Tag Archives: Butt

Happy Birthday, Dad!

From one Richard Jones to another, Happy Birthday.

It’s an important day for me to celebrate, because without him getting borned, I sure wouldn’t be here at the keyboard blathering away at you dudes.

I’ve said it before and probably will again, but it is something that bears repeating: My dad is a good dude.*

He’s generous to a fault, with his time, his money and his experience.

He’s the only person I know who can whip my butt in trivia, no matter how annoying that happens to be. And it is very annoying.

Dad’s example drove me to try and get better, even if it was only so I could beat him in a game of H.O.R.S.E. or one-on-one basketball.

I’m not saying he’s perfect. Not by a long shot.

However, his good points far outweigh his bad.

A world-class orthopedic surgeon, Dad’s since retired and closed his practice, but he’s still spending his time giving folks their lives back. In addition to traveling the world to teach other doctors how to do procedures, he also takes time to fly to poor nations and work with other similarly-minded physicians to provide surgical interventions to people who otherwise would never see the inside of an operating theater and who might never be able to walk without them.

So, while I’m wishing him a happy birthday, I also wanted to thank my dad for all the good things he’s done, the good things he’s doing now and all the good he’ll do in the future.

Footnotes & Errata

* Even if he does seem to harbor some resentment for a certain wooden railing at the St. Augustin Alligator Farm and a particular laughing red macaw.

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Things I Never Thought I’d Do Or Recognize Being Done: Part 71 Of Well, A Lot

No. 71: My neighbor was washing her toilet in the front yard.

No, the shocking thing wasn’t that she was able to lift her entire toilet out of her home, carry it outside and still have it in good enough shape that she bothered to wash it out with a hose. The shocking thing was that I immediately recognized what she was doing even as I was far away, but walking toward her.

Because it wasn’t a giant, ceramic throne. It was a tiny, red plastic piece that looked just about the right size for a two-year-old butt.

Yeah, that kind of toilet, dudes.

Her youngest, a boy, is about at the end of his potty training and she wanted to make sure the toilet and receptacle inside didn’t come to define the house smell.

I immediately recognized what she was doing because I had done it so many times my self. Normally, you will wash out the training toilet inside.

Normally.

However, there are occasions or young dudes who are a bit more. . . enthusiastic . . . about using the training toilet. And these little dudes tend to leave a more. . . indelible . . . mark once they’ve passed.*

On those occasions, you’re going to need a bit more than a gentle rinse in a, hopefully clean, toilet bowl while wearing disposable rubber gloves. You’re going to need a power washing.

Even from down the street while you’re wrestling with a Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, it’s impossible to miss that bright-red shape. Once you’ve dealt with it yourself, of course.

Being a stay-at-home dad, I came face to face with that sort of incident much more often than I ever thought I would. The thing that also surprised me was that she was doing said power washing in the front yard. I had thought I was the only one who ever did that.

Buzz, The Garbage Disposal That Walks Like A Dog, and I stopped to chat for a little while. Well, more of a commiseration than a chat, but you get the idea.

Funny thing: While she was embarrassed to be cleaning the training toilet in the front yard, her boy, the proximate cause of said cleaning? He was running around, smiling and happy as can be. He couldn’t wait to show me what he’d done. Or at least describe it in detail.

No. 72: Listen with great interest as a young boy describes a massive poop. And then congratulate him.

Parenthood changes you, dudes. It really does.

Footnotes & Errata

*That wasn’t intended as a punne, or play on words, but come on. That was pretty good, dudes.

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WebMD, The iPhone And Using Both During Pregnancy

We’ll talk about the giveaway a bit more down the page. For now, I want to bring the discussion back around to my talk with Dr. Hansa Bhargava, the lead pediatrician for WebMD.

She and I conversed over the phone because she was promoting the new iPhone app from the online medical resource. It’s called WebMD Pregnancy and it’s an interesting experiment in just-in-time information management.

Bhargava said the app is a good thing to have for pregnant dudes and dudettes because, even if you don’t know what to ask or when to ask, the app gets personalized with your information and will start letting you know about developmental milestones, medical issues you should look out for and questions you need to ask when you go in for your next doctor visit.

Dr-Bhargava

“It has a lot of fun features as well as the pragmatic ones,” she said, adding that the app can be used to record things like fetal weight or size at various times in the pregnancy. “It’s also about how best to organize your life. There are checklists for many things, including what to pack for when you go to the hospital.

“What I really like as a physician is that it really helps the doctor-patient relationship in that it helps you organize your doctor’s visits. So, before you go in, you can actually take a list of questions that the app offers up. You can put down the answers and then share them with your partner.”

I’ve actually downloaded the app and been playing around with it. No, don’t worry, I’m not pregnant. Nor is my wife, known to me at this exact second as She Who Must Be Laughing Out Loud At The Mere Possibility Of That Being Mentioned. I just wanted to do a little due diligence before talking it up.

Dr. Bhargava’s right. It’s a tremendous little app. I’m quite jealous of the dudes and dudettes who get to download this free app onto their futurephones and use it to help them navigate what can be an appallingly stormy nine months.

My favorite parts of the app are the personal journal to record your thoughts and feelings as you go through pregnancy, the scheduler to keep track of appointments and places you gotta be (I think it was me who coined the phrase P.I.S. for pregnancy-induced senility because a certain someone couldn’t find her butt with two hands and a head start when she was pregnant.), and, best of all, the bump tracker. This little feature lets you take a picture each week so you can watch as the baby bump grows throughout the pregnancy. Yeah, this is the goods.

“You open up the app and it’s going to tell you information that’s relevant,” she said. “The personal journal allows you to put pictures in or record things, like what your cravings were, for example. When you felt the baby’s first kick, or something nice your partner did for you.”

So, yeah, dudes and dudettes, this is highly recommended from us here at A Dude’s Guide. . . to Everything! We like it. We like it a lot.

Now let’s talk swag. The fine folks at WebMD sent along some prime swaggins for you. There’s swaddling blankets:  SwaddleDesign Ultimate Receiving Blanket, a digital thermometer:  Vick’s Baby Rectal Thermometer, towel & washcloth:  Aden & Anais La Mer Towel & Washcloth, the most recent issue of the WebMD magazine, and more stuff from WebMD on pregnancy.

This, my friends, is a good deal. And, to win this lovely prize, all you have to do is send me an e-mail detailing — in 100 words or less — what you said when you first learned you were going to be a parent. On purpose. I’ll pick out a winner randomly and send along the goodies. You need to get the e-mail to me no later than midnight March 27. That gives you dudes a good week to get working.

You’ll also get a very special extra prize: You’ll receive a copy of A Dude’s Guide to Babies autographed personally by both Barry and me, Richard. How’s that for a great gift? Pretty darn amazing, I’m thinking. And that’s in addition to the great stuff from WebMD.

Get crackin’, dudes. Send me those e-mails. I’m waiting.

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