I so dearly want to go to Seattle. I think the people there must be absolutely insane.
Why, you ask?
I’ll tell you. Because Phoenix Jones, Guardian of Seattle. That’s why.
Phoenix Jones, Guardian of Seattle (who’s legally required to use his entire name or risk a lawsuit from the band, Phoenix Jones) is a Real Life Super Hero. He likes to dress up as a super hero and go out and fight crime. And, last week, he really did it. Maybe.
According to a report from KIRO TV, Phoenix Jones, Guardian of Seattle, came running up the street and managed to fight/frighten off a carjacker, saving some guy named Dan.
It’s a victory for (Phoenix) Jones (Guardian of Seattle), who claimed in an interview to have been motivated to fight crime when his car was broken into at a water park. On the scale of origin stories, that’s notquite as dramatic as, say, being rocketed to Earth from your exploding home planet, but it does have the benefit of leaving a souvenir: a jar of broken glass that he keeps to this day, presumably next to whatever Seattle’s versions of a giant penny and a robotic Tyrannosaurus Rex are.
As to where Phoenix Jones, Guardian of Seattle keeps these things, that’s the best part: He has a secret headquarters located in a hidden room at a comic book store.
I know. How frakkin’ awesome is this?
Just something for you dudes to mull over as I’m acclimating to Vegas. I mean, if you’re ever bored and have had the (so far) suppressed desire to dress up in spandex and latex and go strolling down the street, well, if Phoenix Jones, Guardian of Seattle can do it. . .