August is a busy month for me. I’ve got to content with young dudes suffering breakdowns because their school is getting ready to begin again, break out the swords and cudgels necessary to successfully navigate the school-supply crowds at Walmart, and find a way to help celebrates the births of the first two women in [...]]]> by Richard

August is a busy month for me. I’ve got to content with young dudes suffering breakdowns because their school is getting ready to begin again, break out the swords and cudgels necessary to successfully navigate the school-supply crowds at Walmart, and find a way to help celebrates the births of the first two women in my life.

Yes, today and tomorrow we celebrate my mom’s birthday and then that of my sister.

Today is a big year. My mom turns 70, which is something I find absolutely amazing. When I was younger, I always thought of 70-year-old people as so decrepit and old it was a wonder they didn’t just fall apart whenever they took a breath. My mom, though. . . Despite having multiple sclerosis for decades and going through breast cancer, my mom is an amazingly energetic and fun lady.

She’s able to laugh at anything life throws at her and then make sure the rest of her family is having as much fun as she is. She’s warm and funny and loves her grandchildren more than is possibly healthy. Just ask her. She’s also more adventurous than I can believe.

This is a lady who has to use a wheelchair to go any significant distances and must use a walker to drag her MS-damaged leg around her house. And yet. . . This Christmas she’s going on a cruise to Antarctica. Yeah, the land of permanent ice and snow. The most rugged place on earth and she’s headed there for fun. With a wheelchair.

It’s hard for me to think about my sister as anyone other than that little ball of annoyance who had a habit of biting her own arm and then blaming me for it. And yet. . . she’s grown up into her own type of amazing woman.

I only wish I had half her grace under pressure, half of her parenting skill, heck, half of her maturity. I never thought it would happen, but she’s definitely someone to whom I’ll turn for advice whenever I’m stuck.

She and her husband produced two of the five greatest kids I’ve ever met. Admittedly, her kids are probably ranked 2a and 2b (right after a three-way tie for first taken up by my three little dudes). . .

I am a lucky dude to be surrounded by three (can’t leave out She Who Must Not Be Forgotten) strong, intelligent, moral, loving, amazing women. Thanks to them, I know what real women are like. I see the best of femininity on a daily basis and I’m thankful for that kind of luck.

Happy birthday, Mom. Happy birthday, Leslie.

Thanks for everything.

Now get out there and enjoy.

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Sometimes it’s good that science will go out of the way to prove the obvious. If I were to tell you that the type of family from which a child comes will have an effect on how well that child does in school, you’d probably look at me like I was an idiot and say [...]]]> by Richard

Sometimes it’s good that science will go out of the way to prove the obvious. If I were to tell you that the type of family from which a child comes will have an effect on how well that child does in school, you’d probably look at me like I was an idiot and say something like, “Well, duh!” Or possibly something more mature, but I think you get the point.

Guess what? You’d be right.

A new study that came out a couple of weeks ago from researchers at the University of Rochester in New York and the University of Notre Dame has classified families into three distinct groups: cohesive, enmeshed and disengaged.

•COHESIVE: Characterized by emotional warmth.

•DISENGAGED: Characterized by cold, controlling and withdrawn relationships.

•ENMESHED: Characterized by moderate warmth and emotional involvement, but also hostility and meddling.

Just looking over the categories, I’m thinking you could guess that the children coming from cohesive families entered school and then progressed with the best social, emotional and behavioral adjustment. While the study didn’t look at academic performance, it’s been shown that social, emotional and behavioral maladjustment can lead to a decline in academic performance.

Researchers said children from families characterized as disengaged had the most problems; they started out in school with higher levels of aggressive and disruptive behavior and had more difficulty focusing and cooperating.

The behaviors worsened each year, researchers found.

Children from families described as enmeshed entered school with no more disciplinary problems or depression and withdrawal than their peers from cohesive families, but later began to suffer higher levels of anxiety and feelings of loneliness and alienation.

On average, Sturge-Apple says, those from cohesive families showed fewer problems.

The good news is that the study found that the majority of families studied, 59 percent, were labeled as cohesive families, while the rest were split — for the most part — somewhat evenly.

I think this just brings to light what I’ve already said: everything affects everything. What you do in school affects what you do at home and what you do at home affects what you do in school, all of which is affected by who you hang out with and who you hang out with affects what happens everywhere else.

Looking at the definitions for the different types of families, I see that the cohesive families are basically described as being emotionally warm. That doesn’t mean, however, that there’s no conflict, no punishment or consequences. I think, basically, what they’re saying is that you need to make sure your little dude or little dudette know they are loved and you support them, even if you have to punish them for seeing if they can make a steak knife stick in the wall from 15 feet away.

Feel the love, dudes. Feel the love.

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After about a decade of service, most of the lives of our little dudes, we decided to get a new car back in 2007. My wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Out Of Her Mind, was insisting on an SUV.

Something about how, being a dude I’d be more comfortable driving one of [...]]]> by Richard

After about a decade of service, most of the lives of our little dudes, we decided to get a new car back in 2007. My wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Out Of Her Mind, was insisting on an SUV.

Something about how, being a dude I’d be more comfortable driving one of those. However, being the person primarily responsible for driving our now-not-so-little dudes around, I knew a minivan would provide more room for them so stretch out and not be in each other’s face during long trips. I also had a lot invested in trying to live up to the minivans are cool philosophy I’d been trying to convince other people about.

It’s true. Minivans are cool. (Rinse. Repeat.)

Anyway, while I liked the idea of automatic sliding doors and better gas mileage, the little dudes were most excited about the idea that the new Jonesmobile would have a DVD player installed inside the car. They loved the thought that they could watch TV while riding in the car. For them, that was really the arrival of the future in their lives.

We all remember our own childhood car experiences. Long trips with the family. Sitting in the back seat, no seat belts of course, trying to keep down the greasy hamburger while jerking back and forth on the busted shocks and rusting springs. Trying to move your head in rhythm to the car while keeping track of the words dancing on the page in your lap. Playing car games, counting license plates from Arizona or somewhere else exotic. Good times. Good times.

I also remember getting yelled at a lot by my parents because my sister was such a jerk. What? Well, it’s the way I remember it.

Now, though, we can take long, long drives, trips to anywhere, and have almost absolute quiet as the little dudes sit, strapped into their seats, staring slack jawed at the DVD screen and listening to their headphones. An actual quiet vacation drive. It was kind of creepy for the first couple of times not to have to break up fights every seven minutes. Now we only had to worry every hour and a half or so when they had to decide on the next movie.

It’s all good, yeah? No. Not really.

Because now the little dudes expect to be watching something every time they get in the car. If I let them, they’ll have a movie or Mythbusters DVD running at all times. Take a five-minute trip to the grocery store? They’re watching a movie. Drive to the movie theater? They’re watching a DVD movie in the back seat on the way there.

This constant need to be entertained in the car is getting on my nerve a bit. I barely get to hear a word from them during any car ride. I never thought I’d start to miss the sound of them yelling during a car ride.

So, what about you? Is the advent of the in-car DVD a good thing for you?

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