Tag Archives: Adult

Preaching To The Choir

This is a special, one might almost say wonderful, day. You see, there’s a preacher down in Grapevine, TX, (near my old stomping grounds) who’s offering advice. He wants married couples to have sex every day, starting today.

Hands up, all the husbands and wives who think this is a great idea. (Sorry, hard to type with one hand in the air) And, by the way, I’m going to skip all the easy jokes about how men never have enough sex.*

Ed Harris, senior pastor of the Fellowship Church in Grapevine, which is a huge mega-church of the sort really only found in Texas and one which has about 20,000 people come to worship each Sunday, is, of course, absolutely wrong. At least in my opinion. I’m of the belief that sex should only take place between mature, consenting adults, with or without a marriage license. (Again, only my opinion. [But I’m right.]) Still, Harris did come up with a good idea anyway. See, Harris said he thinks marriage is the only right place for sex. That is, if you’re not married, you shouldn’t be having sex. So, he said, to celebrate the joys of marriage, he wants married couples to have sex every day for a week.

Now, if we accept his premise that marriage is the only place for sex, this basically amounts to him rubbing it into the faces of those people who are single. “Neener, neener, neener. Look at us! We can have sex and you can’t. Ha, ha, ha.” Or something like that. If we don’t accept his premise, well, it’s still a good idea.

My wife, known to me as She Who Knows What She’s Talking About, is a partner in a Charlotte sexual health and education clinic. When I told her about this story, she said no matter the cause, she thinks the effect is a great idea. Making appointments for sex and then keeping these appointments can work to help a couple increase their intimacy and that’s always a good idea. Now if she’d only take her own advice.**

So, dear reader dudes, let’s (partially) listen to the man of God and start making those appointments. Doctor’s orders.

— Richard

* That part is probably a lie.

** See? I lied. Sorry.

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The Shower From Heck

No adult should ever have to try and get clean in a shower that belongs almost exclusively to a teenage boy. Just. Really. Trust me on this one, it’s not right in the least.

I and my wife, known to some as She Who Must Take Two Showers A Day Or You Will Be Forced To Bear Her Wrath, are having some work done on our shower. Our beautiful, beautiful clean and open shower. While we’re kicked out of our shower, we’re having to use the shower normally used by our oldest little dude. It has not been going well.

Firstly, that shower is just plain small. I don’t know how the kid, who’s now taller than I am, has been showering in this thing for as long as he has. Probably something like a snail. After a while, the tight confines become comforting. I don’t know, but I’m just not used to standing in a shower in which I can touch all the walls at the same time without even fully extending my arms. No more joint showers for us for a while.

Second, while I keep that bathroom clean, I’m learning there are different values for clean. And not all of them are acceptable. Like, say, the little presents left in the toilet. Almost every other day, despite that we’re now making him do 15 pushups for each present. Not right. Not right. I was the towels every other week, but I don’t see how he makes it that long. He tosses his towl into a corner and lets it molder until he needs it again, the semi-dry mess.

Finally, there’s just plain walking into his room. I get the hives whenever I see the mess there and, considering how I grew up and still am, that’s saying something.

All in all, I really recommend that if you don’t have access to your own shower for a while, just go without. Really, you’ll probably smell pretty bad, but your psyche will thank you for it. I’m going to have nightmares for weeks.

— Richard

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