better

Me First And The Gimmie Gimmies*

Posted on January 18, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard

When dads sit down around the campfire after a long day of herding little dudes and cleaning up after them, there’s a cautionary tale that gets told to the shivers of the listeners. It goes something like this.

There was a family with three little dudes and or dudettes. It doesn’t matter. The family was planning a vacation to somewhere warm, sandy and delightful. As they were doing the final pack up, they heard the news. At the resort, a bird who’s species is on the verge of extinction had flown into the engine of a fully loaded jet as it was coming in for a landing. The jet went down in a ball of flame, killing all on board as well as wiping out the resort and causing a fire that devastated the tiny island.

“Oh, how horrible,” said the mom.

“That’s just terrible,” said the dad as he began to unpack their suitcases.

The middle little dude looked on, aghast. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Wait,” he said. “Why are you unpacking? That doesn’t affect me, does it? Well, find something else.”

And the group around the campfire shivers, knowing the little dude just didn’t get it. All he worried about was whether or not he was going to get something. The dads hoped they were raising their little dudes to be better than that. They picked up their plates of beans and started a fart contest. Whatddya want? They’re dudes.

The problem is that little dude’s reaction wasn’t all that unusual. There’s little dudes all over the world that only care about something if it affects them, or how they want to do stuff. I may, just may, know this from personal experience. Maybe.

I’m not sure why this happens. I’m not sure how a little dude becomes so focused on himself that he sees the entire world through the lens of how it will affect him. I think, though, there are some ways to work with the non-functional-brained little dudes.

One way is the bait and switch. Offer the little dude something he or she really wants, or says he or she does, and then make it contingent on doing something nice for someone more than once. Or tell them they can’t have it. And then give it to them only after they’ve made an unprompted gesture of niceness toward another member of the family.

I think we need to make sure kids like these widen their perspective more than a little bit. Let themselves see the outside world has more to offer and needs more from the people living in it than what happens to them.

*not the band, although they’re awesome.

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Fresh Start

Posted on January 1, 2010 at 12:01 am

by Richard

All right, time to rub the sleep gunk out of your eyes and the other kinds of gunk out of other places. I’m not going to go into too much detail on that one. There are some things I just don’t need to know. And neither do you. In fact, just forget I brought it up.

Where were we? Ah, right. The fresh start inherent in the New Year.

A fresh new calendar (unless you go by the academic year with your little dudes), with all those blank pages. A chance to start over without the baggage from last year. Of course, we all know that’s fiction. Even if we wanted to forget the time we filled our neighbor’s pool with jell-o, ordered in two dozen emperor penguins and a leopard seal, chartered a helicopter and encouraged the practice, nay, the perfection of deviant sexual practices that involved said aforementioned items, you know folks just won’t let it go. Uh. Just pulling out an example at random.

So, while the real world won’t give you a completely clean slate, it will hand over a nice palimpsest for you to use. Take advantage of that. Really. If the majority of folks want to pretend a new year is a new start, why not let them? It will give you a chance to put out there the you that you want to be, not who you fear you are.

Accept people as who they are and know you can’t change them.

Allow semi-anonymous bloggers the opportunity to lecture you on any subject they choose. Although that last one might be a tad self-serving.

And, above all, forget about making any resolutions. I will, however, say that I kept my non-resolution from last year. I did not, in fact, make any resolutions. So, good on me. I’m still going to go with that one this time around.

I’ll not make any resolutions again. However, I will take the time during the year to make a thorough inventory of myself and try to find places where I can improve myself. The better I am, the better my life will be. And the same goes for you, too.

So, as the Naughty Oughties draw to a close in 2010, let’s all resolve to do no more resolving and just focus on improvement for ourselves.

If you’re so inclined, why not leave a comment talking about how you’re planning, not resolving, to improve some part of your life.

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Amateur Night

Posted on December 31, 2009 at 12:01 am

by Richard

This is a night best avoided if at all possible. I don’t mean the night itself, just the drunken, silly, stupid, drunken, obnoxious, swinging-from-the-naked-lights, drunken, hilarity of it all. It’s New Year’s Eve and, as the serious drunks are wont to say, it’s no night for amateurs. Leave the drinking to the professionals.

Yes, I know, seriously dark humor about far too many touchy topics. Eh. Deal.

Seriously, though, for a lot of people, New Year’s Eve represents a night where people give themselves permission to drink more than they’ve ever done before and really allow the obnoxious part of themselves free reign. Hey, it’s New Year’s Eve, everybody does it.

Well, I’m here to tell you, it’s not cool. Not nearly cool.

Sure we all want you to have a good time, but not too much, if you know what I mean.

No one wants drunken drivers infesting the road, although there will be far, far too many. No one wants to be trapped at a party by the drunken dude who can’t remember what he said 17 seconds ago, but still has an extremely important point about the nature of the universe to drool at you, if only you’d stop doubling up and he could get the spaghetti out of his mouth and talk normally.

Don’t be that dude.

If you’re going out there tonight, make sure you pick a designated driver. And make sure the designated driver is someone who will, actually, abstain from drinking. Or, if you don’t want to do that, pop for the cab fare. What’s cheaper: some cab fare of the lawyer’s bills and court costs and damage to your reputation with a DUI? I think we know the answer to that question.

Seriously. Be safe.

This is Richard, bidding you a fond farewell and saying good-bye to 2009. Here’s hoping 2010, the last year of the decade (don’t get me started), will be even better for all of us.

stepping down off soapbox for now

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