Tag Archives: Freak

They Look Just Like Little Ants

Heights don’t scare me.

That being said, I just about barfed up every meal I ever even contemplated the very idea of possibly maybe eating at some distant, yet undefined time, in the future when I took a good, long look at a lot of these pictures.

Hanging from a cliff face and camping there? Nuts to that, dudes.
Gordon Wiltsie/National Geographic / Getty Images

Heights don’t scare me, but dude. . . These people are crazy! And I mean that in the most sincerely cracked-in-the-head run-away-screaming-for-your-own-good nicest way.

I mean, seriously. Look at that picture. Those dudes are hanging from the sheer face of a cliff hundreds of feet in the air and they’ve decided — not to do the smart thing and get off the cliff as soon as humanly possible without giving into sudden gravatic-assisted acceleration and deceleration — to drive a couple of pitons into the rock face and hang a couple of tents from these slim ropes and CAMP THERE!

I don’t think I’m giving in to hyperbolic hyperventilation when I tell you I had a hard time just lo0king at this photograph, much less contemplating actually spending time in one of them.

No freakin’ way, dudes!

This photo and the several others you can find on the article posted at the BoredDaddy.com website were gathered together under the heading of photos that will make your stomach drop. Although, looking at them, I get the feeling you’d count yourself lucky if your stomach was the only thing what dropped.

They're so suicidal they have to create a flimsy ledge and then sleep there? People, just get a gun. It's quicker.
Corey Rich / Getty Images

The thing about it is this: As bad as that picture is, and it’s pretty freakin’ bad, there are other photos that are even worse.

Take, for example, this lovely little photographic composition right here. Well, left here since it’s on the left, but I think you get what I’m talking about.

This is called portaledge camping and it was shot in Yosemite National Park. If you can take your horrified eyes off this appalling visage for a minute, I’d like you to think about the word with which these crazypeople have named their pastime.

They call it portaledge camping. Break it down. Porta and ledge. As in portapotty. As in portajohn. (Do you think I might be hitting a bit of a trend with the analogies?) That’s right, porta as in portable. Ledge as in what isn’t there.

It implies impermanence and a transitory nature.

Which is exactly the opposite of what you want when you’re using it to keep yourself from falling several hundred yards, ending in a quite sudden stop (except for the possible dead man bounce) on the very hard ground below.

And then they decide to SLEEP on it! With NOTHING to keep themselves from rolling off it!!!!!!!!

Need I remind you dudes and dudettes that these folks (who, along with Sheldon, seriously need an appalling amount of further testing to determine the veracity of sanity claims) are choosing to do this sort of thing?

Okay, sure. There are a couple of pictures in the photostory on BoredDaddy.com that look like fun (sleeping in tree tents in Germany, for instance), the vast majority of the pictures are enough to cause severe upward creep in the cold or scared detectors below waist level.

Still, it’s probably something you should go check out. Even if only to make you happy in the thought that these people probably won’t live long enough to breed the stupid more deeply into the gene pool.

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Serendipitous Shopping

So here’s the deal: It seems whenever I go shopping, or park in a big lot, I’m always next to someone either leaving at the same time, arriving at the same time or heading in when I’m headed out. That sort of thing. And I mean always.

Seriously, it’s getting a bit creepy.

I first noticed this  couple of months ago. In the huge Walmart parking lot, I walked over to my car, only to be blocked from getting in because the older, obese gentlemen getting into the driver’s seat of his backwards-parked car was blocking my way in. Annoying, but no big deal.

Then, I moved to the Harris Teeter parking lot. I pulled into an empty space that was right next to another empty space. In the time it took me to turn off the car and unbuckle the seat belt, another car had pulled into the space next to me. Again, blocking me from easy access to and, this time, from my car because the passenger next to me apparently had forgotten how to stand.

Once that locked into my brain, I found it happened all the time. I’m not kidding.

I’m getting a little freaked out by the whole thing.

There’s a huge parking lot, maybe a hundred cars and, yet, the only person in the lot at the same time as me is the person walking to the car right next to mine.

Is this some part of an Odyssey effect? (So named because I’d never noticed any Odysseys on the road until I purchased one of the mini vans, then I saw them everywhere) (Remember: Mini vans are cool! Tell people.) That is, now that I’ve noticed it, I’m seeking out instances of that and remembering it, conveniently forgetting those instances when it’s not the case?

Or is it, and this is my preferred explanation, because I’m special?

Or maybe it can be explained by simple mathematics (Hah! As if there is such a thing. [There’s not.]). Something along the lines of people arriving at the same time, possibly having the same average duration inside the stores and, therefore, leaving at around the same time? I don’t know, but that’s an appalling level of coincidence at work for that explanation. Not sure if I buy that.

Has this happened to any of you dudes? Am I the only one who finds himself accompanied by the only other person in the parking lot when I’m at my car? Tell me I’m not alone.

I’ll be waiting in comments for you.

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Learning While Loafing

So I just got back from a weak-ish vacation on the blessed peninsula of Florida. We stayed with most of my dad’s side of the family as we do every year during the summer.

And it seems like almost every year we have some sort of commotion and/or problem.

Except, oddly, for the last couple of years.

I think it’s because of the little dudes and dudettes. Out of a group of almost 30 people, both adults and younger, our youngest member now is 7 years old, and she just married into the group. Well, her dad just married into the group, but we got lucky enough to have her come and join him.

Anyway. I thought about this a lot. And I think I’ve come to the conclusion.

With the young dudes and dudettes no longer infants, toddlers or whatnot, the parents have become much more relaxed. We don’t have to be in charge of everything during every single instant that the kids are around. We don’t have to plan something to do all day. We can — in short — relax a bit.

And that’s made all the difference. When parents aren’t always on the hook, we’re not always stressed and, when we’re not stressed, we don’t unintentionally take things the wrong way. We’re not spoiling for a fight, whether we know it or not.

It makes for a much smoother vacation week.

Which brings me to the point of this. That point being, parents of young dudes are stressed out. The continual nature of the care we must give the kids, the fact that we’re always on, that can make life tough for a parent. You might almost say it’s tough out there for a pim– er, parent.

A stressed-out parent isn’t any good for anyone, really. Not good for the kids. Not good for the spouse/significant other/random stranger who gets too close to said parent. And certainly not good for that parent. Stress is a bad thing for your health, dudes.

So, do what Frankie says. Just relax.

Find a way to switch off for a bit. If it involves taking a nap when the little dudette is napping, then take a nap. If it involves getting a babysitter to take the kid for a bit, then do it. If it involves you putting the other parent in charge and simply going into your bedroom and closing the door, locking said door and finally getting some quiet time all your own. . . then do it.

There’s a saying, or used to be a saying, in medicine. In an emergency, the first pulse you take is your own. That is, when things go wrong, the first thing you have to do is make sure you’re seeing things with a clear head and not freaking out.

That pretty much applies to parenting.

If you don’t care for you, who will?

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