Tag Archives: Goo

What Am I Thinking Now?

Men are not morons. Women are not ineffable*.

Yet every single day, we’re all of us in America and — possibly — elsewhere bombarded with cliché after cliché that says otherwise. We hear that men can’t think their way out of a wet paper bag. We hear that women will forever be unknowable to a dude, that he will never actually understand why she does what she does.

It’s demonstrably not true and, yet, we let this prevarication continue ad infinitum.

Why? Why do we allow this? I think it’s because we’ve all run into someone who won’t bust the cliché. Some dude who really is a moron. Some woman who really does operate on a plane above the rest of us. Then we shrug and tell ourselves that the old cliché must be true and here’s the proof.

Really, though, I think those instances are not proof of the majority, but instances of a rarity.

The confusion and condescension occur not because of what we are, but what we say.

The problem is that we dudes won’t talk openly to you dudettes. And you dudettes won’t talk openly about your motivations to we men.

We all are expected to be mind readers. The problem is that telepathy doesn’t actually exist. We can’t read minds.

If men would explain that they, for instance, forgot their anniversary not because they were a moron, but because they were worried about whether they would miss out on the good office chairs and what that meant for their careers. They’d still be in trouble, mind you, but not because they were idiots.

The first woman who steps up and explains exactly why it’s important to her that when she goes to pick out furniture, she not only wants the man in her life to accompany her, but she wants him to want to go as well and if he doesn’t. . . Well, it’s going to be a long day. Explain that thinking and you’d be a national hero to at least slightly less than half the population of this country.

And, dudes, believe it or not, it’s even worse on the romance front.

Zig when she wants you to zag and you’re a moron. She’s angry because you just don’t understand her.

Again, it’s all down to communication. Actually talk out loud and tell your partner what you really want. Don’t hint. Don’t expect him or her to know it and be angry if she/he doesn’t? It can be as simple as that: Ask for what you want. You might not get it, but it’s better to understand desire and taste, than it is to wonder what went wrong.

Open lines of communication allow significant others to actually see what the other person wants, try to fit it in with what they want, and see if there is any way that the two (or however many) of you can get at least part of what you want.

Step out of the stereotype. Talk to each other and you’ll be amazed how good life can be.

Or you’ll find out you can’t stand one another, but then you at least you know it’s time to move on and start over, and that can’t be a bad thing.


*look it up.

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The Dreaded Date Of Doom Is Upon Us!

by Richard

It’s a date we’ve always feared, even while we always knew it would arrive.

Welcome to June 13, 2012. Welcome to the 13th birthday of Hyper Lad. Welcome to having three teenaged dudes in the same family, at the same time, under the same roof.

Welcome to hell.

All right, that’s probably a bit of an exaggeration. Hard to believe, I know. I mean, if I’m not known for anything, it’s not staying away from exaggeration. Or being direct. Or something.


Even though this will be Hyper Lad’s entry into teenage dude-dom, it’s not like we’ve not had experience with it. With his two older brothers, Zippy the Monkey Boy and Sarcasmo, being around, Hyper Lad has thought he was five years older than he really was since he was 10 or so. So he’s been acting like a teenager for a while.

Of course, now he’ll be acting like a teenager, but with the added benefit of having that witch’s brew of toxic hormones and emotions running riot inside his tiny, underdeveloped brain. Just like every other teenager.

We’re not that worried, though.

Hyper Lad really is a good kid. Not only is he smart and definitely takes after his mother’s side of the family when it comes to looks, but he’s also the most sociable of the young Jones dudes.

While Zippy the Monkey Boy and Sarcasmo struggled through middle school, Hyper Lad is skating through with a smile on his face and many phone numbers belonging to girls on his phone’s contact list. He’s enjoying the heck out of middle school and that, dudes, requires an amazing amount of grace and social skill.

He’s also darn funny.

Beyond the goofing around and being silly that is the hallmark of every young teen and tween, he says the most amazingly astute and hilarious things. I won’t push those on you because, unlike most parents, I know with funny kid sayings, you really did have to be there. Context matters. And in the context of our house, that young dude is hilarious.

Hyper Lad, in addition to all those good points, is just a good kid. When he reads about something bad happening in the newspaper (he reads the newspaper! Wow! [Okay, mostly for the comics, but it still counts.]), he actually thinks about it and offers a sympathetic comment and evinces a desire to help.

I’m a lucky dad in this one important way, Hyper Lad is just plain nice to be around. That’s pretty good news, considering he’ll still be around for the next five years.

Of course, all that could change with the flick of a hormone receptor, turning Hyper Lad into Screaming Rage Man. Still, on this sort of day, I think we’ll come down on the optimistic side and expect the best.

Happy birthday, Hyper Lad!

Here’s hoping we let you make it to the next one.

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A Couple For The Young Dudes

by Richard

As you’re no doubt aware, I’m not just a blogger. I also like to write (even more obvious) fiction in my spare time and one of my favorite kinds of fiction is stories designed to entertain/scare/delight/not reduce to bored tears young dudes and dudettes.

Also? I like to make money by selling stories.

With that in mind, I have combined those two passions and put a couple of stories up for sale on Amazon.com that are expressly designed for the young dude and dudette, but can be read and enjoyed by folks of any age.

One story, The Mismatched Monster, even won a best-of award when it was originally published. No, seriously.

Anyway, here’s a little of the 4-1-1 on each of the stories. You can read them if you’ve got a Kindle or if you have the kindle software installed on any of your electronic devices. You can get the kindle software here.

The Mismatched Monster is the story of Jack Sparks, a 13-year-old boy who has what might be the best or worst job ever. He’s been hired by a secret race of shapeshifters named the Farmynth to help one of their members, Harold, find his final shape. See, the Farmnyth have 274 approved shapes. If Jack can’t help Harold find his shape, Harold will devolve into a puddle of goo. And Harold’s already failed at 273 previous attempts. No pressure. And, to top it off, Jack’s being hunted by a Farmynth named Mr. Shivers, who’s got some homicidal tendencies he’d like to discuss. This fun, funny all-ages story is filled with humor, action and adventure, and actually has a subtle lesson tucked in there at the end.

A Bad Knight For Dragons opens with the immortal line: The knight probably would have been a lot more impressive if he hadn’t been riding one of those dumb little wiener dogs. Ben is a young teenager with a secret: He and his friend Keali (who’s from Hawaii) found a dragon in their backyard and they’re nursing it back to health. The dragon, though, is being hunted by a group of two-foot-tall knights with magic and mayhem on their side. All Ben and Keali have is a couple of slingshots, lots of Vanilla Coke and each other. Not much of a contest then. This is another all-ages story filled with the kind of humor that will make young dudes and dudettes snort milk out their noses. Get the napkins handy. Or keep them away from milk while they’re reading. Whichever.

There you have it. Go read and enjoy. Please?

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