Tag Archives: Feb 14

Valentine’s Day Today

by Richard

It’s not too late, dudes. I’m sure you can rush right out after work and stop by a gas station quikie mart on your way home and get a perfectly acceptable and romantic Valentine’s Day gift for your wife. I’m sure of it.

Okay. No. I’m not. You’re doomed. Fess up and take it like a man.

Whatever you do, don’t use the excuse that Valentine’s Day is just some made-up holiday designed to sell a lot of cards and chocolate and flowers and all that and that you really show your love every single day because she’s so wonderful and you shouldn’t be held to some artificial standard invented by marketing executives when you love her so much your love can’t be contained to only one day so you thought you’d keep spreading it out because you love her so very much.

It doesn’t work.

Trust me. I know.

Don’t ask me how I know, but I do know. The Bruise Of ’08 could tell you such a story. But won’t.

No, all this is true. It really is a silly marketing ploy, but, unfortunately, it’s one that works. People have become conditioned to believe that we need to show our love for our significant others (or significantly important this month ones) on Feb. 14. This is the day we need to adjust our definitions of romance to exclude things like TV trays, take-out bags, anything that comes in sets of six, or ties (when intended to be worn around the neck).

Remember when I said you were doomed. You’re not. Not really. Even a single flower, given with enough sincerity and meaningfulness, can stir even the coldest heart. Once you learn to fake those, you’re in.

Happy Valentine’s Day, dudes!

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And The Countdown Begins. Again.

by Richard

Well, you dudes have had a good month and a half off from having to hustle out into the cold, cruel world and search for the perfect gift for your wife, girlfriend, partner, significant other. That’s far too long.

So let’s shake things up and we’ll invent something called Valentine’s Day and we’ll make it all about love and then we’ll amp the commercial aspects of this thing and force school kids to send Valentine’s Day cards to all their classmates even if they don’t like them and we’ll make sure you can’t get through this and keep your relationship going without buying something nice and. . .

Okay, I might be exaggerating just a tad there. Maybe.

Still, Valentine’s Day is an interesting beast. Coming as it does in the middle of February, there’s not much around it, thankfully, so it seems as if this holiday got put there just to break up the winter monotony. Sure I could be wrong, but the cynical choice can be depended on to be the right choice a lot of the time. Even when it’s not, it still sounds like you know what you’re talking about so you will do it again and again.

Anyway.

Valentine’s Day is coming up on Feb. 14 and it’s this day, no other, that we’re supposed to celebrate our love for the people with which we’re in a relationship. Never mind the other 354 days in the year, don’t worry about showing your love on those days, no this is the one that counts.

Blow this one and you’re in a ship-load of trouble. A veritable ship-load, I tell you.

So, you know, no pressure.

The traditional gifts are flowers and chocolate. You know you don’t want to make either of those the centerpiece of your gift. You’ll get that polite smile and smek on the cheek, but behind her eyes you’ll see the crushing disappointment, the despair and the sure and certain knowledge that you really don’t understand her and never will, you jerk.

What are you supposed to do, then, if you can’t go with the traditional?

Oddly, I’ve found that one of the best ways to do this is just to ask. Not blatantly, you understand, subtly. Look over mail-order catalogs with her, see what she likes; or force yourself to go window shopping with her.

No matter what you choose, make sure it’s something personal. I mean, she might really need and want a new iron, but that’s not going to get you any points come Valentine’s Day.

Best of luck, dudes!

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