Category Archives: A Dude’s Guide to Pregnancy

Touchy Feely

What is it about pregnant women that makes most of us feel like we have the right to just come up to them and start rubbing on their bellies?

No, seriously.

I saw something like that the other day and it got me started thinking about it. I was in the library when a very, very pregnant woman came inside near where I was sitting. She greeted another woman, but you could tell from their stances that they weren’t actually close friends. There was a definite, visible reserve there.

The non-pregnant woman then pulled her youngish dude (maybe six or seven years old) over to them and just thrust his hand onto the pregnant lady’s belly. She was shocked. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open a bit, but the non-pregnant mom and her son were completely oblivious to the pregnant woman’s distress. They then said good-bye and moved on.

The pregnant woman just stood there for a little while before shaking her head and moving on.

From experience, being around a pregnant woman for a long, long time on three separate occasions, I’ve seen this happen again and again. People would walk up to She Who Must Be Given Her Space and, with the barest of pauses to get any kind of permission, start fondling her belly.

Is a pregnant woman’s belly community property or something?

I really don’t think so. But there’s something in our culture that says pregnant women get to endure this unique form of annoyance.

I know it’s a wonderful thing, a wanted pregnancy that’s going to produce a wanted, loved child. Many pregnant woman do have almost a glow about them from their healthy bodies and their excitement about the growing life (when they’re not suffering from hemorrhoids or swollen ankles) and most people do want to share in that kind of joy. It makes us feel good.

But, seriously, dudes and (mostly) dudettes. Don’t just automatically assume that a pregnant woman wants you to feel up her belly, just because she’s showing. And if you just can’t help yourself, ask for permission first and actually — I know this is a bit out there, but go with me here on this one — wait for permission before you get all touchy feely.

I know I’m not talking to the dudes out there all that much on this one, because we’ve been pretty much conditioned against just randomly touching people we meet in the street. Still, I’d like to see a little thought here, folks. It actually is her pregnancy, not ours.

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The Pregnant Dude

All right, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Have any of you heard of Thomas Beatie? He’s the dude from England who’s getting ready to have a baby this month. No, I mean he’s the dude having the baby. He is the one who’s pregnant. No, I am not kidding.

Okay, I’m kidding a little bit. Beatie used to be a man until about ten years ago when he had gender reassignment surgery. However, when he had the surgery, he kept his ovaries and uterus so he could — if he wanted — have children. He wanted to and he is. Dude, it’s one wild world in which we live.

So, here’s my question to you: If it were possible for dudes to carry babies, would you? Would you be willing to waddle around for nine months full of mood swings and strange cravings? If you and your spouse were given a choice, how would you have decided who got to have the dude or dudette?

I know it wouldn’t have been me. Seriously. I have almost no tolerance for pain. Well, all right, actually my tolerance for pain is pretty high, but that’s my tolerance for other people’s pain. Not my own. It amazes me that women will willingly go through what they do to have babies, especially given that I’ve seen numerous births. Yikes!

What do you think?

— Richard

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“Craffing” (c)

What do you call it when your kids crys and laughs at the same time? “Craffing” (c)

Next time your little one gets dinged up and the flood gates open, give them a hug and sneak up under their shirt and start tickling away. The sound you get is absolutely amazing.

Craffing is something absolutely hysterical. If you have not learned this little trick to turn that frown upside down I suggest you master this immediately.

Dude! you should practice on your wife tonight. (I mean just the tickling part, don’t make her cry first!)

– Barry
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