Tag Archives: Cheese

Doggie Danger

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

Apparently, I’ve been (slightly) poisoning our beloved Buzz, The Garbage Disposal Who Walks Like A Dog.

In a recent column at the Huffington Post, I read about 12 human foods that were dangerous to feed to your dog. While I knew several of them, I was completely gobsmacked by a lot of the items on the list.

I thought I’d share them with you dog-loving dudes out there who might have been as ignorant about this as was I. Although, to be fair, several of these are new additions to the list.

It’s pretty well-known that dogs can’t abide chocolate and the darker the chocolate, the more the danger. That’s because chocolate contains  caffeine and theobromine, known as methylxanthines. Dogs eating this can experience dehydration, vomiting, diarrhea and possibly death. So, no chocolate treats.Cute puppy

Milk and cheese also make the list because they have properties that dog digestive systems can’t break down. These can lead to some pretty nasty consequences, one of which is bad gas. Now, if you’ve ever owned a dog, you know doggy poots are toxic even at the best of times. Knowing that cheese and milk can make mammals poot up a storm, we’ve been keeping these away from Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, just to be safe.

Onions and garlic both make the list for the damage they can do to the dog’s blood cells, leading to either death or a necessary blood transfusion to mitigate the damage. The dogs’ reaction to these foods can take a couple of days to show up, but include dark-red urine and extreme lethargy.

We don’t know what it is about macadamia nuts that hurts dogs, but it certainly is dangerous. Eating them can lead to hypothermia, vomiting, staggering and tremors.

The first big surprise on the list, for me, is grapes. Our dog loves grapes, loves to catch them and then eat them. So now that’s right out the window because I don’t want our cutie pie suffering from extreme and rapid kidney failure because he ate grapes or raisins.

Now, I sort of assumed that an avocado pit would be bad for a dog because it could block up all sorts of tubes. What I didn’t know was that the flesh of the avocado, which contains a toxin called persin, also was dangerous to canines . Eating guac can cause upset stomachs, fluid buildup in the chest and difficulty breathing.

I’d hoped I could get through this in only one post, but it’s not looking likely. So I’ll be back tomorrow with the rest of the list.

Until then, why not just give Fido food and snacks that actually are intended to be eaten by dogs. Keep the human food to humans. And those reptiloids masquerading as humans, of course.

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Tales From The Ice Age

Down here in the South, we’re not used to being snowed in.

Well, we are, but normally by snow we mean sunshine and by snowed in we mean enjoying the warm, sunny day. But I’m guessing it’s not really the same thing.

Anyway, the Great Blizzard of 2014 lasted from a Tuesday through a Saturday, which was when even the most timid person could drive on roads that had most recently been covered by snow and ice.

So, the other day, I was talking to some of my fellow survivors and we were discussing our various problems that surfaced when we couldn’t leave the house for almost four whole days.

With no further ado, I bring you one of those stories. I warn you, it’s not for the meek at heart, the timid nor the easily frightened. It contains instances of cannibalism* too frightening to be discussed in polite company.

Allow me to introduce Henry Tudor, who works as a freelance educator here in Charlotte. He’s a young dad, with two kids. His youngest is a little dude, who is about 2 years old. His first child, a young dudette, is about 4 years old.

“I got home Monday night and couldn’t leave the house until Saturday when I started calling people up and begging them to see if they needed to meet anywhere.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. It was fun. We made snow forts, built snowmen and threw snowballs and all that stuff. But we were Cheetos are a great snack, even though they leave your fingers all orange and sticky and with yellow crumbs all over your mouth.basically stuck inside for four days. And that’s inside for four days with two kids under 5 years old.

It seemed like all I was doing all day, every day, for all those snow-in days was picking stuff up. I would pick up one batch of stuff, get it squared away, then turn around and find another completely different batch of stuff scattered all over a different room. I almost got to the point where I was seriously considering that they were doing it on purpose, that they were out to get me.

As bad as all these messes were, nothing will beat what my son did.

I was putting away another armful of toys and stuff when he darted off behind my back to the pantry. There he got out a bag of those cheese crunches, like Cheetos. He ran to the couch and emptied the entire bag all along the length of the couch.

Then he stripped naked and started dancing all up and down on the Cheetos-filled couch.

I had a hard time getting angry about it because I was laughing so hard. It just made no sense. I asked him why he did it and he just looked up at me, completely innocent and shrugged. He had no idea. I guess it just seemed a good idea at the time.

I mean, it drove me crazy, but, I had to admit, as performance art, it was definitely next-level stuff.”

I’m happy to report that mother, daughter, son and father all made it through the experience only a little the worse for wear. The couch mostly cleaned up and the son had a nice midnight snack between his toes for the next day or so, which made him happy.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is kids in a nutshell. Not just dain-bramaged adults, but completely alien beings, who only happen to look like chubby, little adults.

*No, it doesn’t. I lied about that, mostly just for the lulz. I mean, the idea of a giant Cheeto eating a bunch of little Cheetos and it can’t stop. . . That’s comedy gold. Too bad I didn’t actually include anything about that in the post.

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22 And 45

Now we’re talking, dudes.

Barry and I sat down at Park Road Books yesterday with the best of intentions. We’d brought along some cheese and fruit and crackers, as well as some cold drinks and ice.

Oh, and a couple of very nice pens.

On the way in, we talked to Sherri, who set us up in the back of the store right next to the kiddie books. To me, that was the perfect place because, when there was a lull in visitors, I planned to get in a little browsing.

I didn’t get much browsing time, though. All you wonderful dudes and dudettes who showed up at Park Road Books to buy a copy of A Dude’s Guide to Babies and get it signed by Barry and me were absolutely wonderful. Sherri said the store ordered 40 copies of the book and expected to sell, maybe six or so on a relatively good day.

Instead, we managed to talk people into walking away with 22 copies of the book. We truly can’t thank you enough, dudes and dudettes. You’re wonderful!

Now, once you’ve read the book, head over to amazon.com and leave a review. Good or bad, we want to hear from you.

Again, thanks to the wonderful folks at Park Road Books and Sellers Publishing for setting this up.

On to the second number.

That number is one near and dear to the heart of my young Hyper Lad. It’s the number of school days left in the school year. Poor little dude.

He’s not looking forward to today’s resumption of school. He’s feeling a little pressure. Things are getting rather hard for him, almost as if he’s hitting some sort of wall. Which sounds very, very familiar.

His brother, Sarcasmo, hit the wall near the middle of his junior year in high school. Zippy the College Boy hit the wall in the middle of eighth grade. That wall, in case you didn’t know, is something most kids who have diagnosed learning disabilities hit at some point or other.

The wall is the point at which the young dude’s native intelligence and hard work aren’t enough to overcome the difficulties posed by the learning disability. Things go from being difficult to being hard. It’s never fun to see, but I’m glad it’s something we did notice.

Now that we know it’s there, we can start to work out ways to make sure and get Hyper Lad to work with or around that learning disability. It’s not going to be fun, but it is doable.

It’s always better to face your shortcomings and find a way to deal with them, rather than ignoring them and hoping they’ll go away. A hard lesson, but one well worth learning.

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