A Dude's Guide » Cousins

Lost

Richard — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:01:02 +0000

I think my oldest little dude, Sarcasmo, has become mythical. Now that it’s summer and he doesn’t have anywhere he has to be, he’s spending a lot (and I mean a lot) of time upstairs either in his room or the family room. I seem to only see him at meal times and then only for seconds as he vacuums up his food and then disappears.

In fact, I’m seeing him so little that I’m thinking of sending a cryptozoologist out to look for him, just to validate my belief that Sarcasmo is still alive and well. Just not visible. The cryptozoologist will probably come back with some sort of Bigfoot photo. Won’t that be wonderful?

I remember back in the dim, dark days of yesteryear when the dinosaurs still ruled the earth and we had to walk uphill both ways to and from school to get an education, that I was, well, sort of anti-social as well. When I was his age. Sort of.

I distinctly remember going down to Houston to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins. I took a cowboy hat along. And a big coat. As soon as we hit the home of our relatives, I put on the coat and hat. Then I pulled down the brim of the hat in front so you couldn’t see my face. I then spent as much time as possible with my back against the wall, my head down and my hat over my eyes. I was playing sea urchin and daring anyone to come too close to my spine. I’m sure my parents, aunt and uncle were too busy trying not to laugh to really appreciate the angst I felt.

All of which gives me a little sympathy for ol’ Sarsmo. I — dimly — remember what it’s like to be 16 and know that you’re under the thumb of the dumbest people in the entire world. People who can’t see what’s so plain to you, that you really do know everything. And they’re idiots. So why won’t they just do what you tell them to do?

It’s a very clear, very logical mindset. When you’re his age, that is. So we’re giving him a little space. Space to brood. To fill up the room with angst. To think about how unfair the world is and how he’d change it for the better if he were in charge.

Oh yeah. And to read a lot of books and watch a lot of TV. I mean, it’s not like he’s forgotten the important things in life, you know?

– Richard

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The More Things Change. . .

Richard — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:01:27 +0000

Some things, it seems, never will change. Take my middle little dude, just as a for instance. Zippy the monkey boy got his name because, as a little little dude, he would climb anything he saw. I mean anything. Couches, legs, counters, trees, fences, cars. Seriously. Anything.

I’d thought that as he grew older (he’s now approaching his 15th birthday) he just might have grown out of it. Turns out I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

When we were at the beach for our family vacation last month, Zippy and I parted ways after the deep-sea fishing trip. He stayed behind to eat lunch with some of the cousins his own age, while I headed into town for a little shopping. What can I say? That’s how I roll.

Anyway, he headed home with the cousins to an empty condo. There was no one home. To top it off, the front and back doors were locked and, he said, he couldn’t find any way in.

So, what did he do? Did he decide to stay with the cousins? Did he ask an adult for help? No. Of course not.

He reverted to type.

Zippy the monkey boy decided to climb up the outside of the condo to the second-story balcony, clamber over the iron railing and then open the sliding-glass door to get inside. Luckily, the sliding-glass door was unlocked and he got in without incident.

Here’s an artist’s conception of Zippy the monkey boy getting into the empty condo.

Considering the artist has never met Zippy, well, let’s just say it’s a pretty good likeness.

– Richard

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Floridays

Richard — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 05:01:49 +0000

Walking outside, the heat hits you like a wall. Then someone takes a still wet blanket from the dryer, throws it over your face and then tells you to start breathing through it. Welcome to Florida during the summer, where, if the heat doesn’t kill you, the humidity will make you wish it had.

As you might have guessed, I’m not in my normal stomping grounds right now. Along with the rest of my immediate family, I’m down in Florida visiting with my Dad’s side of the family.

It’s a nice opportunity for my three little dudes to get to know their cousins, most of whom live far, far away. We don’t get together often enough so this makes a good excuse for me to brave the heat of a Florida summer. I mean, we moved north to get away from these. We moved to North Carolina so we could have four seasons.

Well, Florida actually does have four seasons. There’s summer, late summer, three days of winter, followed by early summer. So, yeah, four seasons. Sort of.

Long story short, this heat has wiped me out today. I’ll be back with more tomorrow.

– Richard

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A Dude's Guide » Cousins

Lost

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The More Things Change. . .

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Floridays

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