Tag Archives: February

I Cannot Tell A Lie*

Kids lie. A lot. About anything. About everything.

And we’re only now just catching on to it.

It used to be a truism in legal circles that when you put a kid on the stand, you were getting the truth as the kid saw it because kids don’t lie.

Which, ha, no. Not true. Apparently no lawyers ever interacted with kids all that much. Or no parents ever became lawyers, mostly because they already had to deal with an annoying individual who constantly split hairs on meaning and radically, deliberately misinterpreted the most obvious of instructions. Also known as a little dude.

And, it turns out, kids with Attention Deficit Disorder are more prone to lying than most neurotypical kids.

All children lie occasionally. But because of impulsivity and low self-

Despite the overwhelming evidence sitting right before you, most kids will assume you're a complete and total idiot and will believe them, not what you saw.
From Mister G Kids blog.

esteem — and their tendency to make mistakes that they think need covering up — kids with ADHD are especially prone to stretching the truth. 

Imagine that. A kid who is like to act without thinking, which mostly likely will lead to things getting out of his or her control, and someone who, because no one has ever thought all that well of their intelligence or behavior, believes the worst of himself or herself.

The impulsivity makes them act. The low self-esteem makes them do anything to avoid being called onto the carpet and told what failures they are again and again.

A definite recipe for lying. So we know going in that AD(H)D kids are more prone to lying. So what should we, as parents, do about it. I know smacking the lie out of a kid won’t work. Not from personal experience, thankfully, but from talking to others and doing some research on the topic. (Hey, it’s not like I’m winging this from my butt all the time.)**

Because these sorts of kids tell lies from their own insecurities, it seems obvious that we shouldn’t punish them for it. At least not when they’re young or not at first.

Instead, make sure your child understands what will happen if she gets caught in a lie. The downside of telling a lie — even a relatively benign one — may be obvious to grownups, but kids need to be reminded that lying usually causes more problems than it eliminates.

Insecure kids want to make themselves look better, be perceived as better kids. Impulsive kids are more likely to blurt out an answer — any answer — when they’re in a tough spot.

Teach your child to silently count to three before speaking, and to use that time to formulate a truthful answer.

One important point I’ve always thought worked well was to reward honesty. Don’t make it blatant like, “I’m giving you a quarter because you told the truth.” Because then they’ll run around shouting exactly what they think of as truth at the top of their lungs and expecting to be rewarded for telling Mr. Johnson his toupee looks dumb. But, every once in a while, put a hand on her shoulder and tell her how proud you are to see her telling the truth, even when it’s hard.

There is one good thing about kids lying. For the most part, they’re terrible liars. They consider, “Godzilla broke in while chasing a tiger,” to be a perfectly acceptable answer to “What happened to the lamp?”

When you catch your child in a lie, offer him a truth check. That is, give him one chance — consequence free — to tell the truth. If he does, no harm, no foul. If not, then bring the natural consequences.

Hey, no one ever said parenting was easy.

The good news is that, until someone comes up with a lie detector that can cook waffles***, we’re still pretty much indispensable,

Footnotes & Errata

* Hah! No. I most certainly can tell a lie. Not that I’ve ever lied to you. No, of course not. I would never lie to you.
** 98.4 percent most definitely doesn’t count as all.
*** There’s no app for that.

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Sunday Self-Promotion: Charlotte Parent

We’ve got a second home!

That’s right, dudes and dudettes, Barry and Richard are opening up a second home here on the internet. By which I mean that we’re not actually going anywhere, nor are we suddenly rich or anything. There’s just another place where we get to put a picture of us up an not have people wonder where in the most wanted list we’re numbered.

You might remember that we’re going to have a column in Charlotte Parent magazine every month. Well, things have changed a bit. We’re going to be in the print version of the magazine, which comes out near the end of each month, on the even months (February, April, June, August, October, December) and we’re going to have a new column on the website at least once a month on the even months.

I say at least because the fools wonderful folks at Charlotte Parent have given us the keys to the kingdom. Or at least the password to upload something to the website.

If you think we’re going to let that go by without abusing using it. . . Well, you haven’t been paying attention.

Not that we blame you, of course. We haven’t really been paying attention all that much ourselves.

In fact, we. . . we. . . Hnh.

Never mind.

Even though we’re going to be printed in the even months, we’re also going to have that column get posted on the website as well. So, if you’re ever worried about not getting enough of us here at the Dude’s Guide, don’t fret.

Although, maybe you should fret. Or see a doctor, maybe. I mean, you don’t get enough of us? There might be something wrong with you. And by might I mean there definitely is.

Moving on.

If you’re in the mood for a little fresh Dude content, you can find us on the Charlotte Parent website in the section on Charlotte Parent Blogs. We’re the Stay-At-Home Dudes column.

Come on by and leave a note. You’ll be glad you did.

Well, you’ll be glad you did that as opposed to, oh, I don’t know, maybe hitting your thumb with a hammer. Yeah, definitely more glad than doing that.

The Dude’s Guide: Better than hitting your thumb with a hammer.

I’m thinking of getting that embroidered on a mug or something.

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I (Heart) You, Babe

St. Valentine’s Day come round again, bringing with it the pure joy and sense of togetherness that is love.

It surely wouldn’t bring with it feelings of inadequacy, panic, anger, frustration, sexual frustration, crumpling under pressure, performance anxiety, fervent desire to be somewhere — anywhere — else. Surely.

Ha, don’t call it Shirley.

I’m not sure if it’s a difference between dudes and dudettes, but the men I know really have no special affection for Valentine’s Day. To us, it’s just a day where we used to get candy in school and (at least for me) that inadequate feeling when the only Valentines in your bag were the ones that got given out to everyone in the classroom.

Even when I ostensibly grew up, I never saw all that much reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I probably got it from my AlohaDoc, aka my dad.

I can’t remember how many times he told me the story of how, when he was a young dude himself, he used to break up with whoever his girlfriend was at the time right around the first of February. That way he didn’t have to go out and purchase a gift.

Women, on the other candy assortment, seem to love Valentine’s Day. I found this out during the first Valentine’s Day I spent with the lady who would become my wife, known to me then as She Who Must Be Having More Fun Than Anyone I’ve Ever Met Before.

We were about to swap presents when she said, “I love Valentine’s Day. It’s always been so special to me.”

At which point my heart crumbled to dust, sifted out my body and landed in a small, dry pile on the linoleum of her dad’s kitchen floor. Because, being an idiot, I’d managed to get her something remarkably unspecial. Heck, it was so unspecial, I can’t even remember what it was.

What I do remember is the look on her face, the sadness trying to hide behind a really bad poker face. I’ve learned since then. Valentine’s Day is a big deal.

Me? Still not so much. The way I see it, I would rather receive spontaneous recognition of someone’s love for me during the year than have one day where that display is mandated. I mean, is it really special when you’ve got to do it?

I’m not so sure about that.

Anyway, I don’t want to come off sounding all cynical and anti-love. I’m not. Well, not anti-love. I can’t help being cynical. I mean, after all, my eyes and ears do work and I pay attention to the world. How could I not be cynical?

But not cynical about love. Love is amazing. Love. Love will keep us together. It’s just Valentine’s Day I have a problem with.

That said, I still went out and got some very nice presents to hand over to my Sweetie. I’m not telling because she’ll probably read this before I have a chance to give them to her.

The hug’s going to be nice. As for anything else. . .

See you later, dudes.

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