Tag Archives: Fools

Sunday Self-Promotion: Charlotte Parent

We’ve got a second home!

That’s right, dudes and dudettes, Barry and Richard are opening up a second home here on the internet. By which I mean that we’re not actually going anywhere, nor are we suddenly rich or anything. There’s just another place where we get to put a picture of us up an not have people wonder where in the most wanted list we’re numbered.

You might remember that we’re going to have a column in Charlotte Parent magazine every month. Well, things have changed a bit. We’re going to be in the print version of the magazine, which comes out near the end of each month, on the even months (February, April, June, August, October, December) and we’re going to have a new column on the website at least once a month on the even months.

I say at least because the fools wonderful folks at Charlotte Parent have given us the keys to the kingdom. Or at least the password to upload something to the website.

If you think we’re going to let that go by without abusing using it. . . Well, you haven’t been paying attention.

Not that we blame you, of course. We haven’t really been paying attention all that much ourselves.

In fact, we. . . we. . . Hnh.

Never mind.

Even though we’re going to be printed in the even months, we’re also going to have that column get posted on the website as well. So, if you’re ever worried about not getting enough of us here at the Dude’s Guide, don’t fret.

Although, maybe you should fret. Or see a doctor, maybe. I mean, you don’t get enough of us? There might be something wrong with you. And by might I mean there definitely is.

Moving on.

If you’re in the mood for a little fresh Dude content, you can find us on the Charlotte Parent website in the section on Charlotte Parent Blogs. We’re the Stay-At-Home Dudes column.

Come on by and leave a note. You’ll be glad you did.

Well, you’ll be glad you did that as opposed to, oh, I don’t know, maybe hitting your thumb with a hammer. Yeah, definitely more glad than doing that.

The Dude’s Guide: Better than hitting your thumb with a hammer.

I’m thinking of getting that embroidered on a mug or something.

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Freaky Friday: Beer!

by Richard

As long as there’s been humanity (well, almost as long and, when we’re talking about this subject, almost is pretty good), there’s been beer. Not that you dudes would probably recognize it as such, but it’s beer all the same. It turns out that beer, aside from its obvious benefits of making you taller, more good looking, smarter and funnier, has some significant health benefits.

A new study published in the American Philosophical Rectitude Informal Library’s latest edition of Federal Octogenarian Obfuscation Legends found that drinking beer can actually extend your life.

“We were as surprised as anyone,” said study leader Dr. Wilbur H. Ogilvy. “Our results seemed so counterintuitive, we actually performed the study several times. Just to be sure.”

Ogilvy said the study consisted of finding 750 young men and dividing the group into two, allowing one to consume beer as often as they wanted over a period of several days while in a congenial environment. The control group, those who were not given any beer to consume, were kept in a small room. The only view out of that room was into the lush surroundings of the experimental group, who were consuming the beer.

“Over the course of the weekend, the control group experienced several significant fatalities,” Ogilvy said. “Most notably when one member of the group became so incensed that he could not join the experimental group that he began hitting his fellow control-group members over the head with a broken chair.

“Normally, we would have stepped in and given medical aid, but that might have compromised the experiment. Also, we didn’t really notice for a while, considering most of our researchers had — somehow — found themselves as members of the experimental group. They were really busy. That beer wasn’t going to drink itself, you know. So get off my back, dude. Just, you know, get off my back.”

While the experimental group did see a statistically significant rise in certain subtle side effects (explosive reverse peristalsis, persistant vertigo, an uncontrollable desire to sing “Lynnard Skynnard” songs and a raging desire for pizza), Ogilvy said it was nothing that was really worth talking about.

So, good news, dudes. Sounds like a good excuse to go out and get a couple of cold ones. There’s scientific evidence that it’s good for you. And that’s real.

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The Fools! They Said I Couldn’t Do It! The Fools!

by Richard

The first day of April used to be one of my favorite days of the year. These days, eh, not so much. When I was younger, I loved pulling typical juvenile April Fools’ pranks. You know: “What’s on your shirt?” :looks down: ;boinks nose; Real sophisticated humor.

As I got older, though, I realized that basically April Fools’ Day is for amateurs.

That is, I spend every one of my waking hours* making stuff up and telling it to other people. Which is, sort of by definition, the basics of an April Fools’ prank.

I mean, just yesterday I conjured up a fight with a recalcitrant dairy section employee at our local grocery store that involved the use of the deadly hands of milk fu, astounding agility and a triumphant, um, triumph over overwhelming odds. And that was just to pick up some cheese sticks. You should hear the stories about doing something harder. Like explaining why I spent all day writing on the computer instead of getting done the work that should have been done around the house.

Now, while I happen to think I’ve gotten pretty good at that sort of stuff, I’m beginning to think I might be taking it overboard. For instance, the little dudes and my wife, known to me as She Who Must Not Like A Good Story, start demanding the truth whenever I open my mouth. Even if I was just going to yawn. They are — to put it mildly — more than a little suspicious of anything I say that might be construed as just slightly out of the ordinary.

All of which makes it much, much harder to prank them during April Fools’ Day. I mean, if you’ve been making stuff up (all in a good cause, I hasten to assure you) for most of the rest of the year, who’s gonna believe you on a day known for pranking? Not my family, I’ll tell you.

Sadly, I’ve started going outside the family to get my prankicks. Just going around to random little-ish dudes and dudettes and telling them to be careful walking near storm drains because the mole men have been known to be very active this time of year. That, too, is probably going to stop.

Sadly, restraining orders are far to easy to get.

Anyway, if you’re in the mood to read a bit about some great April Fools’ pranks, you could do worse than visiting here.

*possibly an exaggeration

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