All posts by Richard

Sing Along

When I was growing up, my mom used to sing me all sorts of nursery rhymes and kiddie songs. Unfortunately, when I got older, I completely forgot all those things. I was terrible at singing nonsense songs and nursery rhymes to my little dudes. I knew, however, that I wanted my little dudes to remember their dad singing (badly) as they went to sleep so I went with what I knew. My little dudes learned to sleep to Jimmy Buffett’s A Pirate Looks at 40 and Nautical Wheelers It was what I knew. Even now, when my oldest little dude is 14, he still gets sleepy when he hears either of those songs.

Dude!, that’s my advice, go with what you know and what you love and your dudes and dudettes will enjoy it.

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A good cliché

A cliché becomes a cliché because it starts as a truth. Last night I went in and just looked at my middle son — the same 13-year-old who spent the day talking back, teasing his younger brother and generally making a pain out of himself. He fought against brushing his teeth, taking a shower and going to bed. All in all, not a fun evening.

Eventually, however, he finally dropped off to sleep, with his hugely fat cat sleeping on their pillow. I padded into the room and just stared at that innocent face, so guileless and so much younger in sleep. Silently, I reached out and brushed a lock of the cat’s hair from my son’s face.

All the irritation of the day dropped away and I could breathe again, knowing I loved him. So, a good cliché. It let him live, because when I snuck in to that room, I had planned to put my hands around his throat. Looking back, I’m glad I felt the love.

Dude! I’m too pretty for prison.

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When You Get Her Pregnant, You Are On “Double-Secret Probation”

Obviously, the first thing you’re going to want to do when you find out you are pregnant is shout to the heavens about your mighty seed finding purchase, but that’s really not the best thing you can do.
You see, more than 30 percent of pregnancies end in a miscarriage during the first trimester. Up to 80 percent of all miscarriages occur in the first trimester. (Pregnancies are divided into first, second and third trimesters, each lasting three months.) After the first trimester, if everything’s going fine with the baby and the mom, it’s a lot less likely that there will be a miscarriage. Which is why obstetricians (doctors who deal with pregnancy and childbirth) often recommend that you not tell anyone about the pregnancy until after the first trimester.

The reason’s pretty simple. Losing a pregnancy can be pretty traumatic for both the mother and the father and, if they’re like most people, they’ll want to grieve in private. Imagine that you’ve already told everyone you know that you’re going to have a baby. Now imagine the worst happens and she miscarries. After that, imagine having to call everyone who you just told about the baby and having to tell them that the baby died.

No. Not fun at all.

And besides, isn’t it exciting to have a secret that only the two of you know? Being able to drop little hints into conversation that no one but she will get? You betcha.
Sherlock Holmes or Inspector Clouseau

Two famous, fictional detectives with wildly different styles. Holmes knew everything. Clouseau knew nothing. During the pregnancy, you’re going to get a choice: Do you want to be Holmes or Clouseau?

Around the 17th week of the pregnancy, the obstetrician is going to perform an ultrasound. That’s where the doctor or a technician in the doctor’s office will use sound waves to look at the baby and make sure it’s developing correctly. At that time, the doctor also should be able to tell if the baby is a boy or a girl. Unless the little darling is being unusually shy that day.

You will be asked whether or not you want to know the sex of your child. We suggest you talk this over with your wife or girlfriend well before the ultrasound appointment as it’s not really the sort of thing you want to be deciding on the spur of the moment.

I’m of the better off not knowing school, myself. I planned on all my kids being healthy and my wife being healthy during the pregnancy and delivery. I figured that after all that hard work (and delivering a baby is hard work) we’d want a nice little surprise at the end. I was able to talk my wife not finding out the sex of our first child (a dude by the way), but she won on the next two (also dudes). I still think it was more fun having to think up good names for a girl and a boy, but that’s just me.

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