Tag Archives: Explanations

Charlotte Parent: Explanations Are In Order

Bedtime battles are a fact of life.

You’d think, as the young dudes and dudettes grow up, they’d stop fighting sleep so constantly. You’d be wrong.

Sure, tweens and teens are more likely to sleep through noon if left alone, but the odds are they also stayed up until dawn. So it’s not like they’re getting a lot of sleep, only timeshifting their rack time.

As much as we parents tell the young ‘uns they need more sleep, they just don’t listen.

But you might be doing about it the wrong way.

Today, over at Charlotte Parent, I’ll be talking about the thought that just telling your kids to go to bed NOW might not be the best way to make sure they get enough sleep. As usual, I’ll be blogging under our Stay-At-Home Dudes column name.

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Of Explanations And Excuses

A little bit of one, but not so much of the other.

So I just got back from spending time out in Dallas to visit the original Dude, my Dad. He and his wife hosted me out at their home for a very long weekend. I went home, well, the one place where I lived with family the longest until I came here to Charlotte, to attend the wedding of a friend of mine.

Fireman Dave and I have been friends since elementary school. Which, just for those of you who don’t know, is a long time ago. Maybe not that long, but certainly not last week.


I went back to Dallas and did not bring my laptop. I was going to try keeping up using only an iPad or other similar items. Just so you know? The iPad didn’t work at all well when I was trying to update the site.

For everything else, the brilliant little device worked, well, brilliantly. For the Guide? Crap. Not sure what that’s trying to tell us, but there it is. All of which helps to explain why I’ve not been here in a while.

The wedding was fantastic. Fireman Dave and His Beloved Sherri made for a great couple. It also made for an interesting wedding.

I don’t call Fireman Dave a fireman for nothing. He really is a firefighter with the Dallas Fire Department. So there were a bunch of folks from his house there. Imagine, a room full of firefighters. Professionals.

Then the fire alarm goes off. Blaring sirens, strobing lights, all that jazz. It spoke to something deep inside each and every one of us, telling us it was time to go, run for the hills and don’t stop.

No one, and I mean no one, no civilian, no firefighter, no one, so much as flinched.

The music played on. The dancing continued, only with a different beat, and not a single person headed toward the door.

This lasted for all of about five minutes when the DJ announced that, sorry, but we had to evacuate the building.

It turns out, there really was no fire. The DJ had set off a fog machine a few minutes before the alarm triggered. Turns out fog machines and smoke alarms don’t get along all that well.

We had to trudge out into the night, which, thankfully wasn’t the frigid night before, and stand around and talk for a while. Just long enough, in fact, for a fire truck to cruise by — no lights or sirens — and then flip on all the noisemakers and light shows right next to the party. I figure it was someone stopping by to say hello to Fireman Dave on the night of his nuptials.

Long story short, great party. I got to read a epithalamium, which for the approximately 99.96 percent of you who don’t know what that is (and I include myself in that large percentage, or I did until my dad dropped the word on me), means a song or poem in honor of a bride or groom.

It was a poem. Recited to the tune of The Ballad of Jed Clampet. No, really.

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Freaky Friday: Taking Candy From Babies

by Richard

Here’s a little tip for you dudes out there: Anyone who says that taking candy from babies is easy, has obviously never actually tried to take candy from a baby. I think that’s a paraphrase of a quote from someone, but today I’m just too lazy to actually look it up. If you’re interested, there’s this thing called the internets that might be able to help. Anyway. While it might not be easy, taking candy from babies might actually be a good idea.

Why, I hear you asking, should we go to all that sticky, smelly and yelly trouble to take candy from babies? I’m thinking it’s because we don’t want to get mugged or beaten up in about 25 years or so. Wha-huh?

A study of almost 17,500 participants in the 1970 British Cohort Study found that 10-year-olds who ate confectionary daily were significantly more likely to have been convicted for violence at age 34 years. Researchers from Cardiff University found that 69 per cent of the participants who were violent at the age of 34 had eaten sweets and chocolate nearly every day during childhood, compared to 42% who were non-violent.

This link between confectionary consumption and violence remained after controlling for other factors.

So, what this means is the scientists from Cardiff University (actual real-world home of Dr. Who, which has absolutely nothing to do with this, but I really couldn’t resist making that point) were able to rule out just about every other cause for this increase in violence so that the only probable cause was eating sweeties every day.

Wow. Let me tell you, after reading this I’m feeling much better about being such a mean, nasty everybody-else-gets-to-eat-candy-why-won’t-you-let-me sort of dad. Hah! I was actually in the forefront of a good health trend. Who woulda thunk it?

The researchers put forward several explanations for the link. Lead researcher Dr Simon Moore said: “Our favoured explanation is that giving children sweets and chocolate regularly may stop them learning how to wait to obtain something they want. Not being able to defer gratification may push them towards more impulsive behaviour, which is strongly associated with delinquency.”

Of course, the scientists came up with a few more weasel words to make sure they weren’t trying to make us think the link was positively proven. I mean, come on, if they did that, how would they be able to go after the next round of funding when it was time to make the next payment on every scientist’s lake house and private jet? Or maybe I’m confusing the scientists with bankers. I do that all the time. Which makes for some odd questions when I’m at the bank.

So: Positive tip. Either take away the candy or get ready to stock up on band aids. Seems an easy choice to me, dudes.

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