Tag Archives: Elephants

Through A Glass Dark(Green)ly

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Unless it’s directed at you because you’re walking into an event with two smokin’ hot ladies on your arm.

And by you I mean me and by two smokin’ hot ladies, I mean my wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Shown Off Every Once In A While, and her friend, the Sultry Siren.

It was an entrance for the ages.

Both ladies were dolled up, dressed to the nines, with hair swept up and styled just so. Dresses tight in just the right places, and flowing along suggestively suggested lines. High heels accentuating the well-toned calves in every leg.

Provided you didn’t look in the middle of that particular grouping, you’d probably have your eyes dazzled by the pure, raw sensuality they were pumping out.

The middle being me, of course. Now, I didn’t look bad, understand. I looked pretty good — for me — in my tux, wearing a shocked, disbelieving grin as I kept looking side to side. Still, I was all right. The ladies on my arms. . . Another story all together.

I wasn’t the only person who looked either. I noticed a lot of men glancing our way, looking away, then shooting another glance at us, their eyes slightly greener as they imagined how much better they would look if they were sandwiched between the two smokin’ hot ladies.

What they didn’t know was that they couldn’t have pried my arms out of theirs with a crow bar, three elephants, a camel and one very stubborn platypus. (Which, as you know, are quite stubborn.)

As disappointed as I was that I had to give up two very nice tickets to the off-Broadway production of Sleeping Beauty, I had to feel that I’d received the better end of the deal by going to the March of Dimes Signature Chef’s Auction. Unfortunately, no, the March of Dimes wasn’t auctioning off the chefs.

Instead, the chefs each prepared a single dish and then we, the attendees, would wander throughout the high-toned feeding trough, getting a slice of awesome at each stop. In addition to the food, there were about 50 different silent auction pieces, and another live auction.

Each item or service auctioned off goes to benefit the March of Dimes and that organization’s efforts to help every mother carry her pregnancy to term, and providing care and treatment for children born too soon or with congenital defects. They are, to put it mildly, a pretty fantastic organization.

So when I had the opportunity to dress up, slink out for a night on the town with She Who Must Be Seen To Be Believed and the Sultry Siren, there was no way I was going to pass that up.

Being the object of many, many jealous glares was just icing on the cake. And I love icing.

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Dude Review: Snuff

by Richard

Normally, when I do a Dude Review, you dudes can count on my having given the article/book/movie/service/whatever a thorough going over so I know it, both inside and out. Well, relatively sure anyway.

This time, though. . . Well, this time not only haven’t I read the book, you can be pretty sure no one has read the book for the most part. It’s only being released for the first time today. And, yet, here I am reviewing it and, more than that, giving it five (out of 5) dudes for excellence.

The book in question is Snuff, written by Sir Terry Pratchett. For more than 30 years, Pratchett has been writing some of the most thoughtful, amazingly consistent and most funny satire in the English language. And it’s all set on a fantasy “earth” called the Discworld, because this place really is a disk, setting on the backs of four enormous elephants, which, in turn, rest on a great space turtle that slowly perambulates through space.

As I said, it’s fantasy, but it’s also fantastic satire. Past books have lanced the foibles of academia, soccer, war, you name it.

Each book is full of literal belly laughs and that’s a very, very rare thing. Seriously, think back and tell me how many times you’ve been reading a book and actually laughed aloud, rather than smiled and said, “That’s funny.” Not many, yeah? Pratchett, though, has laugh-out-loud moments sprinkled throughout every single book.

The ardent Pratchet-ophile can divide his Discworld books into themes: there’s the witches of Lancre, the city watch, the Unseen University, and the catch-all category that lampoons things like civic employment and newspapers. Seriously, these things are amazing.

Snuff stars Sam Vimes, the commander of the City Watch of Ankh-Morpock (the early industrial era London of the Discworld) so it slots neatly into the city watch section of Pratchett’s work. And that’s good because some of my favorite Pratchett books have covered the various officers and offenders that populate that city.

So, yeah. You should go out and get this book. Like, right now. Don’t worry that it’s the latest book in a series that spans 30 years because Pratchett does an amazing job of setting each book on its own. Pick up any book and you’ll never notice it wasn’t the first book ever written in the Discworld series.

The best thing about all these books is that, after the laughs, and after the tears (because, like the best comedy, it’s rooted in tragedy), you can read about everyone in the book getting what they deserved and close the covers with a warm smile. Every time. A smile in every book.

Go get it. This is the real stuff. The good stuff. It’s stuff dudes and non-dudes will love. Snuff.

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The Quiet Of The Future

by Richard

Creepy is a good word I can use to describe the Compound de Dude these days. It really is too quiet. Of course there’s the animals and the loud, annoying sounds they make when they cross paths, but that’s as nothing compared to the wailing, nails-on-blackboard screaming, laughing and elephants-on-stampede sounds from the stairs that we’re used to having around here.

All three young dudes are off at their various summer camps and activities. Sarcasmo is in China, working with pandas and traveling around to visit the wonders of that far-off country. Zippy the Delivery Boy is in Wilmington, getting his advanced open-water certification in scuba from PADI and learning about marine biology at the MarineQuest summer camp. Hyper Lad is the least daring of the bunch (but only because he’s constrained by his young age) and is attending a two-week YMCA camp in the mountains. It’s his sixth year at Camp Cheerio, where he’s following the footsteps of his brothers.

So, yeah. Without them around to loud up the place, it’s feeling a little like the future. Like the future when they’re all grown, most of them are out of college and they’re no longer living at home. It’s a taste of what life will be like and I’m not sure it’s a dish I’m ready to be served.

For now, though, we’re still only a couple of weeks away from having them all return and things will be returning to normal. For about three weeks until Sarcasmo heads off to college at High Point University.

Of course, another good thing about this small stretch of time, is that we are, in fact, childless. I and my wife, known to me for these two weeks as She Who Must Be Satisfied (Good, God, Woman I’m Only Human), can, if we want, walk around the house naked and not have to worry about scarring anyone. Well, no one except for the construction workers who’s taken over the house for our renovation.

Okay, maybe I didn’t think that bit through, but I’m sure we’ll find some use for our alone time. Thanks for asking.

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