With school all started up again, the folks at Beloit College have come out with their annual mindset list. No, it’s got nothing to do with yoga, transcendental meditation or psychics. Basically, it’s a list of stuff designed to make sure their professors don’t go around dropping outdated pop cultural references in class that their [...]]]> by Richard

With school all started up again, the folks at Beloit College have come out with their annual mindset list. No, it’s got nothing to do with yoga, transcendental meditation or psychics. Basically, it’s a list of stuff designed to make sure their professors don’t go around dropping outdated pop cultural references in class that their students wouldn’t understand.

Like, gag me with a spoon, you know?

It’s easy to make fun of out-of-touch professors who can’t keep up with the zeitgeist (German for spirit of the times). In fact, it’s so easy, I’m not even going to get into the silliness of making this list so the professors can pretend to be up to date. Let’s just look at the list itself. That’s easy to make fun of.

This list is made with the class of 2014 in mind. That is, the kids who are entering college this year, which means most of them will have been born in 1992. Whoa. I just realized. That’s the year before Sarcasmo made his first sarcastic comment. (a snarky, sideways look. She Who Must Sometimes Misremember Because She Was Under Anesthetic disagrees, but I’m sure I saw it when I was giving him his first diaper change and he peed on me.)

Anyway. The list.

No. 1 shows us that Few in the class know how to write in cursive. I’m not so sure about this. Even Hyper Lad, who’ll be in the class of 2021, knows how to write in cursive. He doesn’t like it, and all three little dudes confess ignorance about how to read cursive, but they do know how to write it. I’m not even going to comment on the inherent contradiction there. Too silly.

Picking purely at random and not because I can think of a good joke for it: No. 12: Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry. Go ahead, make my loving and tender comment. You know, it just doesn’t have the same resonance, does it?

No. 28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day. Now this one I’ll go with, no question. None of the three little dudes wears a watch. Not only that, but I have to work with them to get them to be able to read my analog watch. They’ve got cell phones with time displays on them. So do I and, I’m sure, most of you. It’s just I feel, well, naked without a watch, I’ve been wearing one so long. Strange to think that in 20 years, the watch will be seen as a trite antique, something only the very old wear. Or maybe as jewelry. I think I’ll be selling my Seiko stock right about now.

Now, this last one really frosts me. No. 74. They’ve always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi (SYFY) Channel. You young punks don’t know how good you’ve got it. Why I had to search all over to find quality entertainment like Mansquito and all you’ve got to do is flip on the TV. Young punks.

Go ahead and check out the whole thing at http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2014.php

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This week, we’re concentrating on becoming a healthy dude. We’re three tips in on ways to stick to your exercise plan and actually lose that weight you’ve been packing on for the last couple of whiles.

Tip No. 4: This might seem a bit ritzy, but it does work. Think about investing in a trainer. You [...]]]> by Richard

This week, we’re concentrating on becoming a healthy dude. We’re three tips in on ways to stick to your exercise plan and actually lose that weight you’ve been packing on for the last couple of whiles.

Tip No. 4: This might seem a bit ritzy, but it does work. Think about investing in a trainer. You wouldn’t want to do your company taxes if you’re not a trained accountant, so why would you think that those long-ago gym classes would qualify you to design your important exercise program? Sure we all know how to throw around the weight machines, but it’s deciding what to do and when that can really help maximize your exercise benefits. A trainer is a good idea, even if it’s just for a short while to help you get started. You might not even have to pay for the help. I know the Y(MCA) where I work out has a lot of great instructors who are always ready to help. Just ask around.

Tip No. 5: Music can influence your mood and your exercise as well. I’m pretty sure most of you dudes and dudettes out there have got an iPod or some sort of MP3 player so you can listen to your tunes. Spend the time to customize a good playlist for working out. Make sure you’ve got lots of up-tempo songs to keep your mind moving as hard as your body. You’ve also got to make sure the playlist is long enough that you’re not listening to the same songs every time you do the same exercises. That gets you into a rut and that can lead to you slowing down or stopping. That’s no good. I also like to load up some videos (movies I haven’t seen yet, that kind of thing) for when I’m on the elliptical machine. I find a good movie makes the time fly by.

Tip No. 6: Get those competitive juices flowing, even if you’re just competing against yourself. This one really works for me. Try to see how long you can go without missing a scheduled workout. Don’t let anything stop you. Unless it’s something you can’t avoid. Then, once your streak gets broken, start a new one and use that one to surpass your last streak. Make sure you have more workouts in a row than your buddy. That’s always good for a laugh.

Tip No. 7: Get high. Well, in a manner of speaking. Exercise can trigger the release of dopamine and other neurotransmitters that stimulate the pleasure centers of your brain. In other words, working out can make you feel good. Which, oddly enough, will make you want to come back and do more exercise. Strange how that works, yeah? I’ve found it also works even better if you’re doing something with a friend, maybe a little something competitive. Yeah, that’s the stuff.

Back with the last three tomorrow.

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I drive around in my minivan (they’re cool) with a magnetic sign advertising the Dude’s Guide. Which means that I (often) get some very strange looks. It also means that I sometimes get into some nice conversations with strangers.

Take the other day, just for instance. I was at the local dump. We had a load [...]]]> by Richard

I drive around in my minivan (they’re cool) with a magnetic sign advertising the Dude’s Guide. Which means that I (often) get some very strange looks. It also means that I sometimes get into some nice conversations with strangers.

Take the other day, just for instance. I was at the local dump. We had a load of used-up batteries and (really) old paint cans that needed to be properly disposed of. Thus the trip to the dump. The attendent there and I got to talking about raising kids and being good parents, or at least trying to be good parents, and we discovered that we, as parents, have a secret weapon in our Loving War Against Children.

Stupidity. Yes, stupidity is our secret weapon. The enemy (and I use that term only with the greatest fondness) is stupid. And, even better, they think we’re more stupider than they are. Ah, little dudes, you make our lives fun.

See, I thought I was the only dude who, when growing up, really needed to have been given some sort of brain implant or smart injection. Looking back, it’s a miracle my parents didn’t a) give me away to the circus, b)have me shipped off to stupid school, or c) just plain kill me outright. Then I had little dudes of my own and thought I’d just passed down the stupidity gene to them. Talking to this fellow at the dump enlightened me.

We’re not alone.

What I’m talking about is this. Little dudes and dudettes will lie to parents. Everything from standing there with a baseball bat, a ball impregnated with glass shards and a broken vase shattered on the floor and denying they had anything to do with it, to saying the teacher never told them about the massive four-week project that’s due tomorrow.

Why do they do this? Two reasons. Firstly, they’re idiots and can’t think of anything more constructive to do or say. They’re not yet the very definition of grace under pressure. Secondly, and this is the fun part, they assume we parents have the mental acuity of a bag of crushed rocks and will believe anything. Thus, they believe, the simplest evasions are all that are necessary for getting by.

Now, I’m not saying my little dudes are mendacious menaces, nor are yours. They’re just little dudes. And, as kids, they will try to get away with everything. It’s our duty as parents to make sure we catch them in those little inconveniences and show them the right thing to do, in the hopes that they will someday be able to do it on their own.

We need to let them fall on their own, but we don’t have to let them hit the bottom. We catch them, and their little inconsistencies, and set them on the right path. And it helps our side immensely when the stupid gets so painful it burns.

Thus ends the rant.

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