Tag Archives: Dirt

Things Parents Can Teach

by Richard

There’s lots of, well, stuff floating around on the internet. But I don’t have to tell you dudes that. I mean, you’re here, after all.

And that’s good. Sometimes.

And, of course, sometimes I’s just plain scary.

The problem with the internet is that it’s made it far to easy for people who really shouldn’t be inflicted on anyone outside their immediate, unfortunate circle of acquaintances to spread their particular brand of sopholism and idiocy to more victims.

And, sometimes, you also get stuff that lets you grin. Just a bit.

Witness one such e-mailed gem. It’s about parenting and the stereotype of the brutal parent so prevalent in folks of our generation and older.

The Things I Owe My Parents
1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just finished cleaning.”

  2. My Parents taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My Parents taught me LOGIC.

” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC .

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My Parents taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

 9. My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONIST.

“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

  10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My Parents taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

 14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My Parents taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.

“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My Parents taught me ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My Parents taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My Parents taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”

 23. My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My Parents taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

And my favorite:

25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !”

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We Need Dirty Laundry

by Richard

No, the title’s not speaking metaphorically. This is actual, physical, stinky wrinkled dirty laundry. When they were younger little dudes, I used to do all their laundry. It was an all-day Sunday kind of thing, eating up almost every single hour in the day just to get them clean clothes.

As they got older, though, I started making sure they would be the ones to put away their clean clothing after I washed, dried and folded it. I’m a firm believer in having the young dudes participate, to the level of which they’re capable of at a given age, in the upkeep their lives demand.

The two older young dudes, Sarcasmo and Zippy the Monkey Boy, then got the shock of their young lives when I started telling them that from 7th grade and on, they were in charge of their own laundry. They had to gather it up. They had to bring it downstairs and sort it into darks and lights. They had to put the clothes into the washing machine, pour in the soap and the fabric softener and set the cycle. They had to move the clothes from the washer into the dryer and from there to fold them. Then they had to put the clothes up.

Needless to say, they weren’t all that happy with this sort of development. Well, said I, tough. It’s a skill every young dude and dudette needs to know. As early as college, they’re going to be on their own and have to do their own laundry. There’s no way they can pack enough to last them the entire semester. Thank, FSM for small favors.

I’ve got a friend, a lady who has a young dudette getting ready to head off to college. This young dudette has never done her own laundry. She has no idea at all how to do it. My friend, the mom, is frustrated that her daughter didn’t pick this sort of thing up as the years rolled by. I’m just laughing. There’s no way for the young dudes and dudettes to pick this sort of skill up without having to do it week in and week out, getting them used to the process. Until they can do it on their own without prompting.

Of course, we’ve still got issues. Sometimes, Sarcasmo and Zippy the Monkey Boy will go three weeks without doing laundry. Which means they’re wearing clothing several times, without actually washing them, contributing to the dudefunk. And, when they think I’m not paying attention, they’ll fold their clean clothes and then slide the basket back into their closet, all without putting away any of the clean bits. Then just cover the clean clothes with dirty so I won’t be able to tell. Which, to me, seems to negate the whole purpose of actually washing the clothes to begin with.

Still, it’s an important skill for these young dudes to know. I’m glad my mom made me learn when I was younger. I have a feeling my young dudes will feel the same. Eventually. Maybe.

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Freaky Friday: Hit The Showers

by Richard

The hardest part, you see, was getting someone to test it.

There are times on when people send stuff here to Spacious Dude Manor and ask me to try them out and talk about them here on the blog. Why anyone is interested in my opinion I couldn’t tell you. Perhaps marketing people just wake up on the wrong side of their respective beads on occasion or drink too much or get allowed to use the company mail room without supervision.

Whatever the reason, I recently received a supply of something called Qwik Shower Gyn Class Wipes. Yep, it’s a shower in a tiny tinfoil package. And no I’m not kidding.

I went into this with more than a little trepidation. I figured they’d be sending some sort of repackaged baby wipes and, FSM knows, I’ve seen enough of those in my lifetime to last me the rest of my lifetime. But, and I know this will come as a shock to you, I was wrong.

But let me back up a bit. As I said, the hardest part of this was finding someone on whom I could rely to test these things. Hyper Lad, being 11 and a boy, was right out. I asked him to try them at school after he had his PE equivalent, during which he’s running around, playing football and generally getting grimy. He just laughed. I had to laugh with him. I mean, this is a kid who, if I don’t get on his case will wear the same clothes Friday, Saturday and Sunday. On longer vacations, I have to remember to make him shower or a voracious funk starts following him around.

Zippy the Monkey Boy and Sarcasmo both sneered and turned me down. Being older teenagers, they couldn’t admit their personal hygiene was anything less than perfect at all times. When I brought up the number of times I’d had to remind them to put on deodorant in the past they just looked at me and slowly shook their heads.

And so it fell to me. Who ever thought, when I was growing up, that I would come to be the cleanest male in the house? I always figured that would fall to the dogs, but nope.

Anyway. I did try these out, these Qwik Showers. They come in these nice, convenient foil packages that allowed me to carry them around in my back pocket, so good thing there. I took one along with me to the Y and kept it in the locker. Normally after I work out, I scuttle on home as quickly as possible to take a shower. This time, I simply ripped into the Qwik Shower package and got to work wiping down.


I’d been afraid they would smell medicinal, but they actually had a pleasant odor, much like my pits did after I used them. There weren’t any unpleasant greasy feels after I used it and, yes, I actually did smell better. I hasten to add, though, that this wasn’t something designed to simply cover up odor. It eats up the dirt and smells and spits out clean. Although I’ll also hasten to add it’s a better process than I just made it sound there.

I quite liked the Qwik Shower wipe down. It was quick. It worked. And it left me smelling pretty good. Not to mention they’re pretty inexpensive: 1 for $1, 10 for $7, 50 for $29 and 100 for $49. A pretty good deal.

According to some information I got sent along with the wipes, you dudes can also use Quik Showers to help raise money for your schools or organizations. By partnering with Qwik Shower, you can get 10 percent back for PTAs, booster clubs or other non-profit organizations. Good produce and it seems like they’re good people.

All in all, I thought it was a nice piece of work. In fact, I got a couple of extras left over and I plan to keep them. I’m having shoulder surgery later this month, which means I’ll be out of the shower for days at a time. I have a feeling these Qwik Showers are going to come in handy.

I’d definitely give this a high recommendation. If you can get your little dudes to use them, or if you need them for yourself to keep in your workout bag, I’d say go ahead and do it. Well worth it.

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