Tag Archives: 80s

Through A Glass Dark(Green)ly

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Unless it’s directed at you because you’re walking into an event with two smokin’ hot ladies on your arm.

And by you I mean me and by two smokin’ hot ladies, I mean my wife, known to me as She Who Must Be Shown Off Every Once In A While, and her friend, the Sultry Siren.

It was an entrance for the ages.

Both ladies were dolled up, dressed to the nines, with hair swept up and styled just so. Dresses tight in just the right places, and flowing along suggestively suggested lines. High heels accentuating the well-toned calves in every leg.

Provided you didn’t look in the middle of that particular grouping, you’d probably have your eyes dazzled by the pure, raw sensuality they were pumping out.

The middle being me, of course. Now, I didn’t look bad, understand. I looked pretty good — for me — in my tux, wearing a shocked, disbelieving grin as I kept looking side to side. Still, I was all right. The ladies on my arms. . . Another story all together.

I wasn’t the only person who looked either. I noticed a lot of men glancing our way, looking away, then shooting another glance at us, their eyes slightly greener as they imagined how much better they would look if they were sandwiched between the two smokin’ hot ladies.

What they didn’t know was that they couldn’t have pried my arms out of theirs with a crow bar, three elephants, a camel and one very stubborn platypus. (Which, as you know, are quite stubborn.)

As disappointed as I was that I had to give up two very nice tickets to the off-Broadway production of Sleeping Beauty, I had to feel that I’d received the better end of the deal by going to the March of Dimes Signature Chef’s Auction. Unfortunately, no, the March of Dimes wasn’t auctioning off the chefs.

Instead, the chefs each prepared a single dish and then we, the attendees, would wander throughout the high-toned feeding trough, getting a slice of awesome at each stop. In addition to the food, there were about 50 different silent auction pieces, and another live auction.

Each item or service auctioned off goes to benefit the March of Dimes and that organization’s efforts to help every mother carry her pregnancy to term, and providing care and treatment for children born too soon or with congenital defects. They are, to put it mildly, a pretty fantastic organization.

So when I had the opportunity to dress up, slink out for a night on the town with She Who Must Be Seen To Be Believed and the Sultry Siren, there was no way I was going to pass that up.

Being the object of many, many jealous glares was just icing on the cake. And I love icing.

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Bad Decisions Have Lasting Consequences

I’ve lost my hear so many different ways.

I’ve told kids I lost my hair because I put fun colors in it and all the hair fell out. I’ve told them that I played with fireworks and it all got burned off. I’ve told them I wore hats too much and it all fell out. Basically, if I want to mess with a little dude, I’ll tell him that whatever he’s doing is what caused my hair to fall out.

Sure it’s a cheap laugh, but I’ll take them when I can get them.

This, though, isn’t about how I lost my hair, but about what I did with it before I lost it.

I was talking with some of the fourth-graders in Ms. S’s class at Awesome Elementary School. We were discussing how characters in books can sometimes make bad decisions and how those bad decisions can have an effect on the character down the line. It was a prelude to talking to them about how we all, in our real lives, can make bad decisions that, at the time, seem like good ideas.

Which is when I brought up the high-school ‘fro. That I wore. Every summer during high school.

high-school 'fro

Yeah, that’s me over there on the right from when I was in high school. No, my hair didn’t do that on its own. That, dudes, is the result of many hours in a beauty salon, praying that no one I knew walked in while I was wearing all those many, many curlers.

What can I say? It was the very early ’80s. I thought it looked good.

The kids could barely believe that this was a picture of me. One of the dudes looked at the picture and said, “Is that you, Mr. Jones. You look so . . . ” At which point Ms. S broke in and said, “I think you were going to say different. Right?”

Yeah, sure. I have a feeling he was going to say something much, well, different than different.

And now that it’s too late, there’s nothing I can do to make that bad decision into a good decision. ‘S what I meant about how bad decisions can stick with us for long after we make those decisions.

So, dudes, think before you try to get all hip looking. Think before you try out that hair style you saw in the teen magazine. Remember, you’re old. You have children. Do you really want to explain why you looked like that when they get older?

Beware the high-school ‘fro!

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Sunday Serenade: Vacation

by Richard

The Go-go’s were the quintessential ’80s girl band.

Fronted by Belinda Carlyle, the Go-go’s were a hopping band that traded only a little on the beauty behind the instruments. Since I’m so close to getting that vacation I really need I thought I’d give you dudes a little vacation of our own.

So, here, with no more doo-doo further ado, are the Go-go’s and “Vacation.”


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