Tag Archives: Girlfriend

Do You Remember This?

Memory is a fickle thing.

You might remember the phone number of your girlfriend from high school, but not be able to remember the phone number you just looked up on the computer and have forgotten it by the time you get your cellphone out of your pocket.

You might remember that horrifying time you accidentally ordered sheep’s brains in a French restaurant three decades ago, but not remember what you had for breakfast this morning.

Students, of course, have the most contact with the fickle side of memory. I’m sure every single kid has studied their butts off the night before a test and gone to sleep confident they know everything there is to know about the subject. However, when they sit down in class to actually take the test, the answers remain frustratingly out of reach.

I wish I’d remembered to take that sort of thing into account when my young dudes were, in fact, young. I would have saved a lot of money I spent at Walt Disney World, I’ll tell you that.

Latest research talks about childhood amnesia or infantile amnesia, which means we remember nothing before we’re about 2 years old. The more sporadic holdover takes us up until about age 10 and, from those years, we retain fewer memories than we should, based merely on the passage of time.

And, yet, still we took the young dudes to Walt Disney World because we wanted them to have great memories of the place from when they were younger. We knew about childhood amnesia, but thought we’d be different.

Which explains why I was in Walt Disney World last December, accompanied by Hyper Lad and his mom, my wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Hankering For More Mickey. See, we talked with Hyper Lad and he said he had never been to Disney World before. We begged to differ. He stood firm and we realized he just didn’t remember it.

Which led to me asking his older brothers and I found they didn’t really remember any of their trips with a great deal of clarity, only bits and bursts. Hyper Lad, though? Nothing.

At least, that’s what we thought until we got there.

We were walking through one of Disney’s resorts on our way to a dinner when Hyper Lad had a flash of memory. He stopped still and pointed to the window sill on a room we were walking by.

“That,” he said. “I remember that. We stayed here.”

No, actually, we hadn’t. We had, however, stayed at a hotel where our room was right next to the pool and there had been a windowsill like that outside of our room. He remembered something, but it required some visual and tactile reminders to trigger it.

You might want to keep that in mind the next time you’re considering an expensive vacation with a young dude or dudette. Or even a massively expensive birthday party for one of your spawn.

Which reminds me. . .  Let’s talk more about this on Wednesday, yeah?

Share on Facebook

I (Heart) You, Babe

St. Valentine’s Day come round again, bringing with it the pure joy and sense of togetherness that is love.

It surely wouldn’t bring with it feelings of inadequacy, panic, anger, frustration, sexual frustration, crumpling under pressure, performance anxiety, fervent desire to be somewhere — anywhere — else. Surely.

Ha, don’t call it Shirley.

I’m not sure if it’s a difference between dudes and dudettes, but the men I know really have no special affection for Valentine’s Day. To us, it’s just a day where we used to get candy in school and (at least for me) that inadequate feeling when the only Valentines in your bag were the ones that got given out to everyone in the classroom.

Even when I ostensibly grew up, I never saw all that much reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I probably got it from my AlohaDoc, aka my dad.

I can’t remember how many times he told me the story of how, when he was a young dude himself, he used to break up with whoever his girlfriend was at the time right around the first of February. That way he didn’t have to go out and purchase a gift.

Women, on the other candy assortment, seem to love Valentine’s Day. I found this out during the first Valentine’s Day I spent with the lady who would become my wife, known to me then as She Who Must Be Having More Fun Than Anyone I’ve Ever Met Before.

We were about to swap presents when she said, “I love Valentine’s Day. It’s always been so special to me.”

At which point my heart crumbled to dust, sifted out my body and landed in a small, dry pile on the linoleum of her dad’s kitchen floor. Because, being an idiot, I’d managed to get her something remarkably unspecial. Heck, it was so unspecial, I can’t even remember what it was.

What I do remember is the look on her face, the sadness trying to hide behind a really bad poker face. I’ve learned since then. Valentine’s Day is a big deal.

Me? Still not so much. The way I see it, I would rather receive spontaneous recognition of someone’s love for me during the year than have one day where that display is mandated. I mean, is it really special when you’ve got to do it?

I’m not so sure about that.

Anyway, I don’t want to come off sounding all cynical and anti-love. I’m not. Well, not anti-love. I can’t help being cynical. I mean, after all, my eyes and ears do work and I pay attention to the world. How could I not be cynical?

But not cynical about love. Love is amazing. Love. Love will keep us together. It’s just Valentine’s Day I have a problem with.

That said, I still went out and got some very nice presents to hand over to my Sweetie. I’m not telling because she’ll probably read this before I have a chance to give them to her.

The hug’s going to be nice. As for anything else. . .

See you later, dudes.

Share on Facebook

There’s Being Seduced By The Shiny, And Then There’s This

by Richard

I am easily seduced by the shiny and the new. If something flashy and technological comes out, I have to restrain myself from immediately jumping into the fray and snagging one of those beautiful, new and shiny things.

I admit it. I’m a technological neophile.

I am not, however, one of these dudes.

The iPad is great, and according to 10% of men, the iPad is better than sex.

A new poll conducted by RoxyPalace.com revealed that 1 in 10 men would rather have a new iPad than hook up with a new sexy girlfriend who can please them in ways no retina display ever could.

Okay, admittedly, this poll was taken in the United Kingdom and they’re a little . . . different over there, but, seriously? They’d rather have an iPad than be *ahem* with *ahem* a woman?

That’s just not right. Of course, if it’s the same 10 percent that self-identifies as homosexual, then that could explain a few things, but I have a feeling it’s not that neat.

There are always those oddball dudes who enjoy the security of their mamma’s basement more than interacting with real humans. Sadly, most of those guys aren’t even using their iPad to its fullest chick-pulling potential, as only 44% of the men surveyed said they had used an app to help resolve a relationship problem.

Which doesn’t even begin to bring the dudettes into the equation. With 10 percent of the dudes saying they’d rather have an iPad, you’d think the women would be at or greater than that. But, of course, you’d be wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

96 percent said they’d prefer to get a new man in their life rather than waste their money on the new iPad.

There’s also some good news in the poll. It turns out that 71 percent of the respondents would rather use the FaceTime video chatting app to talk with prospective dates before actually meeting them in person. It’s not actual human interaction, but it is a step in the right direction. And it can avoid a lot of those quick, furtive looks of crushing disappointment upon first seeing the mystery date.

So. To recap. I’m not one of those dudes. But they are out there. And they outnumber the women like that.

And iPads are all shiny and new and I want one. But not enough to pass up a night with my lovely wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Pleased.

Share on Facebook