by Richard

I think the thing I get the most kick out of during Christmas is watching my family rip off wrapping paper, confetti filling the air, and start squealing (and, yes, George of the Jungle and Zippy the Monkey Boy and Speed Racer all do squeal on occasion. But, they insist, only on occasion) for joy over what is inside. It’s great. It’s really wonderful.

It almost makes up for the hours and hours of backbreaking, bent-over, late-night heck I’ve gone through to wrap the silly presents. I’m not even going to talk about the clues I’ve written on the stickers that get ruined by Google. No, I’m all about reducing stress this year. Still, even though it seriously cuts down on my anything else time, presents have to be wrapped. Sort of.

First I need to make something clear. I never learned how to wrap. No one ever took me by the hand, or ear for that matter, and explained the intricate, arcane secrets that go into wrapping a present well. All I got were stolen looks over the shoulders of various folks who were wrapping presents for me. I quickly got shooed out of the room and didn’t really see much of the process in any case.

For the most part, my wrapping in years past looked like the random result of a drunken chimpanzee at the tail end of a three-week bender who’s been locked into a small room with a lot of boxes, enough wrapping paper to encircle the house and enough tape to fix a rip in King Kong’s pants. Things get wrapped, yeah, but it isn’t pretty. Not by a long shot.

As the years went on, though, I have gotten better. Slowly. Painfully. Which means that, now that I know (sort of) how to do it, things take a little longer and I actually take a rather perverse sense of pride in getting well-wrapped presents under the tree. Which, again, leads to a dearth of anything else time as we stumble into the season.

Well, last year, I found my salvation. Bags, dudes, bags. I love those things.

You can get present bags in all sizes and shapes. It’s wonderful. Buy a couple dozen bags, drop in the gifts, cram in some colored tissue paper (not, I hasten to add, the sort you sneeze into. I know this from experience.), tape the top shut to keep out prying fingers and eyes and you’re good to go. Just drop those puppies under the tree and you’re done. It’s easy. It’s quick. And you still get confetti filling the air, even if you have to rip up some of it yourself. And, best of all, if the present is in a bag, the little dudes won’t know from the shape of the wrapping what’s inside.

Win, win. So get to it. Tomorrow, trick number 3.

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