Tag Archives: Emotional Connection

Relationship Rules For Home And Office

“No man is an island entire of itself.” John Donne

It’s true, dudes. No matter how much it might irk us at times, we all are beholden to the many and various relationships we build, strengthen, destroy and recreate every single day. Heard the old saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know?” Yeah, that’s relationships.

And relationships are built on feelings. Which, as we all know, is something with which all dudes are exceedingly comfortable dealing, especially around other people.

Not only at work, but, perhaps more importantly, in your personal life. Relationships are vitally important. A bad relationship with your spouse leads to divorce court, if you’re lucky. At work, a bad relationship will drag you down and keep you from advancement.

At home, a good relationship will lift you up from the muck and mire that is the lot of all men, allowing you to see the splendor that is shared joy. At work, a good relationship can help propel you to the top.

Which means it’s time for all dudes to get a move on and start working on their relationships. Hence, this little post right here.

“Relationships are an art, and most of us lack the skill and mastery to help break—or all together avoid—destructive patterns, disrespect, and deception. Far too many people also lack the ability to have productive connections with others—those that help you achieve goals, sharpen your mind, and generally uplift and enrich your life.”

That last was from Van Moody, author of the forthcoming The People Factor, and a motivational speaker who concentrates on building healthy relationships between people. I know this because he had his publicity people send me a big release about some of his rules for healthy relationships.

Photo by Quez Shipman of EQS Photography
Photo by Quez Shipman of EQS Photography

Of course, because he’s got a book coming out, he’s here to tell us that in the book he will detail some serious rules that, if followed, guarantee you a great relationship. I can’t speak to the verity of his implied guarantee, but I have looked over the abbreviated list of ideas his people sent along and they sound like some good stuff. I thought I’d share those with you right here.

Don’t hide: While secret identities might be fun in the movies, a person who harbors secrets, and hides their fears, and beliefs from others will never be able to enjoy an authentic relationship. Being real with others and even making yourself vulnerable from time to time can foster tremendous emotional connections, including all-important trust, and forge unbreakable bonds.

I love this idea, especially as it’s right up there at the very top. If we can’t be honest with the people closest to us, how can we expect them to give us what we really want, what we really need.
Don’t tweak the truth. Studies show that 10-30% of applicants admit to “tweaking” their resumes—that’s certainly no way to start an engagement with a new employer.  Whether at work or at home, lying—even small white lies—will do nothing but undermine and compromise any relationship. Instead, even slightly altering the truth is one of the most destructive forces that can permanently damage a personal or professional relationship.

I can’t emphasize this one enough. You might think it’s a victimless crime to inflate your experience, but it’s not. Consider what sort of attitude your boss will have toward you when she asks you to do something you’re supposed to be an expert at, but you have only a vague idea what to do. Trust? Not so much and that can’t be good.
Don’t rush and miss critical red flags. Understand that a relationship is a journey with changes in direction, twists and turns, and roadblocks along the way.  It’s imperative to pass through certain experiences and navigate through difficulties to learn from these situations and create a healthy outcome. Resist the desire to take shortcuts or race through certain aspects of a relationship. 

This is a tough one for me. I’m constantly watching conversational flow and jumping ahead in an attempt to cut out the boring stuff and get to where we both know it’s going to end up at the last. I’ve found people don’t actually enjoy being preempted like that. Take the time to get it right.
 Don’t force it. There’s an old R&B lyric that says, “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.” Despite the poor grammar, it is quite insightful in its simplicity. Relationships that create positive synergy through mutual respect and shared values are worth your investment.

By the same token, relationships that don’t work shouldn’t be kept around because you wish they would.
That’s all the room we’ve got for today, but we’ll be back with a few more rules for successful relationships tomorrow. Join me, won’t you?

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Giving Away Cool Information And Even Cooler Prizes

You can’t have a baby without having a pregnancy at least somewhere along the line. It might not be in the immediate family, but somewhere, somehow, there is a woman who is carrying the little dude about to enter your life.

Back in the dark ages when my wife, known to me then as She Who Must Be Handled With Extreme Delicacy, and I were pregnant with our first son, there wasn’t nearly the type of information, support or ability to understand what was going on with our growing, gestating spawn.

We had to read a very, very long book, and rely on a certain someone’s medical school training, to know what was going on with the little dude as he was growing. Heck, we didn’t even know if he was a little dude or a little dudette. Although we can’t blame that one on primitive technology as I didn’t want to know until the delivery.

Good thing we’ve moved out of those dark ages. These days, there’s a slab of the future we carry around in our purses or pockets. Sure we could go all out to start looking up stuff about pregnancy and when certain milestones occur, all that stuff. Or you could drive yourself crazy wondering if that cough is the symptom of some horrible disease pregnant women can get and it’s just waiting to pounce.

Or you could get smart. Not the TV show.

Earlier this week, I talked with someone who knows a little bit about offering pregnant couples a way to lessen the anxiety, while also upping the emotional connection between them and the gestating spawn.

Dr. Hansa Bhargava is the lead pediatrician for the WebMD online medical group.  She oversees the team of medical experts responsible for ensuring the accuracy, credibility, and timeliness of all content on WebMD FIT and Raising FIT Kids, and she blogs for these sites as well.

And the good folks at WebMD have a fantastic new iPhone app that you can download for free that tells you just about everything you need to know, all in one place, about being pregnant or dealing with someone who is.

“I’m very excited about it because I really feel like this app gives you not only the information you might want, but all the information a mom might need, all in one place,” she said.

Before the technos at WebMD started putting the app together, Bhargava said, the company surveyed more than 800 women and found that the number one thing they wanted was that the information about pregnancy needed to be mobile, that it needed to be as wrapped together as much as possible. In short, they wanted a doc in a phone.

“This app really delivers on those two counts as well as many others,” she said. “It’s trusted information. You know it’s doctor approved. It’s personalized so it can serve up information you might not know you need, depending on what week you are in your pregnancy.”

Okay, dudes. I’ve got a lot more good stuff to give you with Dr. Bhargava, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back for that tomorrow. For now, we’re at that point in the post when I give you stuff.

Gift Bag

The fine folks at WebMD have sent me a whole bunch of stuff and they want me to give it to one of you lucky readers. This is some prime baby stuff. There’s swaddling blankets:  SwaddleDesign Ultimate Receiving Blanket, a digital thermometer:  Vick’s Baby Rectal Thermometer, towel & washcloth:  Aden & Anais La Mer Towel & Washcloth, the most recent issue of the WebMD magazine, and more stuff from WebMD on pregnancy.

This, my friends, is a good deal. And, to win this lovely prize, along with a special treat direct from the heart of aDudesGuide.com, can be yours. All you have to do is send me an e-mail detailing — in 100 words or less — what you said when you first learned you were going to be a parent. On purpose. I’ll pick out a winner randomly and send along the goodies — and the special, secret treat from Barry and me, Richard. You need to get the e-mail to me no later than midnight March 27. That gives you dudes a good week to get working.

Back tomorrow with more from the good doctor and more on the giveaway.

 

 

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