color of your underwear to the color of your pants. That way, if anything. . . untoward happens, at least you’ve got some sort of camouflage. Or something like that, anyway.

*it is. Our book, Dude’s Guide to Babies, has a new publication date: It’s March 22. Mark it on your calendars now.

Share on Facebook

Dude Review: Thor

by Richard

I’m not here to damn with faint praise when I say that Thor is the best super-hero movie to come down the pike since Christian Bale growled his way through The Dark Knight.

This is a seriously wonderful movie for both the younger dudes and dudettes and the older versions of said folks. It’s fun, funny and, at times, rather touching. Plus, being a super-hero extravaganza there’s lots of stuff blowing up and cool fights and perfectly wrought emotional angst. And, of course, the good guys win. You can’t ask for more.

Starring Chris Hemsworth as Thor and Tom Hiddleston as Thor’s brother Loki, the movie opens with an astonishing sequence showing how the Norse gods defended humanity from the horrible Frost Giants, who’s very touch can freeze man or god. It’s a great scene and really sets the stage for the grandeur that is Asgard, home of the Norse gods.

Hemsworth plays Thor as someone who really enjoys being Thor. He’s good and he knows it. He’s also a bit self-righteous, cocky and arrogant. But he’s cool with that and makes you feel the same way. He’s also got a very big hammer.

With some subtle prodding from devious Loki, Thor recruits the Warriors Three and the Lady Sif to travel to the land of the Frost Giants for a little hammer-to-head negotiations. Things do not go well as Thor and friends end up breaking a fragile peace, which could lead to war.

Thor’s dad, the All-Father Odin, is not pleased. He removes Thor’s godly power and hammer and then throws them both to Midgard, also known as Earth. It’s on earth that Thor meets up with Jane Foster, an astrophysicist, who decides that Thor could only have arrived traveling through an Einstein-Rosen Bridge (also known as a wormhole or, to the Asgardians, the Rainbow Bridge). Stuff happens.

Things get blown up. Plots are hatched. And the Avengers movie franchise is set up. (Speaking of which, there is a short scene that occurs after the credits, so you’ll want to stay and see it.)

Overall, director Kenneth Branagh puts together a capable cast, a good script and some fantastic special effects to make a good movie, not just a good super-hero movie.

This one gets 4.5 dudes out of five. It’s a great movie and, if you haven’t already seen it, you should probably rush out and do so now. You won’t regret it.

Share on Facebook