Welcome back to the real world, dudes. Hope you’re enjoying the first day back at work. It’s always fun to try and return to work the day after a national holiday, especially one that virtually requires you to keep drinking for most of the day.
I’m going to assume you’ve all made it back well, or at least as well as can be and will be back to fit in time.
Just in time to be astonished at how stupid our fellow countrymen and countrywomen really are.
In an attempt to bring clarity to one of the great scientific debates of our time—of any time—the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has taken a strong stand on the existence of mermaids.
“No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found,” the federal agency declares in a statement on its website.
Yes, that’s right. A department of the United States government felt it necessary to issue a statement that mermaids don’t actually exist because it had been getting so many calls asking about the veracity of a report that says they have been found.
What report, you ask? Why, the fictional television show broadcast on Animal Planet channel. In the vein of those alien autopsy shows, only even less convincing, the show actually fooled enough people who apparently can’t read or hear when someone issues a disclaimer that something is ficitonal.
The special, called “Mermaids: The Body Found,” threw together “evidence” such as cave drawings, injuries to beached whales, and mysterious deep-ocean bloops to paint what it calls “a wildly convincing picture of mermaids, what they may look like, and why they’ve stayed hidden… until now.”
To quote that sage and warrior, K: “A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.”
Put a silly television show in front of enough people and you’ll get people who actually believe it.
Share on Facebook