Tag Archives: Genius

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Life’s too short to be depressing all the time, dudes.

With that in mind, let’s talk some astonishingly odd science instead of contemplating the onrushing death awaiting every dude at the end of his life. There, I went and got all depressing again. Sorry.


Back to science. Every year, we hear about the Nobel Prizes, which honor the most groundbreaking, amazing scientific achievements that come to the attention of the Nobel committee. These are the ones we hear about: quantum reality abnegation, new theories for rational prediction of stock market action, finding a way to avert a way. You know, the usual.

But I’m almost certain you dudes didn’t know there is a sister/brother/ugly cousin award to the Nobel Prize. It’s called the Ig Nobel Prize and it honors the year’s strangest–but also very good!–scientific research, in 10 different categories. Past recipients have honored research on remote-controlled whale snot harvesting and why you don’t spill your coffee. Thanks to Popular Science for the write up since my comp ticket to the event must have become lost in the mail.

The Psychology Prize was given for confirming, by experimentation, that people who are drunk believe themselves to be better looking than they, in reality, are. The folks behind this also should receive a special award for best use of a bad pun in a scientific paper.

“‘Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beer Holder’: People Who Think They Are Drunk Also Think They Are Attractive,” Laurent Bègue, Brad J. Bushman, Oulmann Zerhouni, Baptiste Subra, Medhi Ourabah, British Journal of Psychology, epub May 15, 2012.

Eye of the beer holder, get it? Beer holder. Beholder. Yeah. It’s just that bad.

The Physics Prize went to a study that determined that a person could run across the surface of a lake unassisted. If, and I believe this to be an important caveat, that person and that lake both were situated on the moon. I’m guessing some hypothetical atmosphere and a heating element would be involved.

Humans Running in Place on Water at Simulated Reduced Gravity,” Alberto E. Minetti, Yuri P. Ivanenko, Germana Cappellini, Nadia Dominici, Francesco Lacquaniti, PLoS ONE, vol. 7, no. 7, 2012, e37300.

So, that’s the sort of good scientific work, albeit a bit on the esoteric side, that gets honored at the Ig Noble Prizes. However, to my mind, the best part of the entire event is the description that precedes each of the prizes. These are works of genius.

Take, for instance, the Peace Prize: (To the president of Belarus) For: “making it illegal to applaud in public, AND to the Belarus State Police, for arresting a one-armed man for applauding.”

The Probability Prize brings back memories of far too late-night idiocapades in college: For: “making two related discoveries: First, that the longer a cow has been lying down, the more likely that cow will soon stand up; and Second, that once a cow stands up, you cannot easily predict how soon that cow will lie down again.”

To my mind, however, the capstone of the Ig Nobel awards and the description that might make it into the all-time list of best descriptions, comes out of the Archeology Prize. Which was given for, well, I can’t do this justice. I think I’ll let the organizers tell you what it was given For: “parboiling a dead shrew, and then swallowing the shrew without chewing, and then carefully examining everything excreted during subsequent days — all so they could see which bones would dissolve inside the human digestive system, and which bones would not.”

Dudes and dudettes, I give you science!

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Sunday Shriek: Quiet Riot Of The Living Dead

Sometimes, dudes. . . Sometimes there’s a person who has a stroke of genius and then shares it with the rest of us.

Come with me now, way, way back. Back to the dim, fondly remembered days of the 1980s. When men wore parachute pants and women thought shoulder pads and poofy hair made them look good.

And a seminal production of American cinema graced the local multiplex: The Return of the Living Dead. An astonishing horror comedy, with wonderfully bad practical special effects and a bit of an homage to the Romero Living Dead movies. It also introduced “bbbrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnsssss” to the lexicon.

Good stuff.

Go see if it you ever get the chance.

Or you can just watch below.

Where some wonderfully great dude put part of the movie together with the music from Quiet Riot, the one-hit wonder song that defined a year, Cum On Feel The Noize. We couldn’t spell in the ’80s either, apparently.

Anyway, take a look


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Marketing Plan*

Okay, dudes, so here’s the deal.

Our book, A Dude’s Guide to Babies, is out and selling relatively well on Amazon.com. That’s good. (Go write a review!) What you might not know is that the book also is available in your local bookstores.

If it’s not, then you should definitely go talk to the manager and ask for a copy of the book. Even if you don’t want to buy it, say you do and have them order it. We’re sure someone will buy that puppy.

Anyway, because I am a complete nervous wreck, dying for every little bit of confidence and approval that I can force to come my way, I was in the local Barnes & Noble book store on Monday. Just to see if the book was on the shelves.

This is what I saw.IMG_2039

So, aw heck yeah! That was a nice little rush when I saw that.

But, I thought, it seems almost as if it’s fading into the background there. I mean, people will actually have to know it’s there and will need to search for the thing, even when they know in what general area it resides.

That just won’t do.

I mean, there was an entire section just a couple of shelves away to the left that was dedicated to Family & Childcare. It had several new books, and even a few about being a dad. Only there wasn’t anything there about being a dude. That needed to be rectified at once.



And so I made a few moves here and there. Moved a few things over to the side and such.

You know, as you do. And, very shortly, that display was looking just as good as it should, with A Dude’s Guide to Babies sitting front and center in the right place, for everyone to see as they’re moving past.

I mean, that’s a pretty darn nice cover, y’know?

Here’s where I would, if I were in any way sincere about this little bit, ask you to do your part and go out there to the bookstores all across America and start turning these books so they face out into the aisle.

* However, let me make this perfectly clear, I am NOT asking you to do this. It’s just a joke. A JOKE, DUDES! I’m just kidding. I really, really am kidding. 

I’ve been told by a trusted authority that seriously suggesting something like this could be a very bad move on my part. Something about book ninjas and vendetta and stuff like that. Not really sure what he was talking about, but, he seemed sincere so I’m going to go with him.

It was only a joke, folks. Only a joke.


This blog post will self-destruct if you should be caught by law-enforcement or store security. Which you shouldn’t since I clearly stated that it was only a joke and you should not do this. Besides, I’ve never heard of you. In fact, why are you reading this? Who are you, crazy person?

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