The More Things Change. . .

Richard — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:01:27 +0000

Some things, it seems, never will change. Take my middle little dude, just as a for instance. Zippy the monkey boy got his name because, as a little little dude, he would climb anything he saw. I mean anything. Couches, legs, counters, trees, fences, cars. Seriously. Anything.

I’d thought that as he grew older (he’s now approaching his 15th birthday) he just might have grown out of it. Turns out I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

When we were at the beach for our family vacation last month, Zippy and I parted ways after the deep-sea fishing trip. He stayed behind to eat lunch with some of the cousins his own age, while I headed into town for a little shopping. What can I say? That’s how I roll.

Anyway, he headed home with the cousins to an empty condo. There was no one home. To top it off, the front and back doors were locked and, he said, he couldn’t find any way in.

So, what did he do? Did he decide to stay with the cousins? Did he ask an adult for help? No. Of course not.

He reverted to type.

Zippy the monkey boy decided to climb up the outside of the condo to the second-story balcony, clamber over the iron railing and then open the sliding-glass door to get inside. Luckily, the sliding-glass door was unlocked and he got in without incident.

Here’s an artist’s conception of Zippy the monkey boy getting into the empty condo.

Considering the artist has never met Zippy, well, let’s just say it’s a pretty good likeness.

– Richard

Tags: 15th Birthday, A Dude's Guide to Life, Adult, Back Doors, Balcony, birthday, cars, Chimp, Chimpanzee, Clamber, Conception, Couches, Cousins, Deep Sea Fishing, dude, family, Family Vacation, Fences, Fishing Trip, height, Iron Railing, Legs, Likeness, little dude, lunch, Monkey Boy, old, richard, shopping, Sliding Glass Door, story, Story Balcony, tan, Trees, vacation

Batman

Richard — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 05:01:34 +0000

With apologies to WKRP‘s Mr. Carlson, “As God is my witness, I thought Batman could fly.” I realize this might come as a shock to some, but, when I was young, I had a somewhat active imagination and love of super heroes. All of which lead to me standing on a hospital balcony a couple of stories above the ground, wearing my Batman cape and getting ready to take a fly around the neighborhood.

So who says imagination is a good thing?

My parents, good hippie-wannabes that they were, always encouraged my to have my imagination run wild. To that end, I was parked in front of a flickering television screen that was topped by foil-wrapped rabbit ears and allowed to watch whatever I wanted. Yeah, I know. A bit contradictory, but that was the 60′s and early 70′s. I especially loved shows like Batman, Shazam and (FSM knows why) the Beverly Hillbillies, but I had to have something special for each one.

To watch Batman, I had to have a black cape to wear so I could blend into the night, or, really, just let it flutter behind me as I raced around the house screaming, “Pow! Bam.” To watch Shazam (in which young Billy Batson said a magic word and transformed into the world’s mightiest mortal, Captain Marvel), I had to have a special ring that would let me change as well. And to watch the Beverly Hillbillies I had to have an old-fashioned (not real) rifle. Go ahead, say it. Yes, I was a strange little dude. So I guess not much has changed. Except for the little part.

Anyway, my grandmother (who, thank FSM, is still with us) made me the Batman cape and it was something I just couldn’t do without for years and years. I even had it when I went into the hospital. I’m still not sure why I was in the hospital, maybe tonsils getting removed, nothing very tragic, I’m sure. So I was in my room, there was a window right there and I thought, “I’ve got my cape. I might as well fly around and get a look at the place. I mean, from this height, surely I’ll be able to achieve lift off. After all, I am Batman.”

It was the nurse who found me. I had just managed to get my 5-year-old legs up over the railing and was getting ready to take off when she grabbed me. I looked at her like she was crazy. She looked at me just the same way. I couldn’t understand why she would stop me from taking off when everyone knew Batman could fly and, of course, I was Batman. She couldn’t understand why anyone had kids or why she actually went into pediatric nursing in the first place.

Eventually we both calmed down and she got me to promise I wouldn’t try to fly if my parents weren’t there to see it. I guess she figured it would be best to pass the Bat-buck that way. My mom, unfortunately, wasn’t any easier to convince about the whole flying thing when she came back from the cafeteria.

I bring this up because the other day I was cleaning out the middle little dude’s closet and came across his Batman cape. Of course, for him it was a vampire cape that let him change into a wolf and a bat, but the principle was the same. He hadn’t worn it in, maybe six or seven years, but it was still hanging in his closet, gently collecting dust. I made sure to wrap it up and put it in a safe, well-labled place in the attic. After all, you never know when you’ll need the services of an overactice little dude wearing just the right kind of cape.

– Richard

Tags: A Dude's Guide to Life, Active Imagination, Apologies, Balcony, Bam, Batman, Beverly Hillbillies, Billy Batson, Captain Marvel, clean, cleaning, dude, Dude's, Fly, Fsm, Grandmother, hate, Hippie, hospital, Imagination, kids, love, Magic Word, Man, marvel, mom, Mr Carlson, Neighborhood, old, parents, Pow, Principle, Promise, Rabbit, Rabbit Ears, Shazam, Super Hero, Super Heroes, Television, Television Screen, Tonsils, Vampire, Witness, Wolf, young

A Dude's Guide » Balcony

The More Things Change. . .

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