A Dude's Guide. . . to everything

Put A Little Love In Your Life

Yes, dudes, it’s Valentine’s Day. I sure hope you have already purchased/made/found the right gift for your loved one, the gift that says exactly how you feel and will be accurately understood as such.

And, yes, I also know that Valentine’s Day is a creepily commercial holiday designed to force people to spend unFSMly amounts of money on chocolate and flowers and cards and gifts and all that stuff just so they can say they love/like/don’t actively plot to kill someone.

So, yes, I did go out and buy stuff for She Who Must Be Made Aware Of My Undimmed Ardor. Yes, we did purchase cards to send to children, nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, parents, step-parents and all like that.

Sure there should  be a boycott of the whole silly thing, but, brother, I ain’t the dude to lead that futile bit of fluff which will, ultimately, only make its leaders look like idiots.

Even with the commercial aspect of all this. . . You know what? I really don’t mind it.

You can and should tell your loved ones every single day that you do love them, that they mean the world to you and you would hardly be able to go on without them. Or words to that effect. That’s something that every right-thinking individual should do on a more-than-daily basis.

But that sometimes doesn’t happen. I think it’s nice that there’s a day set aside for love. A day designed (in theory) explicitly to make it easier to express the love we feel toward another person.

That and I love getting chocolates. So there’s that.

Of course, I think the whole thing has become overblown to an appalling extent, but that’s what happens with most things in America that stand a small chance of actually making some company somewhere some amount of money. More hoopla, more money. It’s the way it goes.

Which doesn’t mean it’s all wrong.

So, whether or not you’ve bought into the prevailing zeitgeist and purchased something big and expensive or simply took the time to walk up behind your loved one and wrap an arm around his/her shoulders and whisper that she/he is loved, enjoy it.

Realize that love, however and wherever you find it, is a rare and precious thing that should always be celebrated. Even if it means you have to dress in silk underwear with red hearts printed on it.

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Dating Like A Teenager

by Richard

I’ve got a theory about dating. Yeah, dudes, I know. I haven’t been dating for more than two decades, but that doesn’t mean I can’t think about it.*

This all came out of a discussion with Pitt and Mike, a couple of friends of mine who are a) on the way to getting divorced and b) long divorced. Both men are back in the dating pool and have joined several meet-up groups. The problem is they keep meeting up with women who — to the perception of Pitt and Mike (and me as well, when I get the skinny on the dates) — keep acting like they were in high school.

These ladies will tell someone else to tell someone else that they like a certain someone. Even in this age and day of enlightenment and equality, Pitt said, one lady told him (paraphrasing closely), “If I do on a date, there’s no way I’m paying a dime. That’s the guy’s job.” And this was a woman with a good job who was doing well.

It’s a lot of back and forth with a lot of the behavior trending toward immaturity. That’s when I had a flash of insight. What I think happens to people who get married is that their dating styles and expectations freeze where they were when the stopped dating.

Their dating acumen ends as soon as they get married. Sure, they might go on dates with their spouses, but it’s not the same as meeting a stranger, feeling them out (not up) and then deciding if you want to spend time with them. So their dating acumen is stuck at wherever it was when they got married.

If they married in college, they (and I’m talking dudes and dudettes here) will tend to see dating through the lens of a college student. What was acceptable then is so now. What didn’t pass muster then, doesn’t do it today.

I really think this is what’s going on. And not just with the ladies Pitt and Mike are dating, either. Although I didn’t mention that to them when we were talking. (Here’s hoping they don’t read the blog.) I get the feeling this is a cross-gender issue.

Of course, having identified the problem, I’m not sure there is anything that can be done about it. Unless, you, the dude or dudette reading this is, in fact, one of those who married young and is recently divorced. Then you could take a look at your own behavior and see what you can do to drag your dating self up to your actual age.

Or, if you’re going out with someone like this, just realize what’s going on and make allowances.

I’m just glad I’m not out there having to start dating all over again. I’m not sure if my body could hold up to an endless round of keggers and pizza. Still, that’s what you’re supposed to do on a date, right?

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Maybe If You Hum A Few Bars? Now Hum Lower. . . Lower. . .

by Richard

It turns out that music in the bedroom can actually lead some to feel more amorous, more inclined to actually get a little dirty, dancing there in the sheets.

You see what I did there? That was a little neurolinguistic programming there, getting you dudes set up for the bad news.

Brace yourselves. Ready? You’re sure? Okay, here it is.

According to a survey commissioned by the online music service Spotify, the most arousing music to play in the bedroom is the soundtrack to the 80′s movie Dirty Dancing.

Yeah. I know. I’m having a real hard time getting over that knowledge myself.

 

“Dirty Dancing” was the top pick for both men and women, although the study’s author, music psychologist Daniel Mullensiefen, also pointed out that men are more willing to adjust their tastes in music in order to ensure “greater success in the bedroom.”

Good on you, dudes. Rather than show a little spine, you’ll wimp out and let the lady play the music she wants to hear all so you can do a little sheet romp. Okay, yeah. I understand that’s important, but the question I’ve got is. . . What are you doing with anyone who thinks Dirty Dancing is a good movie?

Another surprise finding? Respondents said music playing in the background is 40% more likely to turn them on than the touch or feel of their partner.

Rather not listen to “Will You Love Me Tomorrow” during sex? Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” placed second on the list, with Ravel’s “Bolero” finishing third.

So, yes, we like music. Some of us like it a lot. But this? Music that’s better than sex? No. Sorry. Maybe an entire concert with your best friends, with your favorite band playing the best songs ever, might, maybe, possibly approach within shouting distance. But better? No. Especially not these songs.

One in three participants identified Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” as a song that is “better than sex.” Next on the list was “Sex on Fire” by Kings of Leon and “Angels” by Robbie Williams. Mullensiefen describes these as songs that take unexpected turns that we respond to in highly emotional, but positive, ways.

The study interviewed 2,000 people in the United Kingdom between the ages of 18 and 91, with an almost equal gender split.

Those folks need to really rethink their priorities.

Meanwhile, I’m going to do a little changing around on my “special” playlist, you know, the one I play when I’m with She Who Must Be Seeing Dirty Dancing At Least Once A Year.

Not my fault. I didn’t find out about this horrible thing until much later into the marriage. By then it was too late.

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