Turns out it’s quantity, not quality when it comes to sleep. Well, it is for older people, if they want to keep their minds working at something approaching a place where they can just barely make out efficiency. (Is it wrong of me to make fun of old people when I’ll so very soon [...]]]> by Richard

Turns out it’s quantity, not quality when it comes to sleep. Well, it is for older people, if they want to keep their minds working at something approaching a place where they can just barely make out efficiency. (Is it wrong of me to make fun of old people when I’ll so very soon be one of them?) (No. No it is not.)

Anyway.

Scientists have been doing a little investigating again. Pushing back the curtain on reality. Finding out those things man was not meant to know. Or, you know, trying to find some way to spend all that grant money. Your choice.

What they came up with this time is that it’s the quantity of time sleeping that helps to make sure older brains are actually working well the next morning. However, said psychologist Sean Drummond of the University of California, San Diego, for those with younger brains, it’s more the quality of sleep that determines if they’re going to be drooling the next day.

Older adults who had slept for more total time the previous night were able to more accurately remember a list of random nouns than older adults who had slept fewer hours. What’s more, regions of the brain important for learning and memory showed higher activation in fMRI experiments in older adults who had slept more hours.

Sleep quality seemed to have no effect on performance, Drummond said. “For older adults, the absolute minutes of sleep they got last night has a significant influence on performance today,” he said.

Remember what I said about the younger folks needing quality, not quantity? Yeah.

. . . in younger folks, the quality of sleep, and not the total amount, affected memory the next day, Drummond found. Young adults who slept in consolidated chunks performed better and had higher brain activity in certain regions than those who woke up frequently during the night, regardless of total minutes slept.

“Sleep last night does impact performance and brain function today, and it does so differently depending on whether you’re in your mid-20s versus your mid-60s,” he said. “Older adults need to get a certain amount of sleep. Young adults need to get that sleep in a consolidated chunk.”

So what, really, does that mean. After all, everyone knows that as we get older, people get less and less sleep. Which could account for Granny nodding off into her hot toddy around 5 the next afternoon. Well, that and the four toddies previous. Kidding aside, not so fast. Turns out what everybody knows isn’t actually so. Shocking.

Contrary to common beliefs, older adults don’t sleep substantially less than younger adults. From age 35 to 85, people really lose only about an hour of nightly sleep, psychologist Sean Drummond of the University of California, San Diego said at the meeting. Rather, the thing that changes is something called sleep efficiency — a measure of the portion of time spent tossing, turning or lying awake in bed. “The biggest, most common, most robust change is that we spend more time awake in the middle of the night,” Drummond said.

The good news, Drummond said, is that disrupted sleep among the elderly is not harmful in and of itself. Rather, it’s the actual minutes of sleep that need to be watched. Tuning sleep quantity may be a way to prevent common cognitive decline that happens as people age, he said.

You know, I think I’m going to start using this right now. The next time my wife, known to me as She Who Couldn’t Let A Perfectly Good Weekend Go To Waste By Actually Letting Me Enjoy Myself, tries to wake me up early, I’m going to mutter something about needing sleep for my brain to work. Of course, then I’ll get dumped out of the bed onto the hard wood floor, but it’ll be worth a try.

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How to tell if you’re old, tip number 1: If you go to a concert and there’s nubile young girls and strapping young men crowd surfing and all you can think about it the potential for injury. . . You might be a wrinkled neck.

So, yes, here I am to tell you that I [...]]]> by Richard

How to tell if you’re old, tip number 1: If you go to a concert and there’s nubile young girls and strapping young men crowd surfing and all you can think about it the potential for injury. . . You might be a wrinkled neck.

So, yes, here I am to tell you that I survived taking George of the Jungle and Zippy the Monkey Boy to see an alternative music concert in a bar in the uptown section of Charlotte. The band was Cage the Elephant (hence the name of the post), an alt rock combo probably best known for their hit single Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked. I’ll not get into an actual review of the concert. Suffice to say it was loud, long and quite a lot of fun. If you, that is the adult dudes and dudettes out there, get a chance to go see them, you ought to do so. If only to prove to yourself you’re not too old to enjoy some new things.

Of course, once you get there and notice that you’re probably the oldest person in the room, with the possible exception of that older lady with the coke-bottle glasses and ’80s hairstyle slouched at the back bar muttering something about how it’s not fair that gravity still works on those over 40 and glaring at all the pert, young teenyboppers bopping by, well, you might change your mind. Not that I would know anything about that. No. Not at all.

Okay, yes, I know all about that. Anyway.

We were going to go as a dudes’ night out, but Speed Racer punked out at the last minute. To be fair, at 10 he probably would be a bit too young, but he also has been having some dental issues. One tooth fell out the day of the concert and another was threatening to do the same. So he stayed behind with his mom.

The three of us left were chatting loudly and looking forward to a good time. We were able to find the venue with relative ease and the younger dudes were looking forward to being inside their first bar. The first bump in the road came when we were giving our tickets to the bouncers. George of the Jungle had, tucked under his arms, two 700-page books. He was planning to bring them in and read before — and probably during — the concert. My shriveled, blackened soul was offended in many many ways, so I sent him back to the car to drop off the reading material while the bouncers shared a quiet chuckle between themselves.

And then we stepped inside and saw. . . Well, I see we’ve run out of time or space for today. I’ll be back tomorrow with more on our thrilling adventure into the land of tattoos, piercings and drunks.

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I’ll admit it. I was more than a little shellshocked when I was first left in charge of the little dudes (including a month-old Speed Racer, who didn’t actually race anywhere) while my wife, known to me as She Who Must Work, Work, Work And What Did You Do All Day?, went off to [...]]]> by Richard

I’ll admit it. I was more than a little shellshocked when I was first left in charge of the little dudes (including a month-old Speed Racer, who didn’t actually race anywhere) while my wife, known to me as She Who Must Work, Work, Work And What Did You Do All Day?, went off to her first day of work here in Charlotte. I hadn’t had much sleep the night before and barely made it to the older little dudes’ school on time. Things were not looking good.

Still, time does make us proficient in some things. I got better at taking care of the little dudes, but I was still overjoyed when Speed Racer (now very much living up to his nickname) was old enough to go to pre-school. Finally, a couple of hours off every other day or so. It was nirvana. I got a nap, got some work done, all that fun stuff. Oh, yeah, and Speed Racer got acculturated to other kids, being away from me and learned something. Can’t forget that.

Fortunately, we had a good pre-school that delivered on most of our wants and all of our needs. How did we do that? By following a few simple suggestions, which I will now continue to give you. The first part of this list is here.

6. While cleanliness might not be next to godliness, it’s a darned sight closer to it than, say, soiled diapers on the floor and a miasma of stink pervading every surface. With the swine flu flying around (Get it? Pigs flying? ah, never mind), it’s more important than ever that the school you choose is kept clean and kids disinfectant needs are met. Remember: Most little dudes are walking snot factories. It can get ugly if not taken care of.

7. Make sure the pre-school’s beginning and end times work with your little dudette’s nap schedule. Really, this is only important at the beginning of a school year, but it can make you miserable when schedules don’t mesh, even if only for a month or so. After that, more than likely, your little dude will have acclimated to his new schedule.

8. Does the school offer a good selection of art on the walls for visitors? That is, does it look like the teacher did the work, or the student? This is an important point as it tells you something about how the school operates. If the artwork is little dude done, you can see that the pre-school is concerned with making sure its charges do things for themselves and really learn it. Teacher work, well, that just shows the school wants to have something nice to give parents. If you want a present, go buy one for yourself.

9. Potty training doesn’t end at home. Most schools have a potty training policy starting at certain ages. You need to make sure and find out when that policy kicks in. That is, the little dudes won’t be allowed to participate in class beyond a certain age if they’re not potty trained. Is your little dudette ready for that? And, heaven forfend, what happens if the little dude has an accident? Or two? Or twelve? It’s important to know these sorts of policies beforehand so you can be ready.

10. Little dudes and dudettes will not always do the right thing. No matter what a snuggle-bunny sweetheart your little dudette is, chances are sometimes she will do things he wants to do and not what an adult wants her to do. When this happens at school, there’s going to be a consequence. You need to find out what the pre-school’s discipline program involves. Are you comfortable with what it entails? If not, can you opt out of certain consequences? It’s important to know.

We’ll be back with the final five tomorrow.

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